


In Every Life

by Insomniasland



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Light Sadism, Reincarnation, Romance, Sequel, Smut, read Light in the dark first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 69,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28010754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniasland/pseuds/Insomniasland
Summary: After a tragic ending, it was their destiny to find each other again."Uh. I'm Bora. Kim Bora.""I'm Siyeon. Lee Siyeon.""You're THE Siyeon?""Are there other Siyeons?"But happiness, it's not easy to find.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon, Lee Gahyeon/Lee Yubin | Dami
Comments: 163
Kudos: 334





	1. Bora Bora.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel of Light In The Dark. Please read that first if you haven't. Enjoy :)

“That’s my fucking sister!” Gahyeon stood up from her seat to cheer for her big sister loudly as Siyeon bowed to the crowd and left the stage with a big smile on her face. The cheers always lifted up her confident. Not that she wasn’t proud of her voice, it was just different to get praised by strangers.

Yoohyeon, who was still sitting down, yelled on top of her lungs as she clapped like a seal. “And my best friend!” 

Siyeon wasn’t someone who’d be ashamed of her friends, nor her younger sibling but right at that moment they were pushing her limits. She debated in her mind if she should make a U-turn and be anywhere else. 

She rolled her eyes playfully at both of them as she approached the table. “Do I know you guys?”

“After so many weeks of begging I’ve finally decided to honor you with my presence.” Yoohyeon said with a proud smile on her face. 

Yoohyeon was her best friend since childhood. They had met when they were just kids in a camp. They were just summer friends at first until Yoohyeon’s parents decided to move to Seoul. They were inseparable duo ever since.

“Consider me honored.” Siyeon said and smiled at her best friend as she took a seat. 

Yoohyeon wasn’t particularly fan of clubs or loud places, but after many nights of both trying to drag her out of the apartment, she finally gave in and came one of Siyeon’s performance night. 

Siyeon had been performing in the club named Somnia for few months. Her boss Yongsun found one of Siyeon’s covers on YouTube and reached out to hire her. 

Yes, Siyeon wanted to be a big name but she also knew how hard it would be. So when the opportunity showed itself, she took it.

“We go big tonight?” Gahyeon asked both of them with puppy eyes they couldn’t say no to. 

“Well I-“ Yoohyeon couldn’t finish her sentence when Gahyeon cut her off. 

“No, not you. I’m asking the fun one.” Gahyeon was now looking at Siyeon with a pout on her face. 

“We go big tonight!” Siyeon grabbed her beer bottle and exclaimed loudly to get a whine in return from Yoohyeon. Not that either of them cared.

As the night went on, the sisters kept drinking, the table was filled with pleasant conversation. Yoohyeon on the other hand was the designated driver so she had to stay sober to take care of the babies. 

Now, all Siyeon wanted to do was to find a girl and dance till it ended with a heated make out session in middle of dance floor. Her eyes were scanning the room to spot the hottest girl here tonight. 

Thankfully, she wasn’t a useless gay, she was the confident gay that would bring everyone to their knees with one simple gaze.

But instead of a hot girl to dance with, her eyes spotted a woman around her age that was getting harassed by a man. 

Men. Siyeon hated men. 

Even with her state of mind, Siyeon could tell, this woman was uncomfortable as fuck. Her eyebrows were frowned, she was mouthing the word ‘no’ and she kept pushing the man of her body but the man was persistent. He had a smug grin on his face that Siyeon wanted to wipe off. With a punch.

Siyeon could feel her blood boil. No meant no. No women deserved to be harassed. The alcohol had left her system at this point because of the anger. She quickly made her way towards them and stood between the man and the woman. She held the man’s gaze and kept her protected behind her broad shoulders. The music was too loud to speak so she kept staring at the man, eyes narrowed, jaw clenched, hoping he’d get the hint and leave.

Siyeon felt a hand gripping on her shirt behind her and she assumed it was the girl she was protecting but she couldn’t break the eye contact to check who it actually was.

The man scoffed and turned around to leave when the guards started to approach. What was it with men, not being intimidated by women. Siyeon could take that dirt bag down any time, any day. She nodded at the guards and let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

Why were men so stupid? Why were their brains located at their dicks? She truly hated men.

She turned around to meet the woman she was protecting. The lights were dim and she couldn’t really see the face but when she was observing the scene, she catched a small glimpse of the woman's beautiful face.

“Thank you for saving me.” and she was gone. 

She felt like she heard this voice all of her life. It sounded a lot like the voice in her dreams. Siyeon was wasted and probably wasn’t thinking clear but this voice sounded so similar. There was no way she could forget that voice.

Siyeon quickly looked around the dance floor try to spot the woman she was looking for. She started walking towards the exit but the pool of dancing people prevented her from moving fast enough to catch her.

She was nowhere to be seen.

Siyeon stood in her spot for few minutes to comprehend what just happened. She basically met the voice in her dream but she lost it the second she found it.

Maybe she was tripping. 

She shook off the feeling and went to find her girls instead. 

She found her best friend shamelessly flirting with the bartender and Gahyeon taking a video of it. She laughed softly and tapped Gahyeon on the shoulder. 

“Let’s go home.” 

Siyeon saw herself laying in the middle of blood. There were shattered glass. Broken pieces of mirror everywhere. It was like watching a scene from afar. There was a pile of blood. Her wrists were cut open. 

But she felt it. 

She felt the pain on her wrists. Siyeon was curled on her side in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. 

A girl was holding her. Crying. Screaming. Her face was blurry. There was another girl. They were both crying their eyes out and there was so much screaming. Her own face was lifeless. Pale. She watched her own lifeless body being taken away. Siyeon followed her own body. No matter how many times she tried to see the girls she couldn’t. A scream echoed. 

A high pitched scream startled Siyeon out of her nightmare. That was the nightmare she occasionally saw. It hurt every damn time. She touched her wrists involuntarily. No scars, nothing. Then why was it hurting?

She was drenched in sweat and desperate need of shower. The remnants of her nightmare haunted her mind. She still had no idea why she kept seeing herself dead but she made peace with it eventually. After seeing the same shit for years, she got used to it.

The room wasn’t dark but it wasn’t too light either so she guessed it was around dawn. 

She reluctantly got to her feet and dragged herself to the bathroom to take a shower. Only to be stopped with a noise in the kitchen. Was Gahyeon up? 

Her heart rate sped up rapidly at the thought of a thief. She wasn’t the one to be scared of a man but the thought of someone breaking in was terrifying. 

Her defenses were up as she walked to the kitchen. She let out a relieved sigh when she saw Yubin, Gahyeon’s girlfriend nibbling at their snacks. 

“You scared the crap out of me.” Siyeon whispered, careful not to wake her sister up. 

“I’m sorry I got home late and I was hungry.” Yubin said and offered chips to Siyeon, which she refused kindly. 

Dami was a last year biology student and her studies were heavy. Siyeon was super glad her school days were over. “How was the study night?” 

“Boring. I’ll pass though.” 

Siyeon chuckled and didn’t bother answering. Her mind was still repeating the nightmare over and over again. She poured water to a cup and drank it slowly. 

“Did you see another nightmare? Why are you up?” Yubin asked.

They all knew about Siyeon’s nightmares. At first she used to scream while sleeping, the pain was too severe. It was either Gahyeon or Yubin shaking her to wake her up. But after a while the pain got less severe. “Yup. I killed myself again.” 

They chatted for about an hour, mostly about the nightmare before Siyeon decided to take a shower to wash off the invisible blood on her wrists. 

As soon as her head hit the pillow, the phone started to ring. Who the fuck called her this early?

She grabbed the phone with an exhausted sigh. Today didn’t even start and she was already tired. She checked the ID of the caller and it was her boss. What could she possibly want at this hour? 

“Hey boss.” 

“Good morning, I hope I’m not waking you up but I need to speak with you. Can you come by as soon as possible?” Yongsun didn’t sound mad but why did Siyeon feel like something was wrong?

“Yes, of course.” After they hung up, Siyeon got dressed and left the house to meet her boss. 

She knew she wouldn’t get fired, Yongsun loved her, everybody loved her in the bar. Unless the man made a scene which was ridiculous to think about, there was no reason for her to get fired.

By the time she got to the club it was already nine in the morning. She greeted the workers cleaning the place and made her way to the office. 

“Morning.” She bowed politely and took a seat in front of the desk. 

“I’m sorry to drag you here this early.” Yongsun smiled apologetically.

“That’s okay I was up already.” 

“So, I have a friend in Bora Bora.”

Bora Bora. It sounded familiar. Maybe she saw an ad or something. “Okay?” 

Yongsun laughed at Siyeon’s puzzled expression. “She is opening a club there.” 

Siyeon nodded to encourage her to keep going because the anticipation was killing her. 

“She needs a singer for the opening night. It is a bit different than mine, hers is more elegant, classy. It still has a night club but it’s for DJs. Live performances are outside.” 

“I see.” Siyeon muttered, “and you are recommending me?” 

“Yes!” Yongsun exclaimed. “I will cover the expenses.” 

Siyeon came here to get some bad news, not to get sent in Bora Bora. And for free. It was surreal. 

“If you want to, of course. I’d be a week-long trip.”

She would never say no to a free vacation but most importantly every part of her body screamed for her to go as if something was waiting her. “Of course, it would be my honor.”

“I’ll get your ticket for Monday is that okay?” Yongsun questioned. It was already Saturday and the weekends were the busiest in the club. She would be exhausted. “You can take tomorrow off!” 

She felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders as she smiled. “Now that’s okay.” 

The weekend went by rather quickly and her flight was in few hours. She was humming her favorite song, “Trust me” while she checked everything she packed. Her boss sent her the ticket and the reservation info few hours after their brief conversation. To say that Yongsun was loaded was understatement of the century.

As she made sure she got everything necessary, she walked up to Gahyeon’s room and gently knocked on it. There was no response as expected, Gahyeon was such a heavy sleeper. 

She just walked in, not caring if Yubin was there or if they were naked. Yubin was here and thankfully they weren’t naked.

She kissed her sister’s forehead and whispered to the couple. “I have to go love birds.” 

Gahyeon whimpered and opened her eyes slowly while Yubin didn’t even acknowledge Siyeon.

“Be safe and message me when you get there.” Gahyeon lazily wrapped her arms around Siyeon to pull her in the bed, in her embrace. Siyeon laughed softly as she fell on top of her sister and gave her a tight hug.

“I will, now let me go, I have a flight to catch.” Siyeon muttered against Gahyeon’s neck. She wouldn’t loosen her hug as if she didn’t want her to go. 

Sighing, Gahyeon did let her go eventually and kissed her cheek. “Love you.” 

“Love you. See you Yubs.” and with that Siyeon left the room, grabbed her bag and left for the airport.

The flight to Bora Bora was going peaceful, it was a very long flight to say the least. Siyeon couldn’t shake off the feeling of familiarity as she was getting closer to her destination. She was afraid to fall asleep, she didn’t want to have another nightmare. But really, it was a long, long flight. 

The inevitable happened and she drifted off to sleep. 

She was at the beach naked in someone’s arms. She heard herself whisper. “You are my sun, Bora. You light up my world. Without you, I wouldn’t exist.” 

Siyeon watched herself kiss someone she couldn’t see. “I love you little bird.”

“I love you, wolfie.” 

At least it wasn’t a scream that woke Siyeon up. It was the announcement that the plane was landing. The amount of planes she had to took to get here was unbelievable. Nevertheless, she made it safe and sound.

Bora? She laughed at the irony. She was going to Bora Bora and the name was Bora. That was why the sense of familiarity came when Yongsun said Bora Bora. Made sense. She loved seeing this dream though, at least in this one she didn’t kill herself. 

She was surprised to see a hot elegant woman holding a cardboard with her name on it. She approached the woman with black hair, and colorful dress matching the weather and Siyeon smiled softly. “That’s me.”

“I’m Hyejin! The owner. How was your flight?” Hyejin smiled back heartily and opened backseat door for Siyeon to get in while the driver took Siyeon’s bags. 

Since when bosses did that? “Thanks. It was really long.” She got in the car and heard Hyejin laugh at her comment as she got in from the other side.

The car took off and Siyeon’s gaze found Hyejin as she spoke. “I know; it is very long. Thank you so much for coming. Well take the day off to relax, rest or just wander around. Before we start rehearsing for the opening night.”

“When is the opening night?” Siyeon asked and tried to maintain the eye contact but she couldn’t help but stare out of the window. Her eyes took in the beauty of her surroundings. This really was paradise. It was sunny, scent of the ocean filled her lungs, wind caressing her face softly.

“In 4 days. You’re here for a week, right?”

“Yes, boss said so.” Siyeon laughed. 

“I’m glad. You will like it here.” Hyejin said with a smile.

Okay, Siyeon was expecting a small hotel, not a freaking resort on the sea. She always saw these type of resorts in ads, or movies. She guessed it would be too expensive for her liking. She wasn’t poor, she wasn’t rich, she was average. 

“Holy shit.” Siyeon spoke before she could stop herself. When she realized her mistake she quickly apologized. “Sorry, this is just too much.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Yongsun loves this place, I’m not surprised she reserved here.” Hyejin gave her a quick hug and excused herself since she was busy with her new club.

Siyeon settled in her room, she took a shower, changed into something comfortable and then she slowly made her way to outside. 

The ocean was something she loved truly. There was a whole world underneath just waiting to be discovered. A world where you could fly basically. She understood its dangers and its beauty. It could be wonderful or deadly. There was no in between. 

Growing up their parents always took them to camps for whole summer so being here, brought back all of her childhood memories. It wasn’t as fancy as this one, they usually had a tent but it was like a second home.

Nothing could really explain the beauty of the ocean. She found true fascination by the sound of waves and it always calmed her down. No matter the problem, if she was near the ocean she would find a solution.

Siyeon decided to face time her sister. Not to make her jealous of course, she knew Gahyeon would’ve loved it here. After few rings, she answered.

“Unnie! You made it safe and sound?”

“I did, baby, look.” Siyeon turned the camera around and showed her sister the beauty of the ocean and where she was staying.

“wow, Yongsun is really loaded then.” 

That made Siyeon laugh out loud. “I literally show you paradise, that’s what you’re thinking.” 

“I mean how loaded do you have to be to afford that place?”

“I’ll take you here don’t worry Gahyeonie.”

“No, It’d cost a fortune, unnie. But I really like it, it looks amazing. Brought back amazing memories.”

“Right? I still remember your first time in the sea. You were so scared.” Siyeon turned the camera to herself. “But once you got used to it, it was a torture to get you out of the water.”

Gahyeon smiled, a little embarrassed. “Like you were different.”

“I always loved the sea but I got a little scared after what dad did. When I was learning how to swim, he threw me in the water and watched me struggle.”

“You learned fast, didn’t you? Don’t be a crybaby.”

Siyeon scoffed. “You are one to talk. You’re lucky I taught you how to swim.”

“Yes, yes, because what you did was any different from dad.”

“You know what, I’m hanging up.”

Gahyeon laughed heartily and blew her sister a kiss. “If you don’t buy me cool stuff, I’m disowning you.”

“This kid, seriously.” Siyeon rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed at her sister. “I love you, take care.” Siyeon said before hanging up. 

Siyeon debated if she should stay in and rest or go outside to wander around. She decided on the latter. 

She spent the day shopping for her friends and herself. Mostly herself. Gahyeon was obsessed with jackets lately and when Siyeon spotted a perfect jacket for her sister, she had to have it. 

She bought a panda hat for Yubin and a puppy hat for Yoohyeon. They were going to kill Siyeon for it but worth it.

As she was walking down the street, she saw a big brochure of an art gallery opening called Full Moon. 

Hm, sounds interesting, Siyeon thought. She always understood what the artists try to say through their paintings, she couldn’t draw but she appreciated the art.

She took a picture of the brochure to not to forget the details, continued to walk to her resort with a smile on her face.

On her way to the resort, a beautiful pastry shop called Daisy caught her attention. The name fit perfectly because the shop was covered in actual daisies. 

Siyeon had no intention of stopping for a desert but her brain stopped working as she stood there, in front of the shop, mouth agape, completely in trance, just taking in the beauty of it. 

“Wow, it’s called daisy but an actual daisy stopped by.”

Let people in, Singnie.

A shock was registered on her face before she could hide it. Did she start daydreaming now?

She shook her head, a small grin played on her lips. “Does this work on other girls?”

“I don’t know; I don’t tell it to every girl I see.” The woman inside the shop with a purple hair and round glasses, smiled so bright that could out throne the sun.

Siyeon wasn’t someone who blushed very often, she was the one making girls blush. But this woman managed to make her blush. Her voice was like vanilla and sweet but also rich. It was luxurious and warm. She had the type of energy that welcomed you like a home. 

“Why do I find that hard to believe?” Siyeon teased the woman as she smiled.

“I am officially offended and the only way for you to make it up to me is if you let me treat you something.” The woman dramatically placed her hand on her chest, a pout on her lips. 

“I was craving a dessert anyway.” Siyeon said as she stepped inside the shop. Who was she to say no to a beautiful woman.

They settled in a table and Siyeon ordered donuts while the woman just ordered coffee.

“My name is Minji, by the way.” She said again with this bright smile. Siyeon felt a deep attraction to that smile and almost forgot to introduce herself.

Minji.

Where did she hear it before? 

“Oh, nice to meet you. I’m Siyeon.”

“What brings you here, Siyeon?” Minji remained welcoming in body posture. 

“I’m here for a gig. Just for a week. It’s my first day actually. What about you?” Siyeon said, her lips curving into a smile.

“I live here. Mostly. I own this pastry shop.” Minji pointed around the shop with her finger. 

When the waiter was placing their orders on the table, Siyeon took this time roam her eyes inside the shop. It was small, with lots of plants here and there. The walls were painted pink and it gave off a warm feeling with a soft music in the background. It was beautiful.

“Why here? I mean Bora Bora.” She questioned as she took a bite from her donut.

“Honestly, it wasn’t my idea.” Minji chuckled. “My friend insisted that we had to live here. I told her we can go for a vacation but living in an island is kind of difficult. But she said she was coming here with or without me so I came with her.”

“Oh that’s nice of you. Not leaving your friend.” 

“I’m just that nice.” Jiu gave her a wink and they both laughed softly. They didn’t feel like strangers who just met. They both felt like they’ve known each other for ages. There was a sense of familiarity between them.

Siyeon honestly didn’t plan on spending entire night with a stranger but the way conversation never died out, the way they both felt so comfortable with each other, time flew by. 

It was time to close the shop already but Siyeon didn’t want to leave this woman she just met. She felt like she ran into her life-long friend. Which was insane to feel this strongly about a person she didn’t know. She felt a strong pull towards the woman.

Siyeon stood by the front door, bags in her hands, smiling at Minji. “I’ll see you around then?”

“I’m always here.” 

The exhaustion hit her like a truck as soon as she got into bed. She already missed Minji. Her company. What was about this woman? With just one look, Siyeon felt like she was home. Not across the world in a freaking island. 

Let people in, Singnie.

Siyeon had no idea why she heard the woman in her head, calling her the nickname only her sister used. She knew how crazy her nightmares were but daydreaming was something new. She shrugged it off. This week was going to be good and nothing could ruin that.

A smile was glued to her lips until sleep took over her body. 

Siyeon watched herself punch a tree. Repeatedly. Siyeon could hear her own screams, the pain behind those screams. Her heart ached for herself. She was in so much pain as Siyeon observed herself punching the tree. 

She covered her ears shouting in the air for it to stop. 

Arms wrapped around her. Preventing the girl from breaking her knuckles.

Siyeon couldn’t see who it was. Her back was turned against her. But she watched that stranger pull herself on the grass, trying to calm an angry Siyeon who couldn’t seem to stop shouting or struggling. 

The stranger started to whisper-sing a song. 

Weird thing was it was Siyeon’s favorite song. 

“far away over there, slowly, I hear and feel the rain, close your eyes and tell me, it’s okay it’s okay like this so trust me…”


	2. Reunited

At the start of the nightmare Bora slipped in someone’s blood falling hard on her knees. She pulled the girl on the floor covered in blood, to her chest. Bora could see the tears on her cheeks. She could feel the fear. But it wasn’t like Bora was living the moment, it was like watching a movie from afar. Her screams echoed in the bathroom. Her best friend Minji was also there trying to put pressure on the girl’s wounds. Bora couldn’t see who the girl was. Her hair was preventing her from seeing the face of the dead girl.   
Bora watched herself scream and her sobbing was the sound of a heart breaking. She watched herself shake with grief, tears flowing unchecked, there was part of her breaking too watching the scene.

Bora woke up as if someone was crushing her windpipe. Her heart beat was fast and it felt like her heart was about to explode as she panted for air. 

She had just came back from Korea, from visiting her parents and this was the welcoming gift? Bora scoffed. She was too tired of this repeating nightmare. 

Every day she woke up feeling like a failure. She failed that girl, she couldn’t save her. Even if they were just stupid nightmares, she’d think after seeing the same thing every night, she’d save the girl in at least one of them. 

Ever since she was a little kid, she always saw these kind of dreams or nightmares.

Someone always died in her arms.

Happy memories with someone.

Someone other than Minji, being her best friend living together.

Visions of her childhood but it was not her childhood.

Falling from somewhere high.

Wolfs. Why would anyone dream of a wolf?

And ever since she started living independently from her parents, she had this urge to go to Bora Bora. Maybe it was the name that charmed Bora but her heart was constantly telling her to go there. It felt like she would find the answer to her dreams, here.

But it’s nearly been a year since she moved here and the answer was nowhere to be found. The dreams, or nightmares never stopped.

So Bora poured all of her dreams in the pictures. She drew everything. Every little detail in her dreams. Enough to open her own art gallery here in Bora Bora. 

Her mind went to that girl in the club. Bora was just passing time till her departure time and a club was the best choice. She could’ve stayed with her parents but that’d mean listening to ‘come back home’ all night long. She’d pass.

All she wanted was a good time but a man decided to ruin that. Fucking men. 

That was, until the most badass but also elegant looking girl got in between them. She felt protected, like nothing could ever harm Bora when she was there.

Bora wished she could’ve seen the girl’s face but she was also glad she didn’t. That tall girl would remain a mystery for the rest of her life.

“Bora?” there was a soft knock on the door before opening it. “You came already?” Minji said as she sat on Bora’s bed. “How was Korea?”

“I didn’t miss it.” Bora rolled her eyes. “I just wanted to spend quality time with my parents but all they talked about was ‘come home’ and I went to a club to blow off some steam, a man ruined my night.” 

“A man?” Minji’s eyes narrowed. They both despised men. “When are they going to extinct?” 

“The hell if I know! Soon hopefully.” 

“Your parents just miss you Bora, don’t blame them.” Minji rubbed Bora’s leg through the blanket and smiled softly. “Do you want to go to bungee-jumping?” Bora nodded at the question.

They had a special place in their hearts for flying. That’s how they became best friends after all. They met in a plane when they were teenagers. Not just any plane. They met right before they jumped off the plane. Crazy, right? Skydiving was their passion. And it became a tradition to do skydiving at least twice a year. If there is no skydiving, they would go to bungee jumping. Sky was the limit.

“Oh! Are you excited for your art gallery opening tomorrow?” Minji asked before she made her way to the door to give space for Bora to get ready.

Bora was excited, but it felt like inviting people into her mind, into her dreams. It felt too personal. However, she was proud of herself. “I am.” 

“I’m proud of you. but let’s go! I want to push you again.” Jiu exclaimed as she walked out of the room.

“No, it’s my turn, you pushed me last time!” 

“We jump together.”

As Bora was getting ready all she could think about was that girl she kept seeing. She could feel the love in her dreams. She wondered if she saw visions of future, but it’d mean someone she truly loved was going to die in her arms. And if she was honest with herself that sounded like she was crazy. Who saw visions of future, this wasn’t a movie.

She thought maybe these were visions of her past lives. But she didn’t really believe in reincarnation. She didn’t believe in after life. She believed there was nothing after you die.

She thought maybe it’s her soulmate. But that would mean her soulmate was going to die and she couldn’t stop it. Did she even believe in soulmates? 

After a silent drive to their destination, Bora stood on the bridge above the sea, next to Minji who was getting ready for a jump, putting on the necessary equipment. 

In the fresh ocean air her lungs expanded and with the rising of her chest came peace. Everything disappeared from her mind. The mysterious hero in the club, that hideous man, her pretentious parents, the anxiety of the opening night of her gallery. She didn’t care about anything at all right at this moment. 

That was what she loved truly. This and painting. 

It was Bora’s turn to get ready. “You guys never skip do you?” The man helping Bora said.

“Nope. Never.” Bora smiled and as he finished tightening the equipment, he nodded. She stood next to Minji and intertwined their fingers looking at each other with a smile. 

“You ready?” Minji asked.

“I was born ready.” 

And they jumped.

Neither Minji nor Bora screamed during the fall. Bora felt like a baby bird learning about gravity, or an angel with wings flying above everything as she danced with the air. Her eyes were watering from the wind, but it was the best thing anyone could ever feel.

Weird thing was, they both felt pain every time they did this. It was agonizing but they loved every second of it. Who in the world could feel their bones break without actually breaking? 

When the rope pulled them back up, their loud laughter filled the air. 

Bora wished she could be a bird, an eagle with big wings so she could fly all the time.

As they touched the ground of the boat, Bora felt a rush of emotions she couldn't describe. It was the feeling that she’d get from almost dying but not. She could do this forever.

“You felt it?” Minji asked laughing as they were being taken to the land. 

“Always.” Bora answered with a laugh. They felt alive more than ever.

When they arrived at Minji’s car, they were still laughing and talking about the rush of adrenaline and happiness they felt. When they jumped it was pain and pleasure mixing perfectly. 

They got in and Minji started driving. “Do you want to come to my shop? I have a little business to take care of.”

Bora paused for a minute. She checked everything in the gallery, there was nothing to be fixed. She nodded. “Sure, I got nothing else to do.” 

“Oh I didn’t tell you. I met someone yesterday.” Minji smiled heartily, her eyes never leaving the road.

“Someone special?” 

“I don’t think so. I like her but it was more of a best friend kind of like.”

“Am I being replaced?” Bora faked a pout and crossed her arms. She knew Minji would never. What they had was irreplaceable. 

“I moved across the world for you Bora, I love you too much.”

“Aw” Bora wiped away her non-existing tear dramatically. “I love you too.” 

The drive to the shop was short. They mostly remained silent other than to talk about the girl Minji met yesterday.

Siyeon.

That name rolled off her tongue like butter. Siyeon. Why did Bora feel like she heard this name before? Well, it was a common name in Korea. 

When Minji parked, Bora exited the car and made her way to the shop. 

“Shit, I forgot my phone in the car. You go ahead.” Minji said before hurrying back to the parked car.

Bora shrugged and continued walking to the shop. She greeted the workers with a small bow and a smile. Everybody knew who Bora was, and everybody basically saw her as second boss.

She was scanning the empty tables to settle when her eyes landed on the most beautiful girl she had ever seen in her entire life. 

Time stopped for Bora. it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from Bora’s lungs. Her hair was short and the color was faded blue. She had big glasses on that made her look like a nerd especially with the book in her hand but a really hot nerd. Her lips were plump and she had red lipstick on. Her jawline could cut a diamond and her clothes screamed trouble if Bora was honest with herself. She was wearing black ripped pants, and a black ‘My Chemical Romance’ shirt. A punk with a book. Cool.

And this girl looked familiar. Felt familiar. She could swear they had met before. But it didn’t matter. Bora was never afraid of a little trouble. 

Bora started walking towards her table as if this girl had a magnet on herself and Bora was drawn to it. Before she knew it, she was hovering over the girl like a creep.

Until the stranger finally looked up to meet the person blocking her light. “Can I help you?” the stranger asked. 

You are my sun, Bora.

The voice of this woman popped in her head as soon as she heard her voice. That was weird. 

Her voice was a taste from heaven. It was manly, but not too much. It was husky, raspy, deep. Everything combined. Bora must’ve been dreaming their future together already. She did want to be her sun. 

Say something you fool, don’t gay panic, Bora thought.

“Uh” Bora blinked a few times and looked around to find Minji and ask for help. Of course when she needed her friend, she was nowhere to be found. “Can I-I sit?” Not the fucking stutter. Bora cursed internally.

The girl smirked as if she knew the power she had on girls. “Of course.” 

Bora sat across the beautiful girl and gazed down on her lap. What was she supposed to say now? sorry I was gay panicking and ended up here.

Every sane, confident, cocky part of her brain was malfunctioning. 

“What’s your name?” The girl asked, letting her book fall close.

“Uh. Bora. Kim Bora.” Bora applauded herself for not stuttering this time. She could do this. “What is yours?” 

When Bora finally looked up from her lap, she was met with a puzzled expression. This girl was frozen like she heard the most confusing and devastating thing on earth. Her eyebrows frowned as if she was in deep thought. Bora wondered what she said wrong to make her feel this way. All she did was to say her name. Maybe she shouldn’t have talked to her.

The girl cleared her throat. “Nice to meet you Kim Bora.” The corner of her lip twitched upwards. “I’m Siyeon. Lee Siyeon.”

“You are the Siyeon?” Oh that was the girl Minji met yesterday. It made sense. What were the odds of running into another Korean person in Bora Bora.

“Are there other Siyeons?” She chuckled. It was literally music to Bora’s ears. She could feel her cheeks burn.

Bora licked her lips before speaking and her confident came back when she saw Siyeon’s eyes were on her lips. “Not that I know of. No my best friend met you yesterday.” 

“Oh? Minji?” Siyeon sunk in her seat and smiled. “I was waiting for her actually.”

“Oh sorry I crashed your table-“

“I’m glad you did. I got to meet two lovely ladies.” Bora could swear her voice got an octave lower. How was this even possible? Her voice was already deep. It could get deeper?

“She- She was right behind me but I guess she is taking care of her business.” Bora cursed at herself again. Why did she keep stuttering, she had no idea.

“I don’t mind waiting as long as you stick around.” Siyeon smiled. “What do you do?” 

“Draw.” Bora muttered. “I-I mean I’m a painter. I have a gallery opening tomorrow actually.”

Siyeon’s burning gaze never left her eyes as she listened to her wholeheartedly and it was making Bora feel all kinds of weird things. 

It wasn’t just butterflies in her stomach; it was a goddamn zoo.

“Full Moon?” Siyeon questioned. 

“Y-yes, how did you know?” 

“It was hard to miss with all the brochures around the island.” Siyeon laughed as if it was obvious. 

Okay get it together heart, Bora thought.

“Right! Yeah. What about you?” Bora asked to divert the topic from herself.

“I’m a singer. Here for a gig. Guess we are both artists.” The blue haired girl smirked. 

“Let me guess… rock songs?” Bora laughed.

“That obvious?” 

“A bit. I mean your style screams punk.” Bora shrugged, pointing at her shirt, “My Chemical Romance. Aren’t they… too old?” 

“Hey, they are classic. You don’t listen to rock? Ah let me guess! Jazz… blues… classical music?”

“I’ll have you know, I like rock. I just prefer listening to classical music when I’m drawing that’s all.”

“That’s understandable.” Siyeon smiled, “So what did you do today Kim Bora?”

Bora had to take a second to think. It was hard to remember how to speak let alone think when the blue haired girl kept her burning gaze on her. “I-I did,” Bungee jumping. She did bungee jumping.

Now say it out loud.

“Bungee jumping.”

“Isn’t that too dangerous?”

“What was it… ‘If life ain’t just a joke then why are we laughing.’”

“Did you just use MCR lyrics to me?” Siyeon laughed. “Here I thought you didn’t know them.”

“I never said that.” Bora chuckled, proud that she made her laugh.

“It didn’t fit the question but I’ll let it pass.”

“No… but really, you should try it sometime.” 

“I don’t want to die though.” Siyeon shook her head smiling.

“I didn’t die.”

Bora lost the time as the conversation kept going, they got more comfortable with each other as if they weren’t before. This woman was a natural flirt and here Bora thought her game was excellent. Siyeon proved her wrong. Apparently she had no game compared to this woman.

“Looks like you two met!”

Bora heard Minji exclaim happily as she seated herself between the girls. Siyeon nodded, her bright smile never leaving her lips and turned her body slightly to Minji before answering. “I said I’d see you around but your friend found me first.”

“Saved me the trouble of introduction so thanks babe.” Minji laughed. 

“Welcome.” Bora muttered. 

“I hope you guys can come to the opening night of the club. It’s called Destiny.” Siyeon invited them.

“Of course.”

As the hours passed, they talked about anything and everything. They were all elevated by each other's presence and there was no awkward silence, they never ran out of things to talk about. To anyone they’d look like life-long friends. 

Bora usually paid attention to Siyeon. 

Her laugh was deep and dreamy, her eyes were shaped like a crescent moon whenever she smiled, her gaze was sharp and stern but also soft. There was light in her eyes. The happiness. 

Bora could listen to her forever. She could talk about My Chemical Romance all day if she wanted, Bora wouldn't care. She just wanted to hear her husky voice as long as she could. 

When it was time for Siyeon to leave to rest, Bora could see the reluctance in her eyes as if she didn’t want to go but she also needed to rest. 

Bora was this close to offer her to rest in her arms but she bit her lips to prevent herself from saying it out loud.

“I’ll see you at the gallery, Kim Bora?” It wasn’t a question rather to make sure Bora still wanted her there. Who knew maybe there was a softie underneath all that badass look.

“I’ll look forward to it, Lee Siyeon.”


	3. Full Moon

Siyeon’s rehearsal had just ended. The band was really talented, nothing like the band in Somnia. Her own band was full of punks who only played rock songs, wore leather clothes, tattoos and piercings, all that stuff. 

Destiny, -even the club’s name was pretentious- was the opposite of Somnia. Thankfully she could sing any kind of songs, perks of studying music.

Now, she was sitting in one of the tables by the sea with her –for the time being- boss. She took a long sip from her wine and sunk deeper into her seat as she watched the sun set in comfortable silence. 

“You are quite the celebrity.” Hyejin said with a smile. 

“I’m not?” She raised her eyebrows in confusion. She had a YouTube channel for covers and some of her performances but that was about it and she barely got 50k views. 

“We’re full on the opening night and I can bet there will be a line for you.” 

“You think too highly of me.” Siyeon chuckled but she knew deep down Hyejin was right. She wasn’t being over confident, on the contrary she always thought she could do better but she also knew how talented she was.

“You will see.” Hyejin winked at her and excused herself to take care of her own business Siyeon didn’t care enough to ask.

She checked the time so she wouldn’t be late to her friend’s art gallery. But she had time to kill. 

She thought of the first time her eyes landed on Bora.

Bora. 

Siyeon could swear that was the girl she saved from a man in Korea but she couldn’t prove it. Well she could if she just asked but what were the odds of both of them being in the same club in Korea, then travel across the world, and meet again in a pastry shop? None. Plus, she was too wasted there to come to a conclusion. 

Bora’s laugh was like a turkey. Better yet, a door bell. But Siyeon could listen to her laughter all day long. 

Her long brown hair falling gracefully down her shoulders, her brown eyes shone every time she smiled, her voice was like honey, deep but not as deep as herself, her voice was just warm.

She was joyful. Perky. Whenever the three of them fell into a silence, Bora filled it with a lame joke just to make them laugh.

Siyeon remembered how Bora literally gay panicked when Siyeon talked. It made her heart flutter. She wanted to make her gay panic all the time.

And that voice for sure belonged to the woman in Siyeon’s dreams. Even the name was the same. 

Bora.

In that beach dream, she was in Bora’s arms, they loved each other apparently. 

In another dream, Bora was the one singing her favorite song to an angry Siyeon. That voice also belonged to Bora. She was sure of it. 

If she dreamed of that after they met, then Siyeon wouldn’t care about it so much. After all, from the moment Bora hovered over her like a creep, Siyeon already pictured their future together. That was creepy too but whatever. 

But she dreamed of that before they met. There was no face of the person in her dreams but that was Bora. She wouldn’t be mistaken about her voice.

What did it mean?

After she started having crazy realistic dreams, she started reading about reincarnation. Not that she believed it but there were some stories that would force you to believe. Because it felt more of a memory rather than a dream. 

She once read, a man was murdered and after ten years, a child found the killer and he remembered his wife, everything about his old life. 

She wanted to believe it, she did. But that would mean she killed herself. Why? What made her end her life? Did she even want to know?

Regardless of the reason, she wouldn’t do it now. 

Siyeon finished her wine in one gulp. She didn’t know what to believe. Reincarnation? Just nightmares? She didn’t care anyway. She had her life to think about. Not nightmares and definitely not her “old” life. It was stupid.

Her phone started to ring. She pulled her phone out of her pocket to see her best friend calling her.

“Hey, love. Missed me already?” Siyeon answered with a smile.

“Yes, very much. What’s up?” Yoohyeon said, and it felt good to hear her voice even if they talked few days ago. 

“I just finished the rehearsal and now I’m drinking by the sea.” 

“Lucky. Did you get laid already?” Siyeon could hear the smirk in her voice. 

She laughed. “No. You know I only like to please women not the other way around.”

“Virgin Mary.” Yoohyeon laughed heartily. 

After the disaster with her exes, she never wanted anyone near her lady parts. Women just didn’t know how to make her reach climax, so she stopped searching. Instead she did the pleasing. She loved to hear a woman beg. It was more fun like that. 

“Anyway. How are you?” Siyeon tried to change the subject. 

“I’m good. My life is boring, Si. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

“Well.” Siyeon rolled her eyes. “I met two lovely ladies. One of them has a gallery opening in a bit.” She checked the time. If she wanted to be there early she had to leave now. “Actually now. I have to go, love.” 

“Okay. Let me know the details later!” Yoohyeon said and she hung up on Siyeon’s face. 

Siyeon grabbed her stuff in a hurry, and said her goodbyes to the staff before leaving. 

As Siyeon was walking, she felt unbelievably happy, a smile eternally stained upon her lips. The thought of seeing Bora made her heart jump backwards. She wondered about the art she was going to see. Her paintings would show what kind of a person Bora was. 

Siyeon had never been to an art gallery before so she had no idea of the dress code. She was wearing her ripped jeans and a simple black shirt. She hoped people weren’t wearing fancy dresses otherwise she was going to look like a stray dog. 

At last she arrived at the location. Full Moon. Such a cool name for a gallery.

As soon as she walked through the doors, her eyes roamed the room that had many paintings on the walls, and there was this vague sense of familiarity wash over her. Ever since she came to Bora Bora, this feeling, this familiarity, never left her and it was driving Siyeon crazy. 

She wanted to find Bora first, to congratulate on the opening night before asking for a special tour. When she was looking around the pool of people to spot the girl she was looking for, her eyes landed on a painting that took her breath away.

Her legs started moving towards the painting before her brain could comprehend what was happening. It looked like her legs had mind of its own.

There was a full moon in the background of the painting, a mountain covering half of the moon, a wolf on top of it howling to the sky. There was a girl with a cap covering her eyes, plump lips were painted in dark red. she had long dark hair and sharp jawline just like herself. 

Did Bora try to say she was unstable, insecure with this painting? What did she try to say? It didn’t even look like Bora. Maybe it was her girlfriend.

She bit the inside of her cheek. She silently prayed this wasn’t Bora’s girlfriend. She could feel the jealousy rise up but she quickly swallowed it down. She liked a little competition.

The painting felt lonely though. Even if it was Bora’s bitch girlfriend, this girl was not okay. The wolf howled like it was in pain, searching or perhaps mourning for its other half. 

The painting captivated Siyeon. She had no idea why, but it spoke to her in a different level. It took Siyeon to another world. Déjà vu? No. 

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” 

Siyeon jumped in fear when she heard a voice right behind her. “Fuck,” She muttered, embarrassed of her reaction. She turned around to see Bora.

Holy hell, did she look fucking stunning. 

Bora was wearing a red mini dress that showed her features perfectly, and with high heels she was around Siyeon’s height. But still not quite. 

Siyeon’s eyes must’ve lingered too much on her body because Bora lifted her chin up with a laugh. “Eyes up here.”

“I’m just appreciating the art.” Siyeon’s gaze found Bora. Her lips curving into a grin when she saw Bora blush like a tomato. She loved the effect she had on Bora.

“Th- The art is also up here.” Bora stuttered for the millionth time since she met with Siyeon. 

Siyeon’s grin turned into a laugh as she stepped closer to Bora. With the high heels Bora was wearing, they were at the same eye level. “I like this art too.”

Siyeon didn’t know people could blush deeper shade of red. But apparently they could. She suppressed a laugh that tried to escape her mouth and bit her bottom lip. 

“I- Well. Thank you for, uh, for coming.” Bora cleared her throat and her gaze fell to the surface only to be lifted by Siyeon.

“Eyes up here.” Siyeon intentionally lowered her voice. “Is this your girlfriend?” She pointed the girl on the painting.

“Who?” Bora’s eyes followed Siyeon’s index finger and laughed slightly. “Is this your way of trying to figure out if I’m single?”

Siyeon took one step closer to Bora until their faces were inches apart. “Are you?” 

Bora’s eyes widen at the question and she swallowed, again she was panicking which made Siyeon chuckle. Her eyes fell onto Bora’s red lips and she involuntarily licked her lips. “Hm?” Siyeon asked again.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, and this-“ Bora looked at the painting on the wall, “this is not my girlfriend.”

“But it’s not you either.” Siyeon turned Bora’s body towards the wall so she could look at the painting and Siyeon stood right behind her, her lips brushing against Bora’s ear as she whispered. “This girl has a sharp jawline. Yours is soft. This girl has plump lips, yours are not too plump but it could be with a little make out session.” Siyeon heard a little gasp and Bora’s breathing got a little heavier and her body was still tense. 

Siyeon ran her nails along the artist’s arm very lightly, barely noticeable, as she closed the gap between their bodies and fully pressed her front on Bora’s back. “And the wolf.” Siyeon whispered on the artist’s neck, she could feel the goosebumps with her lips on Bora's neck. “You are everything but a wolf.” 

“W-what” Bora cleared her throat to stop further stutter. “What makes you think that?”

“Isn’t it obvious, sweetheart?” Siyeon pressed a light kiss on the artist’s shoulder. “So..” Another kiss on her pulse. “Who is it?” 

Siyeon waited patiently for Bora’s answer. She knew she made the artist a mess, she could barely breathe. “It’s no one. I-I saw this,” Bora took a deep breath to collect her wild thoughts, “In my dream.” 

“Interesting dreams you have, sweetheart.” Siyeon said before she stepped back and smiled innocently as if she hadn’t done anything. “Give me a tour then?”

She didn’t wait for Bora to follow her. She made her way to another painting. 

This one made her knees go weak. 

There was shattered mirror glasses all over the bathroom floor. A girl in pile of blood. Her long black hair covered in thick blood. Her back was turned so there was no face. 

Suicide.

She was all alone. 

Siyeon thought back to her nightmare. It was similar. But in her nightmare she had two people trying to help her so it couldn’t be her. Right?

“There are many happy pictures here and you chose the most depressing one.” She heard Bora.

“I don’t like the fact she is all alone.” Siyeon took a deep breath. Even if it was just a nightmare, she was glad some people cared enough to save her. The girl in the painting had no one. Maybe the artist tried to say she failed. She failed to save her so that’s why she was alone; it was too late. She wondered if it was someone close to Bora, she didn’t want to be insensitive. 

“Some people cannot be saved.” Bora whispered shakily. 

“Even so, it is nice to have people, at least trying to save you.” 

She saw Bora nod with the corner of her eye. For some reason Siyeon couldn’t tear her eyes apart from the painting. 

Since Bora was the girl in the beach dream, and that mental break down dream, could the person trying to save Siyeon in her nightmare be Bora? Did their paths cross before back in Korea so her face was engraved in her subconscious? Maybe that’s why she kept seeing Bora in her dreams. After all, she was too beautiful to be forgotten. 

“It’d hurt to cut the wrists.” Siyeon whispered. She knew the pain of it mentally. Every time she saw the nightmare, the pain remained even when she was awake. 

“How would you know?” Bora asked curiously.

“It’s just a hunch.” Siyeon sighed. Her eyes desperately searched for Bora’s but Bora appeared not to notice it at all. “Are you okay? Was it someone close to you?” 

“I’m okay.” Bora said and Siyeon had to lean in to hear it. It was lower than a whisper. It sounded like it really affected her. Siyeon didn’t push about who it was, she just wanted to comfort Bora, take her pain away.

“I’m so sorry Bora.” Siyeon rubbed her shoulder to comfort her just a little. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Bora smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

Siyeon nodded not wanting to be a pushover. Whenever she was ready, she could talk about it. “Come on then.” Siyeon left again without waiting for Bora.

Bora was the definition of art. Not things on the wall.

Siyeon made her explain all of her paintings. Some were dark, angry, desperate, lonely. Some were happy, joyful. 

Siyeon wondered what was going on inside Bora’s head. She wanted to know all of it. Why did she feel angry, who hurt her so much? 

Bora deserved nothing but happiness.

Bora had to leave to greet buyers, and Siyeon hung around at the back of the room, watching the artist do her business with a glass of champagne in her hand.

She looked so confident. All business Bora was nothing like the stuttering mess in front of Siyeon. Her lips curved into a smile. She felt proud even though they barely knew each other. 

Then why did she feel like she knew Bora all of her life?

“Hey creep.” 

She turned her head to see Minji, looking so elegant with a simple white dress. She felt so out of place with her choice of clothing.

“Minji.” Siyeon smiled softly. It was her, possibly, fifth glass of champagne, so when she turned her head she felt a little dizzy.

“How many of these have you drank?” Minji asked as if she could read her mind.

“Mhm I have no idea.” Siyeon giggled like a teenager. She wasn’t drunk, she wouldn’t get drunk in a place like this and embarrass Bora. But she desperately needed to distract her mind from that one particular painting. 

“Okay just don’t drink anymore alright? This is important to Bora.” Minji’s voice was a bit threatening but also caring. Siyeon nodded understandingly. Minji was the best friend after all. 

What Bora and Minji had reminded her of her relationship with Yoohyeon. They were all ride or die for each other.

“She has a beautiful mind, doesn’t she?” Siyeon asked in awe.

“She does.” Minji smiled proudly. “I can see you are into her. I don’t know if it’s because you want to get into her pants before you leave or you just like her company but please don’t hurt her.”

A laugh escaped Siyeon’s lips before she knew it. This was the best friend talk where they warned the lovers. 

“She is a nice person. I have no intention of hurting her.”

“Good. Because you know. Or else.”

Siyeon laughed way too loud for a silent room. It literally echoed, all the heads turned to find the source of laughter. Including Bora’s.

She quickly bowed and muttered an apology. 

Bora was coming towards them. Shit. Shit.

She was walking like she owned the place.(which she did) Like the goddess she was. 

“What happened?” Bora asked raising her eyebrows.

“Minji gave me the best friend talk.” Siyeon chuckled again but quieter this time.

“Best friend talk?” Bora looked at Minji questioningly.

“Anyway! Did you sell anything?” 

“Yes, almost half of it.” Bora smiled and Siyeon’s heart started to beat faster. 

Stop, it is just a smile, Siyeon thought. 

“When are you going to leave?” Siyeon asked.

“In few hours. You can g-“

“I’ll wait. I’ll walk you to your apartment.” Siyeon cut her off before she could finish.

“You don’t have to, Minji is here.”

“I said I will wait.” Siyeon’s tone became stern to make it obvious she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Okay, Lee Siyeon.”

“Good, Kim Bora.” 

Siyeon spent the rest of the night with Minji, chatting about everything. It was so natural between them that they didn’t even have to try. When she met Yoohyeon for the first time, it was so awkward. It wasn’t anything like what she had with Minji.

Finally, the gallery was closing and Bora looked exhausted. It must be tiring to talk business all night. Minji excused herself to leave early to give them some space and Siyeon was waiting outside for Bora.

“God I hate high heels so much.” Bora stepped outside and inhaled the fresh air deeply. 

“Take it off.” Siyeon sat on the sidewalk and started taking off her sneakers, pointing Bora to do the same.

Bora looked at her dumbfounded. “What are you doing?”

“You hate heels; I love walking bare feet.” Siyeon handed the pair of shoes to the older girl. “Take it. I’m going to walk bare feet either way, Bora.”

Bora gave in with a sigh, she was too exhausted to argue. Siyeon smiled happily as she watched her take off her heels and put on the comfortable shoes. 

Siyeon’s eyes widened at Bora’s moan. 

“It just feels too good please stop the judgmental eyes.” Bora flushed and started walking towards her apartment. 

“I wasn’t!” Siyeon held her laughter and walked beside Bora. Rocks were hurting her feet but she couldn’t care less as long as Bora felt good. “I know I don’t know you enough to feel proud but I am proud of you.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you came.” 

They were walking on the sidewalk by the beach and Bora suddenly gripped Siyeon’s hand to drag her on the sand. 

“The sand is softer for your feet.” Bora shrugged and Siyeon wanted to scream with love at that moment. Bora was fresh air and clean water for Siyeon. She could breathe with Bora. Really breathe. She didn’t even know she was suffocating. 

Her life was perfect, she had everything she ever wanted. But she always felt some sort of emptiness she couldn’t pinpoint. 

Friendships? She got the best.

Sibling? She got the best sister.

Family? Her family was perfect, kind, supportive.

Job? She did what she loved the most.

Money? She was comfortable. 

Sex? She could get any girl she wanted.

But something was always missing. She wasn’t satisfied with her life. Until she met Bora. Something clicked. 

She felt like she found the missing piece of her life. That hole in her chest that made her incomplete and empty, it was filled. Even though she travelled across the world to find the treasure, she finally felt like she did. 

This woman was home. She could feel it in her bones.

Siyeon smiled, finally everything felt right.

“Why are you smiling?” Bora asked but she was also smiling. 

“Because I feel happy.”

An idea popped in her head. This time she grabbed Bora’s hand and she dragged her closer to the sea. When they were close enough, she sat on the sand and laid back. Siyeon looked at the older one hovering over her with a puzzled expression.

“Come on, the stars are beautiful.” Siyeon patted the sand next to her, “Lay down.”

“I am wearing a mini dress, Siyeon.”

“There is literally no one around.”

With a defeated sigh Bora laid right next to Siyeon. Both looking at the shining stars above. 

“Do you believe in aliens?” Siyeon asked.

“I guess we can’t be all alone in the universe, right?”

“Right.”

Siyeon wondered if Bora could feel it too, this exact moment happening in her dreams. Maybe it wasn’t Bora Bora, and they were definitely naked with Siyeon in Bora’s arms. But it was similar. 

She looked at the beautiful woman next to her. She hoped she could feel it, remember it maybe. But she prayed to whoever is up there, that she did.

“Look a shooting star! You can’t see that in Korea.” Siyeon muttered.

“Make a wish then?”

I want you to remember this, I know it was you Bora... “I want to stay like this forever.”

"Forever is a long time."

Bora’s gaze found Siyeon’s. They looked at each other for what felt like forever. The love in their eyes was visible. Even if they didn’t know each other, their souls connected right away. 

Siyeon wanted to date this woman. She wanted to stay in this freaking small island with her. For her. Only her. She wanted to take her sadness away, be her inspiration for her paintings so she wouldn’t draw depressing ones. Siyeon wanted to make her happy for the rest of their lives. They were match made in heaven. 

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” 

Siyeon saw various emotions go through Bora’s face. Shock, sadness, love, admiration, fear. All of that in span of seconds.

“No.”


	4. The Date

Bora’s heart stopped upon hearing the words. Dating was something she never wanted to do, let alone love someone. Because even if the thought of seeing the future was stupid, she couldn’t help but wonder. What if it was the future? What if the person she loved, the person she was dating was going to die? In her arms.

She couldn’t allow herself to love someone so much only to lose them. 

She abruptly got to her feet and shook off the sand on her clothes as she started walking away from Siyeon. She couldn’t look at her face. She knew she would see disappointment, or sadness so kept her gaze ahead.

Even though they met few days ago, Bora felt like her soul already knew Siyeon’s soul. They just connected. Just like that. And Bora knew if she let Siyeon in, let herself fall in love, and end up with the younger girl dead in her arms, Bora wouldn’t be able to live.

But if she part ways now and won’t let herself fall, she would protect herself. Possibly protect Siyeon too from dying.

Maybe Bora was just a curse that people needed to stay away. Even Minji, her best friend for years felt pain whenever they did bungee-jumping together. Maybe it was because of Bora too. 

“Bora!” Siyeon yelled behind her. Her voice sounded sad, and Bora just wanted to comfort her. 

But she didn’t. She kept walking quickly without looking back. A sob tried to escape her lips but she stopped it right on time. She wouldn’t let Siyeon see her weak.

Bora felt a hand on her wrist and before she knew it she was turned around forcefully to face Siyeon. She looked upset, and slightly mad. She resembled a rejected wolf.

Bora’s breath came out in a gasp at the sudden movement and she tried to pull away but Siyeon tugged her closer. “Why?” Siyeon whispered.

Bora didn’t know what to answer. I don't want to find you dead in my bathroom? Siyeon would think she was crazy and she would lose any kind of interest she had on Bora immediately. Even Bora thought she was going crazy. 

She wanted to say yes, because this wasn’t a sci-fi movie, she probably didn’t see visions of future but was she really willing to risk it and let Siyeon die just because she was too late and failed to save her.

“You are going to leave in few days anyway.” Bora tried to sound cold, as if she didn’t care at all. Her gaze fell to the ground and she tried to break free from Siyeon’s hold. But the singer was stronger.

“You don’t have to live here… You can come back with me. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too, we can make it work.” 

“I’m not going to leave here and you are a child if you think long distance work.” Bora freed her wrist from Siyeon’s hold with one strong pull and started walking towards her home. The tears were threatening to escape from her eyes but not yet. She couldn’t allow Siyeon to see her weak.

“Then I’m a child.” Siyeon stopped her from going further as she barricaded herself in front of Bora. “Look at me.” Siyeon cupped her cheeks in her hands but Bora avoided looking into her eyes, she knew she’d cave, jump in her arms and stay there forever. 

“Siyeon,-“ Please... I don’t want you to die.

“You don’t feel it? This weird bond between us? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel it. I’ll go and I promise I will never bother you again.” 

She did. Whatever this pull, this energy or bond was, it was too strong to be ignored. But again, she couldn’t allow herself to fall with no one to catch her. 

“Bora…” Siyeon whispered, her thumb softly caressing Bora’s cheek, “I can stay for you.”

Bora snorted, like hell she would. “You have a life in Korea, my life is here. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Well love doesn’t make sense!” Siyeon sighed in frustration.

“Love? We just met for fucks sake!”

“So tell me. Tell me you don’t feel it.”

Bora’s lips trembled and she bit her bottom lip to stop. No, she wasn’t going to fucking cry. She remained silent mostly because if she opened her mouth, she was going to cry like a baby.

Siyeon took a step back to give Bora space, to walk away if she wanted to. But Bora couldn’t. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel it, she felt it in her bones. 

“Siyeon, there is no reason for us to date only to break up two days later because long distance doesn’t work.” Bora said harshly. She swallowed the lump in her throat. 

“Why are you so scared, Bora?”

To lose you. To fail you.

She shook her head. “I can’t.” Bora muttered under her breath.

“Long distance is the only reason you won’t date me?” Siyeon asked, her eyes desperately searching for Bora’s but Bora looked anywhere else other than her burning gaze.

“Bora, look at me. Why won’t you look at me?” Siyeon’s voice cracked at the end. It broke Bora’s heart into million pieces. But she had to be brutal, she had to let Siyeon go before it was too late. Before she failed her.

“Please just-“

“If that’s the reason,” Siyeon took her phone out from her pocket. Bora watched her in confusion. She looked like she had an idea and when Bora tried to step away, Siyeon gave her a look that stopped Bora, then intertwined their fingers to make sure Bora wouldn’t slip away.

She watched Siyeon dial a number and call, waiting for the other person to answer. It was late, probably three a.m or something, the receiver had to be sleeping.

“Hyejin? Were you asleep?” 

Hyejin? She didn’t know who it was but Bora could feel the jealousy rising. She was here for literally two days and she already met some hoe. 

“Good, so I have a question and I know it’s unusual for me to ask this on the phone.” Siyeon nodded to whatever the hoe was saying. 

“Can I stay permanently in your club?” 

Bora’s eyes widen at the realization. Hyejin was her boss and Siyeon was asking her job to be permanent. “Siyeon, wh-“ Siyeon shushed her with a glare.

“Yes, a permanent job. I just want to know if it’s possible, we will talk the details later.” 

After few more minutes, Siyeon hung up and looked at Bora with a smile. 

“Do you want to go on a date with me now?” 

“What the fuck did you do?” Bora pulled her hand away from Siyeon’s with one harsh movement and she could see it shocked Siyeon.

“You said we would have to break up and long distance wouldn’t work. Now we don’t have to.” Siyeon smiled heartily, her eyes disappearing. It melted Bora’s icy heart, breaking her walls brick by brick. 

“You can’t do that for someone you just met!” Bora was yelling at this point. She wasn’t angry at Siyeon, no, she was angry at herself. All she wanted was to say yes, kiss her and claim her but she couldn’t. And she blamed herself for that, for being a scary cat, for letting her fears control her.

“I didn’t do it just for you. I did it for Minji, for the sea, for.. for.. Ah! For the desert Minji makes!” 

“You are unbelievable!” 

“In a good way I hope.” 

Bora knew Siyeon would chase her until she said yes. She would enjoy the hunt like predator. She exhaled shakily and shook her head. She hated Siyeon for being so adorable, she hated her for melting her well protected heart. Why did she have to be so beautiful, cute, sexy, stunning and perfect at the same time? She hated her. 

Definitely hated her.

“Tomorrow, eight o’clock.” Bora gave in with a sigh and started walking opposite direction. She heard Siyeon yell ‘yes!’ and it made her suppress a laugh. 

Yup, hated her.

“Wait!” Bora stopped when Siyeon screamed. 

“Stop shouting!” 

“You are shouting too!” 

Bora cleared her throat and spoke normally. “Yes Siyeon?”

“I don’t know where you live.”

“That’s your problem.” Bora kept walking only to be followed by Siyeon like a tail. “What are you doing?” Bora asked.

“The solution is simple. I’ll follow you to your apartment.” 

“Walk beside me so people won’t think you are a stalker then.” Bora couldn’t fight anymore. Siyeon was the type of person that would get whatever she wanted, no matter what. And Bora was too tired and emotionally drained right now. She just wanted to curl up in Minji’s arms and vent. 

As they walked to Bora’s apartment they talked about Bora's paintings, their taste of music, the places they loved. They talked about their families, friends, even celebrities they hated or loved. 

The walk was supposed to be ten minutes but they were walking like turtles just to spend extra minute with each other.

When they arrived, Bora lingered at the front door looking at Siyeon. What was it about her that drew Bora closer? 

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, Lee Siyeon.” Bora said playing with the keys in her hand.

“Can I have your phone number?” 

“Uh- Sure.” Bora dialed her own number from Siyeon’s phone so she could save it too. “There.”

“Thank you sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Just as Siyeon started walking away Bora noticed her bare feet. “Wait!” She quickly took off her sneakers and handed them to the owner. 

Siyeon smiled and muttered thanks before she put them on. Bora watched Siyeon disappear from her eyes and then finally unlocked her front door to step inside.

Suddenly her exhaustion, her fears, her nightmares, the date tomorrow, Siyeon staying here for good, it all drained her. Smothered her to the point where she couldn’t breathe. She pressed her back on the front door and slid down till she was sitting. 

A muffled sob left her throat and she quickly covered her mouth not to wake Minji up. Apparently she wasn’t as quiet as she hoped because next thing she knew she was pulled in her best friend’s arms. She felt Minji’s hand stroke her hair as she sobbed on her chest uncontrollably. She wanted to let it go, she wanted Siyeon but what if. 

Bora didn’t know who it was, who really died in her arms, who she kept seeing. She had long black hair and Siyeon had short blue hair. So maybe it wasn’t her. Maybe she was being stupid and they were just nightmares. 

But how could she call it a nightmare if it didn’t leave her presence when she was awake?

“I’ll kill her.” Bora heard Minji whisper.

“W-what?” Bora sniffled and pulled away from her embrace to look at her best friend.

“Siyeon. She did this, right? She hurt you.” Minji’s voice shook with anger. If Bora said yes, she would really kill Siyeon. 

“No, no.” 

And Bora unloaded it all. She told her best friend every little detail.

“Siyeon is seriously staying just to go out with you?” Minji couldn’t believe it. 

Bora nodded. “I-“ she sniffled. “I know I’m being stupid and it’s- its not visions of future but-“ another sniffle. “But what if it is?”

“I don’t think they are visions of future.” Minji stroked the younger one’s hair and smiled softly. “this isn’t a movie, Bora.” 

“Then w-what is it?”

Bora watched Minji stand up from the floor and helped her get up too. They made their way to Bora’s bedroom and Minji ordered her to change her clothes to something comfortable which she obeyed happily. She hated mini dresses.

After she got changed, she crawled up to Minji and snuggled closer to her chest.

“They are just nightmares, they aren’t real. Are you going to throw away your chance of happiness because of a nightmare?” 

“You are right…” Bora mumbled under her breath. 

She was right. She couldn’t let Siyeon go because of that. Because of her fears. She would miss out on something great. She felt like she knew Siyeon all of her life, she completed her in many ways, if Bora let her go she would always regret it. 

If it was indeed the future she was seeing, then Bora would follow Siyeon anywhere.

Or maybe not fail her this time. She'd do anything, really.

Because that grief she always felt in her nightmares, was unbearable. She’d rather die than to feel it in real life.

“I’m always right.” Minji chuckled. “Where do you think she will take you?”

Bora shrugged. “She doesn’t know anywhere. If she asks me where to go, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“I don’t think Siyeon is that type of person. She gives me a dominant vibe. Like, she likes to be in control at all times.”

“I’m not a submissive.” Bora rolled her eyes and scoffed. Her answer made Minji laugh out loud and Bora pinched her stomach. “Stop it, I’m not.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe.” Minji laughed again. It was obvious Minji thought she was a submissive. She liked a little controlling woman in bed, but that didn’t make her a submissive. Did it? 

“You really think she is a control freak?” 

“Not like a control freak. But like a possessive, jealous, but loving, caring type of person. If she asks you to kneel, I suggest you kneel.” Minji covered her laugh with a cough. 

Bora pushed herself away from her best friend’s hold and sat up on the bed. “You are like that. Do you ask your girlfriends to kneel? What does it even mean?” Bora asked. 

She would kneel for Siyeon any time of the day but she would never say it out loud.

“I am a dominant person, Bora. I thought you knew that already.” Minji was still laying down on her back as she looked at her best friend. “I mean it depends on the person I guess? I don’t like my girlfriends waiting for me on their knees. If I tell them to kneel it’s because I want them to please me. I don’t know what type of person Siyeon is.” Minji shrugged as if it was nothing. 

But Bora’s mind was all over the place. She knew Siyeon was a little demanding but she didn’t expect a dominant. Bora had never looked into BDSM stuff and she never tried it but she sure will look into it now.

“Bora don’t overthink.”

“I’m not. I was just thinking I have two control freaks in my life and I am already overwhelmed.” Bora laid flat on her stomach and pouted.

“I have a feeling I can handle Siyeon.” Minji pulled the blanket over Bora’s shoulder and kissed her head before standing up. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“Just a feeling. Good night sub.” And with that Minji left the room.

“I’m not!!” Bora shouted behind her. She added Minji to the hate list. She hated them both.

In the dream, Bora was laying on the dirt in a graveyard. She was sobbing uncontrollably with Minji by her side. She hugged the gravestone her sobs getting louder, she didn't even stop to draw breath because her air was in the cold box. There were 4 more people with their backs turned so she couldn’t see their faces, but she could see how their shoulders shook with the force of sobs. 

Bora woke up with tears on her cheeks, she was laying in a fetal position in her bed just like she did in the graveyard. Was this dream the continuation? She found the girl dead and it was her funeral. Fuck. Bora felt the heart break in the dream. The desperation. The anger. The grief. 

That dream made her question the date tonight. What if Siyeon ended up like that? In a cold box six feet under because Bora was too late.

No.

Minji was right. These were just nightmares. People dream about stupid stuff all the time. It was normal. She decided to focus on Siyeon and only her. She didn’t want to lose her and lose the chance of happiness for stupid nightmares.

She stretched her arms and yawned. It was way too early to get ready and she had nothing else to do. 

So she spent the day drawing her recent nightmare. The exact scene. The graveyard, Bora on the ground crying, Minji kneeling next to her, and 4 people only their backs showing. She wondered who they could be. 

She didn’t even realize it was already seven o’clock and Siyeon would be here in an hour maybe less. She quickly took a shower and stood in front of her dresser butt naked. 

She debated in her mind what to wear.

Fancy?

Comfortable? 

Slutty? 

Okay not slutty. 

“Minji!!” She called out.

“Yes?” Minji came to her room her eyes roaming Bora’s naked body. “If you want sex, I think you should try that move with Siyeon.” 

“What?” Bora was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t even consider covering her body. “Oh. Well whatever, what should I wear?”

“Underwear?” Minji leaned against the door frame. 

“Um. Granny panties, sexy lingerie?”

“What kind of date is this?” Minji laughed. “But I’d go with lingerie. You never know.” 

Bora took out her sexiest red lingerie that showed her big breasts and round butt perfectly and put it on quickly. “Good?”

“I’d hit that.” 

“Okay. Now Fancy, slutty or comfortable?” Bora looked at her best friend with pleading eyes.

“Definitely not slutty in the first date and definitely not comfortable. Go with fancy.”

Bora whined loudly, “Not mini dress again.” 

“How about a skirt and a shirt? It looks good on you.” 

Bora thought for a second if she should go for skirt or just pants and decided on the skirt. She wanted to impress Siyeon tonight and look good for her. 

She wore a white skirt and a red shirt. She turned around herself to show her best friend her completed look.

“You look beautiful, although the skirt is a bit too short. Am I done here?” 

“Wait! What about make up?” 

Bora giggled when Minji rolled her eyes. They spent another 15 minutes on the make-up, talking about where Siyeon would take Bora. 

Minji placed her bet on a restaurant and Bora placed her bet on Siyeon asking Bora. 

Finally, the door rang indicating Siyeon’s arrival. 

“How do I look?” Bora whispered to Minji as her hand lingered on the door handle. 

“Perfect, baby.” Minji smiled. “Have fun.”

Bora took a deep breath. She felt like a teenager going on a date for the first time. But Siyeon made her feel like that. Like she was a 16-year-old girl learning about love. But she also had this absurd feeling deep down that they did this before. Weird. Her heart was beating like it would burst through her chest. 

The door rang again startling Bora out of her thoughts, she quickly opened the door. 

Her mouth fell open at the sight of Lee Siyeon. She was wearing simple jeans and a black shirt with rolled up sleeves. She was handsome. Not beautiful. Handsome. Her loose blue hair softly dancing with the wind, her kissable lips were painted red. 

Bora wasn’t even breathing at this point. She saw Siyeon’s eyes linger on her legs, making her shiver with just a look. 

“You look handsome.” Bora smiled and licked her lips now Siyeon’s eyes were on her lips. Bora couldn’t help but laugh. She was like a horny teenager. 

“You look stunning.” Siyeon offered the older one her hand. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” Bora took her hand and they started walking wherever they were going. “Did you talk to your boss?” 

“Oh I did. She agreed and I had to talk to my other boss in Korea which didn’t go too well. Then I had to call my sister about the news, she was happy for me. She will have to ship my clothes here and it will probably take weeks so I need to go shopping. Oh and I need to search for apartments. With you.” 

“I’m sorry that your boss in Korea didn’t take it well. I’m sure she will forgive. I’ll help you look for apartments.” Bora felt somewhat guilty that her old boss was upset with her. It was her fault in the end, she was the reason Siyeon decided to stay. “Siyeon are you sure about this?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything.” Siyeon reassured her worries and Bora didn’t push it. She was staying. That was all that mattered. “May I just say this skirt is too sexy and way too short.” 

God, there were two of them. Bora resisted the need to roll her eyes. Her mind immediately went to what Minji had said. She wanted to ask if Siyeon was a dominant and liked those type of stuff. 

But she wouldn’t. 

She wo-

“Are you a dominant?” Bora face-palmed herself internally. Her gaze fell to the ground in embarrassment and she wished the floor would open up and swallow her. 

She heard Siyeon chuckle and if her face wasn’t red it sure was now. “You really want to know?”

“Yes.” Bora just couldn’t seem to shut up.

“I like to be in control in every situation yes but I am not a dominant who looks for a submissive to play with, or to obey me.” Siyeon paused. “Unless you are into it. Then I can become dominant.”

“I- I’m not.” The stutter made it look like she was but she let it slide. 

“Okay, let me know if you change your mind.” Siyeon was definitely making fun of her. She wanted to punch her smug grin. With her own lips. 

Bora expected everything but this. 

They were at the port with a boat waiting for them. It wasn't something fancy or expensive, it was the regular boat the tourists used to tour around the island.

Siyeon was full of surprises. Not that she minded. Siyeon gently urged Bora to step in the boat and showed her the seat she was supposed to sit. Bora obeyed and sat down in the front of the boat waiting for Siyeon to join. She was talking with the captain and Bora wondered where they could go. Just a tour around the island? To another island?

Finally, Siyeon returned and she had a blanket on her hands. She sat next to Bora and laid the blanket on Bora’s legs. “Better.”

“You don’t want to see my legs?” Bora said with a pout on her lips.

“I want to be the only one seeing your legs. A private show.” 

She smiled at Siyeon’s possessiveness. Minji was right. She was the caring, loving but possessive and jealous type. Her heart jumped in her ribcage. Bora was content to just be close to Siyeon. If she stayed by her side forever, Bora would sink into serenity. 

The boat started moving and Bora let her eyes fall close as the wind hit her face softly listening the sound of waves.

“You know, I’ve been living here for a year now and I have never taken a boat ride.” Bora said with her eyes still closed.

“I’m glad I can be your first.” Siyeon’s arms wrapped protectively around Bora and smiled. “I figured a dinner would be banal, you deserve better.”

“Can’t believe I lost a bet.” Bora whispered to herself.

“What bet?” 

Shit, that wasn’t meant to be heard.

“Uh-“ Bora bit her bottom lip, “Um… Minji and I made a bet. She said you’d take me to a restaurant, I said you’d ask me.”

“What kind of impression did I give you?” Siyeon chuckled.

“You didn’t know anywhere so-“

“You know internet is really helpful these days.”

Bora laughed softly, she was glad Siyeon didn’t get offended by the bet.

“So… You like dominants huh.” Siyeon bit back her laughter.

Bora sighed, she knew this wouldn’t be forgotten any time soon. “I-I don’t.” She cleared her throat, “I don’t.” She really tried to sound confident and sure of herself.

Siyeon didn’t hold back her laughter this time and it only flushed Bora more. She definitely hated her.

“I’m going to swim back to the land.” Bora murmured.

“No, no. Tell me about your hobbies.” 

“I like to dance on my free time. I don’t really have much.” Bora smiled at the mention of dance, “I dance, cook, draw… Tell me about yours.”

“Dance? That’s amazing.” Siyeon tilted her head as she was thinking her answer, “I love to sing.”

“No shit.” 

“Okay, I literally don’t do anything else. I just sing. Like MCR song. Sing it for the world.”

Bora shook her head laughing at Siyeon’s obsession with the band, “Can’t wait to hear that voice then.”

“You will tomorrow. I like to go to camps too.” Siyeon said, “My parents used to take us to camping all summer, that’s where I met my best friend Yoohyeon.”

Yoohyeon.

Bora frowned, she felt like she heard the name before but she couldn’t remember where. Weird. She shrugged it off. “That’s a cool way to spend summer. I met my best friend Minji during skydiving.”

“Oh you have no idea how fun it is!” Siyeon beamed with happiness, “Bungee jumping, now skydiving… you are an interesting girl Kim Bora. What is it about flying that you love?”

I feel like dying without actually dying and I always dream about it.

She would never say it to Siyeon. “I feel… free in a way. Like an angel. Being above everything is charming.”

“I suppose it should feel good.” Siyeon nodded as she looked at the ocean. The boat wasn’t moving too fast, or too slow, it was at the right speed to enjoy their surroundings peacefully. The scent of the ocean clouding Bora's mind.

“I’ll let you take me to camp if you do skydiving with me or bungee jumping.” Bora smirked.

“Camps are overrated anyway.”

Bora laughed out loud at her comment, making Siyeon laugh in return. The confident girl was scared of heights, how adorable.

As their laughter died out Bora looked at Siyeon but really looked at her. Her smile alone burnished Bora’s soul into a beauty. Her eyes beamed with happiness, her voice sent Bora to the moon and back.

Bora was made for Siyeon.

The older one rested her head on the crook of Siyeon’s neck and inhaled her scent. She was born to be in her arms. She felt safe. Like she was home. The world could be ending and Bora wouldn’t care as long as she was in her arms.

She was still scared, but with Siyeon by her side she could endure everything. They could get through everything if they were together.

This was an unusual feeling, to feel like this for a person she barely knew but when Siyeon’s soul came across Bora’s in its path, their souls knew they were made for each other before they even met. It drew them closer like a magnet. 

Bora thanked every God and Goddess for bringing Siyeon to her. 

Maybe Siyeon was the answer she was looking for all along.


	5. Destiny

Siyeon watched herself trash her bedroom with anger. Her screams echoed in the room. There was one more person by the door, just waiting her wrath to be over as she broke the lamp, pulled over her dresser, smashed pictures. 

Then it stopped.

Anger was replaced with sorrow.

She collapsed on the floor, brought her knees to her chest and began to rock back and forth, her body shaking with the force of sobs.

Siyeon woke up in an empty bed, sun pouring down on her face through the open windows. The sight of the ocean made her forget about the dream.

For a moment.

She had never trashed her bedroom or cried that hard when she was angry. She just liked to be alone till she cooled off.

Why was she so angry in that dream? Honestly, if she didn’t see herself crying in any of her dreams, she would feel empty, really. She always cried. 

Ridiculous.

She didn’t think too hard about it; it was just a dream.

No matter how much she wanted to take Bora here at the end of the date and devour her, she couldn’t. She didn’t want to fuck this up by moving too fast or scaring her off. 

Their date was spectacular. Bora was more of herself than before, and Siyeon made sure not to make her panic all the time so she could speak freely and act however she liked.

When she thought of Bora’s question her lips curved into a smile.

‘'Are you a dominant?’'

Who asked that in the first date? 

Although Siyeon had her time as a dominant with few of her ex-girlfriends, she wouldn’t tell Bora that. Not now, maybe not ever. 

She relished on the idea of making a girl scream her name, not with just pleasure but with a little bit of pain too. She loved making them beg for more, beg for less, just beg in general. That was a bit sadistic too but they loved it.

Again, she never let anyone touch her lady parts, no one knew how to truly please Siyeon, no one touched her just right. Maybe because of that she loved inflicting a little bit of pain to her girlfriends as a punishment because they didn’t know.

Now she would never tell that part of herself to Bora. Bora was different. Siyeon wanted to make love to her, not fuck her senselessly. She wanted to kiss and treasure every part of her, make her feel beautiful, have her moan Siyeon’s name in delight.

But that would have to wait. 

Siyeon noticed Bora’s fear of commitment. She was afraid of love. She had battles in her head and from the look of her paintings it was not a battle she was winning. 

All throughout their date whenever Siyeon came too close to her face, Bora flinched. Siyeon had only tried once to kiss her and after seeing Bora’s reaction, she kept her distance. She had to earn her trust, make her understand Siyeon was here to stay, that she wouldn’t leave Bora, ever.

So they just enjoyed the night in a boat, circling around different islands. 

They got to know each other, every little detail. When Siyeon asked something, she always had a feeling she knew the answer. Sometimes she did. Sometimes she didn’t. Most importantly she learned that Bora was loud as fuck. Even people in other boats passing by them, looked at their way because of the loud laughter they shared.

Neither of them cared though. If anyone were to look at Bora a little off, Siyeon would end them. 

Gahyeon, her little sister, was conflicted between being happy her for her sister or sad because she was moving across the world. Nevertheless, she always got Siyeon’s back and supported her no matter what.

Yongsun on the other hand, was upset with her for leaving Somnia, it was an unpleasant conversation but she accepted it in the end. 

Hyejin was more than content with Siyeon’s decision. She was eager to hire Siyeon from the start anyway. 

Siyeon checked the time. She had to go to the club and do one more rehearsal with the band. Bora and Minji were coming to the opening night and Siyeon had to best idea to make her see she was here to stay. 

She wished Yoohyeon to be here. She missed her best friend.

Her eyes widened in horror as she remembered she had forgotten to inform Yoohyeon about the moving. She quickly grabbed her phone and dialed her best friend’s number. She hoped Yoohyeon wouldn’t fly here just to kick her ass.

At last she picked up. “Hello.” 

She sounded mad. God did Gahyeon tell her before she did? Yoohyeon would never forgive her. “Yoo-“

“I heard the new. Congrats.” Yoohyeon said with a tone that Siyeon thought was impossible for a girl like her. Yoohyeon rarely got angry and when she did, she forgave in an instant. She had a heart of gold.

“I meant to call you I-“

“I don’t care about your excuses Siyeon.” Yoohyeon said and it broke Siyeon’s heart. 

“Can you just let m-“

“No.” 

“Will you fucking listen?” Siyeon had to use the stern tone Yoohyeon feared. It was the only way to shut her up and listen. 

Yoohyeon remained silent and Siyeon had to check if she hung up. She didn’t. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you first but I’ve been busy, love. I have to rehearsal every day and then I had some things to do at nights, so it slipped my mind.” Siyeon said, her heart being fast at the thought of losing her best friend. 

No answer. Few seconds passed and Yoohyeon refused to talk. 

“Yoohyeon, love, please. You know I’m not leaving you.” Siyeon whispered.

“Really? Because it looks like you are. Why? Because you found some hot bitch?” 

Siyeon had to bite her tongue to fight about the comment she made on Bora. This was about Yoohyeon. Not Bora. It took everything in herself to restrain to urge to spit a hurtful comment back.

“Yoo, be careful.” Siyeon said clenching her jaw. 

“You are just leaving every one for someone you just met!” Even though Yoohyeon was yelling, Siyeon could tell she was silently crying. 

“I’m not leaving anyone, I’ll still come, you will come, nothing has to change.” 

“Because it’s so easy to travel back and forth, from Bora Bora to Korea.” Yoohyeon spit out. “Is she that good in bed, Si? Because let’s face it that’s the only reason you stay with girls.”

Okay, that was it. No one, not even her best friend could talk about Bora like that. Her temper was rising rapidly and she took a deep breath to calm down before speaking. 

“Yoohyeon, if you say one more thing about her I swear to God.” Siyeon said through her clenched teeth.

“What? You will leave me? You already did.” And she hung up. 

“Fuck!” Siyeon screamed in frustration. She couldn’t even get mad at her best friend, she was the one to blame, she hurt her. But truth be told, she would do it again and again for Bora if she had to.

Yoohyeon would come around, she always did. She would forgive her eventually. Siyeon debated if she should buy her a ticket to Bora Bora but that would have to wait for later. After Siyeon settled in an apartment.

She took a long shower to relax her mind before the rehearsal and wore a white shirt with a tie and simple black pants before stepping outside to dazzling light.

On her way to the club Siyeon tried to call Yoohyeon couple times but she declined them all. She groaned and called Gahyeon instead.

“Hey unnie.” 

“Is Yoohyeon there?” 

“Um.” Gahyeon paused and it was an answer alone. “Nope. Not here.”

“Don’t lie to me Gahyeon-ah.” 

Siyeon heard stirrings. “She doesn’t want to talk to you, unnie.” Gahyeon sighed. “Give her time.”

“You didn’t get mad, why is she getting mad?”

“Because I’m irreplaceable, I’m your sister, you would never leave me and I know that. She is your friend which is replaceable.”

“I’d never replace her!” Siyeon stopped walking. “How could I replace my best friend?”

“So that Minji girl you’ve told me about, is not a potential best friend?”

Siyeon knew Gahyeon was right. Minji’s presence alone made Siyeon feel at ease. Something she didn’t have with Yoohyeon. She hated herself for that, for feeling that way for a girl she just met instead of her life-long best friend. 

“So just give her time.” Gahyeon continued. 

“Fine.” Siyeon mumbled and hung up. 

After a short walk, she finally arrived. She was excited for tonight, excited to see Bora’s reaction to her voice. She didn’t know whether to be sad because of Yoohyeon or happy because of Bora. She had conflicted feelings. 

“Hyejin!” She quickly went to her table. She bowed out of respect and sat on the chair in front of her boss. “Can I sing one more song? It’s my song.”

“Oh?” Hyejin’s eyes found Siyeon with a smile on her lips. “Slow or rock?”

“It’s ballad.”

“Of course, you can Siyeon.”

They rehearsed the new song and went through the rest once more. The night had fallen rather quickly and it was almost time for her performance.

Siyeon was sitting in the bar, drinking wine as she waited for place to fill. Her eyes were constantly going to the door every time someone walked in, hoping that the next person was Bora.

She would never get this nervous to sing in front of people but the thought of seeing Bora made her heart rate speed up rapidly. 

She glanced at everyone individually. Where were they? 

Her band mate tapped her shoulder to let her know they’d start soon and Siyeon didn’t want go anywhere without talking to Bora first. With one last glance, she reluctantly got to her feet and made her way to the backstage. This place was packed and like Hyejin said there was even a line. However, she informed the bodyguards at the door about Bora and Minji so they’d let them in without waiting.

The stage went dark and she closed her eyes, took a deep breath to calm her nerves, praying Bora was here already.

When she stepped on the stage, the crowd went crazy. Siyeon forced a smile but her eyes were roaming the room for Bora. 

Then she saw her.

She looked like she was supposed to be on stage not Siyeon. She should have been on cover of every magazine.

They locked eyes, Bora was smiling and clapping just like the rest of them but Siyeon didn’t hear anyone. There was only Bora here tonight. Bora mouthed ‘good luck’ and it warmed Siyeon’s heart.

“Welcome to Destiny’s opening everyone!” Siyeon waited the room to go silent before she continued, “I hope you enjoy the evening.” 

She started the night with slow songs, jazz songs and switched to a little bit up-beat around the end. She could see Bora’s enthusiasm during each song, a smile never left her lips. Siyeon didn’t even glance at anyone else, her eyes were constantly on Bora as if she was singing privately to her.

The next song wasn’t the one Siyeon wrote but whenever she sang it, she only thought of Bora. 

This song was quite old, but it conveyed Siyeon’s feelings just right. 

“Wise man say, only fools rush in…  
but I can’t help falling in love with you.  
Shall I stay? Would it be a sin If I can’t help falling in love with you.”

Bora’s gaze fell to her drink, Siyeon could see how nervous she became all of a sudden since it was clearly a confession. It was distinguishable that love scared her deeply but Siyeon was determined.

“Like a river flows, surely to the sea,  
Darling so it goes,  
Some things are meant to be.”

Siyeon knew they were meant to be. Bora had to know too, this bond between them couldn’t be disregarded. 

Not only Bora’s cheeks, but her whole face turned red. Siyeon smiled before continuing the song,

“Take my hand,   
Take my whole life too,  
For I can’t help falling in love with you.”

The crowd applauded as soon as Siyeon belted out the final notes of the song, Bora swallowed hard before cheering, her smile was forced. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the song or her confession, Siyeon knew. She was just scared. Minji on the other hand, cheered louder than anyone else.

Siyeon smiled at her friends and it was time for the song she wrote for Bora. Her palms were sweating like a teenager and she took a sip of water. “This is my own song, everyone. For a special someone in the crowd.” She winked at Bora. 

She started the song, her eyes never once leaving Bora. She wanted to go there, hold her hands and sing directly into her eyes but this would have to be enough for the moment.

“I feel I love you  
Oh I love you  
Oh I like you  
Do I know you? Oh ah”

I feel like I do.

“I think I love you   
Oh I love you   
Oh I like you   
Maybe you’ll feel it, too...”

Siyeon could see the tears in Bora’s eyes throughout the song. She could see the battle in them, should she let herself fall for Siyeon or keep her walls up? But if she could just let Siyeon in, she was going to make Bora happy till the end of her days. 

When the song ended, Bora smiled through her watery eyes and clapped softly. These last two songs might have overwhelmed her a little, because it was more of a sad applause but Siyeon could see the love there she just had to reach and get it out in the open.

Siyeon bowed to the crowd thanked them before she got off the stage. She wiped her sweaty forehead and drank water for her dry throat. Her bandmates patted her on the shoulder, telling her she did well and Siyeon smiled happily.

It was time to find her girl. She searched the crowd, getting pats and praises here and there as she smiled at them kindly. Her eyes immediately found Bora like she was the only thing they ever wanted to see. 

Siyeon approached the two friends talking and wrapped her arms around Bora’s waist from behind. “Hey beautiful.”

“Si, your voice is so beautiful.” Minji said with a warm smile that reminded Siyeon of her mother.

“Thank you Minji, and what did you think, sweetheart? Enjoyed the show?” Siyeon whispered right into Bora’s ear, her hot breath making Bora shiver and tense in her arms.

“I-I did.” Bora stuttered indicating her gay panic. Siyeon was now very fond of Bora’s stutter whenever Siyeon got closer.

Siyeon and Minji shared a knowing look and they started laughing at Bora’s stutter. 

“I hate you both so much.” Bora whispered and got herself out of Siyeon’s arms.

“No you don’t sub.” Minji bit her lip to hold back her laughter. 

A loud laughter escaped Siyeon’s lips before she could it hold it back. “Sub?” she wiped her tears that formed in her eyes from laughing too much. Bora was just glaring at Minji, and then Siyeon, then back at Minji as if she couldn’t decide who to hate more.

“I’m this close to finding someone else to dance with.” Bora muttered angrily. 

That cut Siyeon’s laughter like a knife. She stood straighter and glared back at Bora, her jealousy surfacing. “No you won’t.” 

Bora raised her eyebrow, “Try me.” 

Siyeon just watched Bora took off inside the nightclub mouth agape. Did she seriously go to dance with someone? Even though Siyeon was jealous and hated the idea of someone touching Bora, she wanted to see if Bora could actually dare.

“You know she will do it.” Minji said with a chuckle. Siyeon had a feeling they both wanted to see if Bora could gather up enough courage to do it. 

“She won’t do it.” Siyeon was watching Bora intensely, she wasn’t smiling, she didn’t have that smug grin she usually had, she was fighting her jealousy just to see how far Bora would go. And because she didn’t want to smother Bora.

“Want to bet?” Minji asked.

“Bet.” 

The music played over the dance floor as if had fused with the bodies. Bora was just standing on the dance floor by herself and Siyeon wanted to go there just out of pity but she didn’t. 

A man approached Bora and both Minji and Siyeon took a step forward, ready to intervene but the man nodded when Bora declined him and turned away to leave. 

Then a beautiful woman approached Bora. Siyeon automatically tensed and she was ready to jump on the dance floor but Minji grabbed her wrist to stop her. 

So Siyeon stopped. She waited Bora’s next move. Siyeon raised an eyebrow when they locked eyes as if she was challenging her and Bora took the challenge. 

Bora pressed her back to the woman’s front and started grinding on her.

She was grinding. On. A. Stranger. 

Siyeon felt the anger, the possessiveness, the jealousy all at once and it was overwhelming. She loosened the tie on her neck feeling suffocated. She heard Minji laugh as she watched her best friend. 

“I told you she’d do it.” Minji said amusingly. “She’s a little brat.”

But Bora was looking right into Siyeon seductively while she rested her head on the woman’s shoulder, swaying her hips to the music. 

Enough. 

She’s my brat. Mine.

Siyeon got rid of Minji’s grip on her wrist and made her way to the older woman slowly like a predator hunting its prey. 

In a blink of an eye, Bora’s back was suddenly pressed against her own front, arms holding her possessively and the stranger was nowhere to be seen. 

She heard Bora’s shocked gasp, her body rigid. 

Siyeon tried to hold herself, her jealousy, she didn’t want to scare Bora nor go too far but she wasn’t thinking straight. No one could touch Bora. No one.

“Aren’t you bold, sweetheart.” Siyeon whispered in her ear, despite the loud music she knew Bora heard her. “Go on, then. Dance.” Her hands roamed on her body till it rested on her waist, urging her to sway her hips like she did with that woman.

She smiled feeling satisfied when Bora obeyed. They started dancing to the music, Bora’s ass constantly grinding on Siyeon’s front, and Siyeon sucked in a breath. 

Siyeon’s lips found Bora’s pulse and left a soft kiss, another one on her collarbone while they danced as if it was written on their DNA. Their bodies fit like two pieces of a puzzle.

There was no one else in the dance floor, not for them anyway. It was just two of them.

Her stomach became a dome because of the butterflies that always remained whenever Bora was around.

Siyeon’s first instinct was to punish Bora for even thinking of touching someone else but she held it back. This wasn’t one of her subs, this wasn’t a one-night stand, this was Bora. Someone she would do whatever she had to do to keep.

Bora turned around to face Siyeon, wrapping her arms around Siyeon’s neck and her eyes were on Siyeon’s lips. Siyeon noticed her confidence while she danced. When Bora flowed in dance, her personality, her sensuality burst through into the most vivid picture. 

The younger girl knew Bora wanted to kiss her. she could see the desire, the lust in her eyes and she wanted it as much as the older girl but she didn’t make a move. She waited for Bora. She wanted her to be ready for it, she didn’t want to force her into anything.

Siyeon noticed Bora’s head inching closer, very slow for her liking but she waited. 

And the wait was worth it. Bora finally closed the gap between them and leaned in to capture Siyeon’s warm lips. Siyeon held the older one’s body tightly and let her take control for this one time. Bora’s body melted into hers as they kissed tenderly. Siyeon’s heart was about to explode, the love she had for this woman was unbelievable. They kissed like they had kissed a thousand times before. Bora kissed her as if she was pouring the unspoken words into her kiss. 

When they broke away after what seemed like ages they looked at each other smiling, panting for air. She saw the blush on the older one’s cheeks, and cupped her cheeks softly. This time she took the control pulling her into a fierce and passionate kiss. She couldn’t contain herself. Thankfully Bora didn’t mind as she reciprocated the kiss just as passionately. 

They pulled apart again but before letting her go, Siyeon bit her bottom lip careful not to hurt too much. 

Suddenly they were pulled into the reality, realizing their surroundings and where they were. Siyeon couldn’t care less but Bora’s cheeks were tomato red. With one last glance at Siyeon she took her hand and walked towards Minji who was drinking alone in the corner. 

“Hey love birds.” Minji chuckled. 

Siyeon smirked at the comment but Bora became smaller than she already was. “What time is it?” Bora murmured but when it wasn’t heard she repeated it louder.

“You can go back to the apartment I’ll just, you know, find someone else to sleep with.” Minji offered and Siyeon covered her laughter with a cough.

Bora cleared her throat and took Minji’s beer from her hands to drink it all at once. “Hey!” 

“I thought you’d find someone, Minji?” Siyeon asked to change the topic.

“It was more fun to watch you both.” Minji laughed, Bora shrunk in her spot once more.

“Okay, enough. Mine.” Minji took the bottle from Bora and drank the rest quickly. “Shall we go?”

Siyeon looked at Bora. She wanted to ask if she would come back to her place but she didn’t. It was too soon and she didn’t want to fuck it up. Bora nodded at the question.

“I’ll call a cab; I don’t want to walk.” Minji said taking her phone out of her pocket while the three of them walked outside of the club.

Siyeon gave her own jacket for Bora to wear as they were waiting. The cab arrived after few minutes and they all got in. 

“Siyeon, are you coming upstairs with us?” Minji winced in pain, Siyeon guess Bora pinched her, “Ouch hey stop it.” Minji slapped Bora’s hand away. 

Siyeon chuckled, “No. I have to rest.” 

Minji scoffed, they both know it was an excuse. “We have beds.” 

“Siyeon said she needs to rest, give her a break will you.” Bora snarled. 

A heavy silence settled over them. It hurt Siyeon a little that Bora didn’t want her, and the fact that she didn’t say anything about her song was killing her. It was breaking her heart. Her gaze fell to her lap. She was going to wait no matter what but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt along the way.

They arrived at Siyeon’s resort. “Thank you again for coming, both of you. I appreciate it. Good night.” Siyeon forced a smile and got out of the car but she didn’t expect Bora to follow.

“What are you doing?” Siyeon asked.

Instead of answering, Bora wrapped her arms around Siyeon’s neck, pulling her into a tight hug. 

“I feel it too, Siyeon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs used:   
> Elvis Presley - Can't help falling in love  
> Dreamcatcher - Jazz Bar


	6. Home

It’s been rough couple of weeks for Siyeon.

The search for an apartment was tiring to say the least. But having Bora with herself made it better. It was actually Bora who found the small but modern apartment Siyeon settled in to. The shipment came right after they found a place so it was a relief. 

Siyeon’s apartment was perfect. The view from her home was to die for. The ocean could be seen everywhere. Her furniture was new and the building was newly made. The rent wasn’t even high. 

Hyejin gave her time to settle in before she started her job at the club. They made a sweet deal, Siyeon had to perform only 4 nights a week so the rest of the week, she could spend it with Bora. 

And she did. 

They went to different kind of dates even with the hectic schedule Siyeon had. They made their relationship official after few more dates and she hoped Bora knew she was here to stay.

Bora and Minji helped Siyeon to unpack, Bora even got over her gay panic over the time, she was now bolder with Siyeon, bratty even. Not that Siyeon cared, obviously. 

They didn’t say the L word after Siyeon’s confession at the opening night.

But Bora said, she felt it too.

Bora never had to say I love you, this was enough for Siyeon.

The night Bora had said it, Siyeon couldn’t sleep for a second. All she could think about was Bora’s words.

I feel it too, Siyeon.

Siyeon was happy. She was more than happy. Her heart belonged to Bora and even if they were taking things slow, Siyeon was just content to be around Bora, breathing the same air. 

Yoohyeon forgave her after making her suffer for few more days. Siyeon had to explain her feelings to Bora, and assure her Minji wouldn’t take her spot, that she had a special place in Siyeon’s heart no one could take.

She was now laying in her king sized bed watching the ocean through the window. She toyed with the idea of swimming and inviting Bora as well. 

She dialed Bora’s number.

“Good morning.” Bora’s voice was husky like she just woke up and it sent shivers down Siyeon’s spine.

“Did I wake you up?” Siyeon asked.

“Hmm, it’s okay. I like waking up to your voice.”

If Siyeon wasn’t on the phone with Bora, she would have screamed. She took a deep breath to calm her stupid heart. “I wish you were here; I would wake you up with kisses.”

She heard Bora giggle. “That can be arranged.” 

Okay, Kim Bora.

“Tonight?” Siyeon bit her lip as she waited for the answer.

“Okay. Are you comfortable in your apartment? Did you settle in well?”

“Ah yes. Yeah I love my home.” 

But Siyeon didn’t mean the four walls she was staying in. 

“I’m glad Si.”

“I miss you though.” Siyeon rolled on the bed to lay on her stomach.

“You literally saw me yesterday. And you will see me tonight.” Bora chuckled.

“So? Can’t I miss my girlfriend?” Girlfriend. How much she loved saying the word. Bora was hers.

“Cheesy.”

“Brat.”

“This brat has to go because Minji will burn down the kitchen if I don’t stop her.” 

“What do you mean, she makes delicious pancakes!” 

Bora scoffed. “Your welcome. But seriously I have to go. I’ll see you soon Si.” 

“Don’t be late.”

After they hang up, Siyeon screamed with joy. She loved that woman. She loved her so much that it was unbearable. 

She wanted to take things to next level tonight, she wanted to treasure Bora’s body. But she was also scared. Because Bora wasn’t like the other girls Siyeon had sex with, they only cared about their own pleasure. Siyeon knew the artist would want to please her at some point but she was scared. On top of that, she was a virgin and didn’t tell Bora that. 

She also didn’t want to push Bora. She would have to wait till Bora made it obvious she wanted to take things further. 

Regardless of the outcome tonight, Siyeon wanted it to be perfect. 

She went out to grocery store to buy the necessary ingredients for a meal she wanted to cook. The only problem was she sucked at cooking. She debated if she should buy take out but that wasn’t romantic. The only solution was Minji. Next best thing.

Minji answered at the second ring. “Hello?”

“Minji you know I love you right?” 

“What do you want Si?” Minji said unamused. 

“Are you with Bora?”

“Yes, she is cooking like a good girl she is.” Siyeon heard a shout she guessed it was Bora’s.

Siyeon laughed, “That’s my girl but I need your help, I want to cook a romantic dinner and I can’t cook, you are my only hope and please don’t make it obvious to Bora.”

“Oh no, I’ll be right there!” 

Siyeon laughed at how extra Minji was. She figured she would find a good excuse to Bora. Hopefully.

She finished shopping and went straight to her new apartment. Siyeon placed the ingredients she bought in the fridge and waited for Minji to arrive while she watched tv. 

She wondered what Bora was doing, other than cooking. Was she okay? Was she happy? Siyeon wanted to keep Bora safe from anything.

After half an hour, she heard a knock on the door and she quickly made her way to open it. 

“Do you know how hard it is to lie to Bora?” Minji said as soon as the door was open and gave Siyeon a tight hug. “If I’m your best hope, we’re fucked.”

“You can do it; I believe in you!” Siyeon encouraged as they walked to the kitchen. Minji looked in the fridge and took out the necessary ingredients. It was a simple meal, steak and few appetizers.

“So how is it going between you two?” Minji asked and got to work.

“It’s good, Bora is still scared though I can see it.”

“She really likes you, trust me, she only talks about you.”

Siyeon’s eyes shone with the new information, her heart melted. “Really?”

“Yeah, I feel like I’m dating you too.” 

“Oh you wish.” Siyeon grinned. 

“You underestimate me, Siyeon.” Minji’s voice lowered, and if Siyeon shivered at the tone.

They spent the rest of day trying not to burn the steak or the appetizers they made. It was mostly Minji ordering Siyeon around and if it was anyone else Siyeon would’ve felt mad for not being in control but with Minji she didn’t care at all. 

“I think we did well.” Minji said sitting down on a couch with Siyeon by her side. Siyeon rested her head on Minji’s shoulder, for some reason it was the first thing she wanted to do when Minji was by her side. It felt good.

“You did well, I did nothing.” Siyeon chuckled. “What should I wear?” 

The older one whined, “First Bora now you, I feel so single.” 

“I have a friend I can hook you up with but she is in Korea.” Siyeon shrugged. Yoohyeon would’ve been perfect for Minji.

“Sucks. Wear something comfortable Siyeon. You will do well tonight. Don’t stress.” Minji patted Siyeon’s head and her praise made the younger girl’s heart flutter. 

The night had fallen by the time Minji left. Siyeon set the room in a dim light, and lighted some candles on the table and around the room. She decided to wear pants and a hoodie, since they were going to be home for the night.

She poured wine for both of them and waited. She wanted this night to go smoothly.

Finally, the door rang and Siyeon had to restrain herself from running like a kid. She opened to the door to see a goddess. 

Aphrodite be damned. 

This girl was the beauty goddess itself. She was utterly stunning.

Her brown hair was in a ponytail, she had pants on just like Siyeon, and a simple white oversized shirt. “This is not a modelling agency.” 

Bora rolled her eyes with a chuckle, “You are getting more and more cheesy.” She leaned up to peck Siyeon’s lips softly before walking inside. 

Siyeon quickly followed her and gave her a tight back hug as Bora took her time to observe. “You look so beautiful Bora.” She whispered. 

“You look handsome Siyeon.”

They settled in the table and Siyeon served the steak Minji made. Minji said this was Bora’s favorite. 

“Did you do it?” Bora asked taking a bite from the steak.

Siyeon wanted to take the whole credit for it, but she hated lying. Especially to her girl. She sighed, “No, I asked Minji to help.”

Bora laughed as if she already knew, “Thank you for not lying.” 

“I’d never lie to you Bora.” Siyeon said, “Is it that obvious I didn’t cook it?”

“Well, this is the only meal Minji mastered.” Bora took a sip from her wine, “That, and after you called, she said her shop was flooded. In a sunny day.”

Siyeon shook her head, she thought Minji would come up with a decent excuse, guess not.

“I just wanted to cook for you once, you are the one who cooks all the time.”

“Siyeon, there is a reason why I do the cooking. You both, no offense, suck.” Bora chuckled. “It’s the thought that counts, I’m grateful, thank you.”

“Such a wife material.” 

After a pleasant dinner, Bora suggested to watch a movie Siyeon’s bed. Bora was laying in her arms, head on her chest, legs tangled together. Siyeon wasn’t watching the movie, she was trying to control her heart beat so Bora wouldn’t understand what a mess she was just by cuddling.

Bora must’ve noticed the rapid heartbeat and she placed her hand on Siyeon’s chest. “Are you okay?” 

Siyeon nodded at the question, stroking her girlfriend’s hair slowly, pretending to watch the movie but in all honesty she just wanted to take Bora here and now.

But she would wait. She had to wait till Bora was ready.

Siyeon’s heart skipped a beat when she felt a kiss on her neck. It wasn’t an open mouthed kiss but like a hesitant type of kiss. Then there was another kiss closer to her earlobe. Siyeon wasn’t breathing at this point. “Bora.” She whispered but before she could continue Bora pressed her warm lips against hers. She kissed her softly like she was a fragile baby that would break. Siyeon kissed her back just as soft, waiting how far Bora would take things so she could take the control.

The soft and tender kiss turned into a passionate one in no time, Bora slid her tongue in Siyeon’s mouth and finally Siyeon lost it. She flipped Bora onto her back and crawled on top of her while they never broke the kiss. Their tongues battling together but Siyeon easily dominating the other. 

When Bora let out the most beautiful sound Siyeon ever heard, she bit her bottom lip a little bit too hard, soothing it with her tongue right after. 

Siyeon looked into her eyes, panting for air. “Bora, are you sure?” She whispered. 

“Please.” 

And that was enough for Siyeon.

Her lips found their way to Bora’s jawline, then her neck. She left open mouthed kisses, and nibbled on her earlobe. Bora’s soft whimpers were music to Siyeon but she needed them louder. 

How had she lived without Bora? She was essential just like air. 

Siyeon sucked on her neck to leave a hickey, to let people know she was hers. And hers only. She kissed and licked and sucked all over her neck turning Bora into a whimpering mess. 

Siyeon felt hands at the hem of her hoodie, eager to take it off so Siyeon obeyed happily. First she took her hoodie, leaving herself with a bra then she roamed her eyes on the marks she left on Bora’s neck. Her lips curving into a smile.

Mine.

Siyeon wandered her hands on Bora’s waist to her breasts looking at her for permission. Bora nodded her eyes never leaving Siyeon’s breasts. She knew the artists wanted to touch because her hands were slowly approaching her chest. 

Siyeon panicked. Not yet. Not today. 

“Behave, baby.” She grabbed Bora’s wrists and pinned them above her head. Siyeon kissed her lips one more time before taking off her girlfriend’s shirt, tossing it aside. 

She was perfect. 

She cupped her breasts through the fabric of her bra. She wanted to take everything off and make Bora scream as soon as possible but she also wanted to take her time and make her feel beautiful. 

Siyeon’s hand moved behind her back to unclasp the annoying bra and when she saw her hardened nipples, she couldn’t hold on anymore she moved in to kiss her shoulders down to her chest then finally tugged her nipple into her mouth, giving it a hard suck and a bite as Bora groaned.

She had to control herself not to inflict pain to Bora in any way, it was a habit, really. She shifted her mouth to her other breast, giving the same treatment as the other. 

Her girlfriend’s legs tried to close to get a little bit of friction but Siyeon quickly settled herself between her thighs, forcing them to stay open but she pressed her own thigh against her clit. Bora let out a gasp followed by a moan when she started grinding.

“You are so fucking beautiful, Bora.” Siyeon whispered on her wet nipple and bit it gently. Her respond was a deep whine asking for more. 

Siyeon chuckled at how eager Bora was, she removed her thigh between her legs, causing Bora to pathetically whine again and she made her way down her abs with sloppy wet kisses. She looked at her girl one more time to really make sure.

“Yes, p-please.” Bora murmured. 

Siyeon unzipped her pants way too slow, getting another whine in return and Bora lifted her hips up to get it done quickly. 

She knew she should take her time with Bora, make her beg, turn her into a mess but when Bora moaned her name, her brain stopped working.

She tossed the pants away, not caring where they landed and bit her lip at the sight of Bora's soaked underwear. She was soaked for Siyeon. She kissed her inner thighs, leaving dark bruises along the way moving incredibly slow to the part needing attention the most. 

She ran her fingers down her soaked panties and looked at her girlfriend. Her eyes were shining with lust and desire, waiting for Siyeon’s next move, her breathing heavy. 

Finally, Siyeon took off her underwear, leaving her completely at her mercy. “My, my, so wet for me.” Siyeon swallowed at the sight. Bora was already dripping and Siyeon’s mouth watered. She inhaled Bora’s arousal and licked her lips before she dived in.

Both Siyeon and Bora moaned loudly. Siyeon at the taste of her girlfriend and Bora at how good it felt. She ran her tongue flat on her pussy and moved it slowly to her clit. She sucked her clit into her mouth, making Bora arch her back and moan louder than ever. Bora’s fingers ran through Siyeon’s hair pushing her more between her legs.

Siyeon wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s thighs, holding her so she could lap at her juices hungrily. Bora was panting, holding onto her head her nails digging into her scalp while she sucked and licked her clit as if she was starving.

Siyeon pressed her thumb on her clit to rub slowly, and her tongue moved down to her center. Bora gasped and groaned her name as she moved her hips eagerly against the thumb. She smirked and blew her cold breath on her wet pussy only to have her shiver and started tongue fucking her. 

“M-more, I-I need more, p-please.” Bora groaned and pushed Siyeon’s head impossibly closer, her juices were all over Siyeon’s chin and nose. Her index finger rubbed up and down between her folds before circling around the center. “Y-yes, d-don’t stop” Bora pleaded. Siyeon wasn’t planning on stopping.

She dipped a finger inside, Bora felt so warm around her finger, clenching her walls tightly. She pumped it a few times before adding another finger and the most beautiful scream left Bora’s lips, head falling back in ecstasy.

“You feel so good, sweetheart.” Siyeon whispered and sucked her clit back into her mouth while she thrusted her fingers in and out slowly, curling them in the right spot. 

Bora’s nails dug deeper into her scalp but she didn’t care. She continued the movement a little faster now, her tongue never stopping for a second. The only sound in the room was Bora’s high pinched moans and the wet sounds from her clit. 

Bora’s thighs began to tremble and they both knew she was close. So Siyeon fastened her fingers and added a third one stretching her just right.

When Bora came hard on her fingers, her entire body was shaking, loud moans and cries filling the room as she came down from her high with Siyeon’s help, and Siyeon made sure not to waste any of her cum and she was also sure, her scalp was bleeding. 

Siyeon kissed her swollen pussy once more and pulled her fingers out. Bora winced at the contact and the emptiness, still feeling a little sensitive from her orgasm. 

“You did good, baby, you are delicious.” Siyeon smirked and kissed her thigh before crawling on top of Bora to kiss her lips, making her taste herself.

Siyeon pulled Bora in her arms, and whispered praises in her ear as she calmed down. Then Bora said the words Siyeon dreaded the most. 

“I want to make you feel good too, Siyeon.” 

Shit. Shit. She didn’t want to say no, to make her feel rejected or as if she didn’t want her. “Aren’t you tired babygirl? You should sleep.”

Bora shook her head and pressed a wet kiss on her neck. Then her ear, which was Siyeon’s weak spot. She whimpered before she could stop it and it only encouraged Bora more. Her sloppy kisses were now moving down to her chest, pushing Siyeon on her back and she straddled her hips.

“Bora I-“ Her words got stuck in her throat when Bora kissed her. Her heart was about to explode, she had no idea what to do. It had been years since someone touched her, and when they did, she felt nothing, she felt disgusted. She was about to have a panic attack during sex, what was wrong with her?

Bora took off her bra and before she could cup her breasts, Siyeon stopped them by gripping hard on her wrists. “Stop. Please I-“ She felt so out of control and it was killing her. How was she going to explain to Bora? She would judge her.

“What’s wrong?” Bora asked, concerned she did something wrong.

“I-“ am a virgin? She felt so embarrassed. People don’t touch me? Even more embarrassing.

“Siyeon, I just want to make you feel good.” Bora leaned down to kiss her lips tenderly. “But if you’re uncom-“

“I’m a virgin and I never had orgasm, I don’t know what to do.” Siyeon said it in a flash and hid her face with her arm. She hated this, she hated feeling vulnerable, out of control.

Bora stood up straight on her lap, her mouth agape. “You are a virgin? Never had an orgasm?” 

Siyeon just nodded, unable to speak. Bora removed her arm from her face and smiled. “If you don’t want to do anything, I won’t.” 

Did she want it? She did, more than anything but she had no idea what to do. Literally. “I do but-“

“Then let me do the work and you just enjoy?” Bora whispered into her ear and bit her earlobe. She couldn’t stop the whine even if she wanted to, it was her weakness. Her panties were a mess and it was sticking to her skin which she rarely experienced. 

When Bora’s tongue found its way to her nipple her entire body tensed. Her girlfriend must’ve sensed it because she was looking at Siyeon who looked like she had seen a ghost. 

“Baby, relax. I won’t hurt you and if you feel slightly uncomfortable I’ll stop.” Bora sucked her nipple into her mouth and swirled her tongue around the hardened nipple, bit it and possibly left a mark. Siyeon tasted blood in her mouth and she realized she had been biting her lip to the point of drawing blood, her eyes clenched shut. “Do you trust me?” Bora whispered and all Siyeon could do was to nod. “Then please relax your body, don’t hold your moans.” 

And she tried. She reminded herself this was not a random girl; this was the girl she loved more than anything. She listened to Bora’s command and she felt herself relax a little while Bora worked on the other nipple. 

“A-Ah fuck…” A throaty moan left her lips and her entire body jerked. She wanted more. She needed more but she was too embarrassed to ask for more. She had to wait and take whatever Bora decided to give.

And she hated begging. She wanted girls to beg not the other way around. 

Bora unzipped her pants and took them off with her panties without warning, leaving her butt naked, completely vulnerable. 

Her legs closed immediately but Bora spread them out again, her gaze was making Siyeon flush head to the toe. “Stop staring,” Siyeon whimpered covering her face once again. 

“What can I do? You are gorgeous.” Bora whispered and settled herself between Siyeon’s legs, leaving sloppy kisses on her belly on the way, then her inner thighs. 

Siyeon’s first instinct was to close her legs again, the attention on her body that she never had and Bora’s lustful gaze was overwhelming but Bora stopped them from closing with a strong hold. 

“Siyeon, focus on me, only me.” Bora murmured as if she heard her thoughts, her hot breath on her wet clit making her tense again. 

“Bora I-I don’t know what to do.” Siyeon was about to cry from the attention alone. 

“Just focus on me,” Bora licked her pussy from the bottom to top. Siyeon tried to pull herself back overwhelmed by how good it felt but Bora held her still. 

“Oh my god…” Siyeon never felt anything like this before. It was like her body already knew how to respond to Bora. Her tongue was magic.

“You taste so good,” Bora whispered and sucked her clit deeply into her mouth, causing Siyeon to moan out loud. 

“F-Fuck!” She whispered breathlessly and held onto the sheets like her life depended on it her knuckles turning white. 

Bora’s tongue plunged into her center causing Siyeon to groan loudly at the pleasure. “Bora,” she whispered breathlessly. She wanted more. Her tongue twirled inside her, then withdrew, then plunged again. Siyeon’s thighs were threatening to close but Bora held them spread out to expose more of her. She felt something in her stomach that she couldn’t name. 

Bora’s fingers found their way to her soaked folds, moving it slowly up then back down again while her tongue never stopped assaulting her clit. Another loud moan escaped her lips as Siyeon tried to push Bora’s head closer. Then Bora’s finger lurked around her center, it made her flinch slightly as she never experienced it. “May I?” Bora asked softly, looking up at her with those sinful eyes. 

Siyeon didn’t know what to do or say and she was scared she would stutter if she spoke so she just nodded eagerly. 

Next thing she felt was a finger, stretching her tight walls pushing its way inside Siyeon, filling her just right. A scream left her lips, pain and pleasure blending perfectly. She was panting for air, arching her back as Bora pushed it knuckles deep. “B-Bora!”

Bora kissed her quivering belly and licked her nipple before reaching Siyeon’s lips. She swallowed a moan that escaped Siyeon’s lips and kissed her passionately. 

“You are perfect, Siyeon.” Bora muttered and looked into her eyes but Siyeon couldn’t. She closed her eyes and her thighs were trembling none stop, her legs immediately closed when there was nothing to hold them open.

But Bora spread them wide open with her own legs again, she left sloppy kisses all over her neck kissing and sucking and biting, her finger moving in and out slowly as Siyeon cried out. “Oh f-fuck, please…” 

After few more thrusts, another finger entered her body. Siyeon had to bit her girlfriend’s shoulder to stop the next scream but failed miserably. Her arms wrapped around Bora, she buried her head in her neck, struggling to keep quiet as Bora thrusted her fingers faster, curling them inside of her.

“Bora, p-please I think I-“ Siyeon breathed out, unable to finish her sentence, her head fell back to pillow in ecstasy. 

“Let it go, don’t hold it baby.” Bora encouraged her, now her thumb was rubbing her clit with every hard thrust. 

Her entire body convulsed as she came, she let out the loudest moan of the night and shuddered violently as ripples of pleasure spread from throbbing core, down her thighs and up her belly and back.

So that was how girls felt when they came? That was pure heaven. 

Bora held her tight against her body and kissed all over her face telling her how proud she was. After Siyeon calmed down from her intense orgasm, which was a first, she pulled her fingers out very gently not to hurt Siyeon more and Siyeon whined at the emptiness she felt. 

“Was it good? Did it hurt? How are you feeling?” Bora asked to still panting Siyeon.

Siyeon never felt better. No wonder why no one could make her reach climax. She didn’t love any of them like she loved Bora, she never felt safer when she was in Bora’s arms. 

Bora was home.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Siyeon rambled repeatedly wanting to thank Bora for this priceless pleasure but she still felt a little embarrassed to look at Bora.

Bora laughed softly and laid in Siyeon’s chest. Siyeon’s arms wrapped around her protectively. 

Siyeon was still trembling with aftershocks of release. Holy shit she wanted this, possibly every day.

“You won’t ask for it every day, will you?” Bora chuckled.

Okay did she read her mind?

“I make no promises.” Siyeon kissed her head, pulling a blanket over them. The shower could wait till tomorrow. “Are you tired?” 

“Mm.” 

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, Siyeon thought. Fuck it.

“I love you Kim Bora.” 

Bora only smiled against her neck, snuggling closer. “I love you, Lee Siyeon.” 

Siyeon was screaming internally, she was jumping up and down much like her heart. 

She loved her, she loved Siyeon.

“Good night, my little bird.”


	7. Let it hurt, then let it go

“Good night, my little bird.” Was the last thing Bora heard before she drifted off to sleep.

Then everything came crushing down.

She remembered everything. 

She remembered her best friend, childhood friend Handong. How they would die and kill for each other. 

She remembered her parents, rich and successful with so much love for Bora. 

She remembered meeting Siyeon, a mysterious girl who didn’t talk nor made eye contact with anyone and her best friend Minji, protecting her from anything and anyone. 

She remembered the first real conversation she had with Siyeon after she had to calm her down. How she was in so much pain, her disorder making her life a living hell. She remembered falling for her. She remembered Yoohyeon, Minji’s girlfriend who never left her side like a puppy. 

She remembered Gahyeon and Yubin, joining their pack after but fitting right in. 

She remembered the laughs, the cries, the fights, the dates, the love she had with Siyeon. How she was suffering every day, fighting her demons with Bora’s help. 

She remembered how Siyeon started to lose the fight against her demons, the desperation she felt during these times, the helplessness, the hopelessness, the anger, the pain, the agony.

Then she remembered finding Siyeon wrists cut open in a bathroom. How her face was pale, how she looked dead, how she and Minji tried to keep her alive till EMTs came. 

She remembered the grief after Siyeon died in her arms. How it was unbearable for her and Minji. How she cried on the dirt on her grave, hoping she was happy now. She remembered crying in her best friend’s arms every night until she decided to join Siyeon.

She remembered the letter Siyeon wrote for her and Minji. 

She remembered the pain she felt when she jumped off the rooftop with Minji because they had failed to save Siyeon. 

“Bora, baby it’s noon, I made you breakfast.” Bora heard someone. It sounded like Siyeon. 

Siyeon?

She was dead.

So was Bora.

So was Minji.

They were all dead.

Maybe she finally joined her girlfriend in heaven. 

She tried to open her eyes but they felt too heavy. She tried again, her eyes fluttered open slowly to see Siyeon staring right back at her.

Siyeon. 

She was here. 

How?

She blinked a few times. She was still here.

“Bora? Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart? Bora called her that because Siyeon was the most insecure person she had ever seen, Bora had to call her sweet names to assure her.

She stared at her supposed to be dead girlfriend. 

“I called Minji, she wants to join for lunch, is that okay? Oh and Gahyeon called too, she says hi.” Siyeon spoke again.

Minji?

Were they all in heaven?

They were dead. They all killed themselves. In fact, she could feel the ache in her bones. Bora couldn’t wrap her head around what was happening. 

Gahyeon? She had to be dead in order to be in this heaven or whatever it was.

“Is she dead too?” 

Siyeon’s face turned confused to angry in split second. “What? She isn’t dead. Take it back for fucks sake.”

Then how did she call Siyeon? 

What the fuck.

Bora reached to touch Siyeon’s face hesitantly. She was real. She felt her. She was very much alive, she could hear her breathing, she could see the life in her eyes unlike the ones she saw at the hospital. Dead and lifeless.

Bora noticed her blue hair. Since when Siyeon had blue hair? When did she cut it this short? Siyeon hated short hair.

“When did you cut your hair?” Bora whispered. Siyeon was taken aback with her question.

“I’ve had it short for years?” It was more of a question than an answer.

“You hate short hair.” 

“I like short hair that’s why I’ve had it short for years.” Siyeon’s brows frowned. “Are you okay?” 

“How are you not dead?” Bora couldn’t tear her eyes away from Siyeon. Aside from the confusion, she looked happy. There was no hint of sadness in her eyes anymore. She looked confident. 

Bora grabbed her arm and ran her fingers on her smooth skin that had no scars.

“What?” Siyeon muttered as she pulled her arm back, “What are you doing?” 

Bora looked around the room, taking in her surroundings. This was not either of their room. Bora looked down at her naked body. Why was she even naked? Maybe that was how people woke up in heaven (or whatever it is) after dying. 

She looked at Siyeon, who was laying next to her fully clothed and had a confused expression.

“Where are we wolfie?” Bora got to her feet butt naked but winced in pain. She felt like her bones were sticking out of her body. She exhaled shakily and walked to the window to look outside. All she could see was ocean. 

“Wolfie? We are in my apartment... Bora what is going on?” Siyeon sounded so worried. Bora’s heart ached.

“This isn’t Korea?” 

“This is Bora Bora?” Siyeon was standing behind her, she put the oversized shirt on Bora. How protective. When did Siyeon start being protective and took care of Bora? It was the other way around.

This was their heaven. It had to be because they were fucking dead.

“Is it because you said you would meet me here?” Bora asked. “You waited for me?” 

“Bora are you sleep walking? Are you still dreaming?” Siyeon turned her around to look at her face. She looked outstanding. If this was their heaven, Siyeon was probably the Goddess. Bora looked at her like she wasn’t real. A sad smile played on her lips followed by a single tear rolling down her cheek. 

She wanted to cry for the loss of her girlfriend, it was just like yesterday when she had found her bleeding in the bathroom or kissing her cold lips but she was right here, looking at Bora with a worried expression, unsure of what to do.

Siyeon wiped the single tear that escaped with her thumb, pulling Bora in her protective embrace. Bora closed her eyes to enjoy her warm body against hers. How much she missed the warmth of her body. Even if it hasn’t been long since they died.

Bora took a step back when she remembered Siyeon’s rambling, “Minji?”

“Oh yes, she wants to join for lunch. But forget that, take a shower now, please.” She demanded.

Siyeon never demanded anything. She was a literal baby who was scared of everything and everyone. She hated people and people usually hated her.

But she listened. She roamed around the house, trying to find where bathroom was. 

“Bora, it’s right here.” Siyeon sighed, gently dragging her to the bathroom and kissed her forehead before closing the door.

Bora looked at the bathroom floor. All she could see was Siyeon laying there in her own blood, lifeless. 

Her knees became weak and she collapsed on the floor, just like she fell down on her girlfriend’s blood. A silent sob left her lips, she felt the grief and desperation all over again when she remembered holding her cold body.

She tried to make her sobs as quiet as possible so Siyeon wouldn’t hear it like she used to all the time. She never wanted to worry Siyeon so whenever it got too hard, she just cried on the bathroom till she was empty, till there was no tears left to cry. 

And Siyeon never noticed. 

It was good because she was suffering enough with her own pain, she didn’t need Bora’s pain.

After crying silently for what felt like hours, Bora heard a soft knock. “Bora are you okay? It’s been half an hour, sweetheart. Minji is here.”

Maybe she could ask her what was happening because Siyeon had no idea. She sniffled and took a deep breath to sound normal. “C-Can you send Minji here?” 

“Of course.” 

Bora wiped her tears but her eyes were swollen and her nose was red, anyone could tell she had been crying. She stood up from her knees. Another knock. “Bora, it’s me Minji.” 

Bora opened the door enough for Minji to come in but she hid herself behind the door so Siyeon wouldn’t see she had been crying, she didn’t want to make her upset.

“Bora what-“ Minji couldn’t finish her sentence when she saw Bora’s face. She quickly rushed to her best friend and held her tight. “What happened?!” 

“W-where are we?” Bora muttered, pulling herself away from the hold. She was close to crying her eyes out again but she held it. She needed answers. She needed them now before she lost her mind.

“In Siyeon’s apartment?” Minji looked as lost as Siyeon. 

“Is this heaven?” 

“What? No?” Minji stepped forward again to hug her again but Bora slapped her hands away. She was so fed up not getting answers. 

“No! It has to be, we killed ourselves!” Bora didn’t mean to raise her voice; she didn’t want to alert Siyeon but she couldn’t help it as anger took over.

“We are very much alive.” Minji said, still looking as clueless as ever. God did their memories reset?

“No! We jumped off a rooftop after Siyeon killed herself because we couldn’t live without her! God don’t your bones hurt? I-I feel like my skull is cracked and it’s like- like… my legs and arms are in angles they shouldn’t be. Don’t you feel it too?” 

“Bora lower your voice, none of this is real. I don’t feel like that. Did you have another nightmare?”

Why didn’t they remember? How could they not remember? Bora felt so overwhelmed and frustrated. Everything hurt, not just mentally but physically too. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up at the ceiling to hold back tears. It didn’t help. Her tears burned her cheek as they kept rolling down uncontrollably. 

“Please remember, Minji...” Bora pleaded hopelessly. 

“It will be okay baby, whatever this is.” Minji opened her arms for Bora, this time allowing her to come first. She couldn't. 

She stormed out the bathroom, finding Siyeon sitting on the bed. When she saw Bora’s red face, she rushed to her girlfriend, her gaze going between Minji to Bora. But Bora stopped her before she could hug her. It would break her. Not yet. She was happy that she joined Siyeon, but she needed answers first.

“You said Gahyeon, where is Gahyeon? How is she here?” Bora questioned. She probably looked like a mad woman.

“She is my sister? She is in Korea.” Siyeon answered as if she wasn’t sure it was the right answer for Bora.

“Sister? She is your sister?” Bora tugged at her hair feeling frustrated. She cried out in pain at the tug of her hair, she felt like she cracked it in two.

If this was heaven it was a fucked up heaven. Siyeon had no siblings. Her family hated her.

“You already knew that...” Siyeon glanced at Minji then back at Bora, “Are you having amnesia or something?” 

“Why don’t you remember?!” 

If anything, they were the ones having amnesia, she remembered everything. She couldn’t even control her tears anymore they just kept coming. But it was more of angry tears. 

Siyeon looked like she was about to cry, so concerned, so helpless. Bora couldn’t allow that. She quickly wiped her tears placing a forced smile on her lips. 

No. 

Siyeon couldn’t cry. She cried enough. No more tears.

“Singnie I’m okay, come here, I promise I’m okay.” Bora made her way to Siyeon and wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her close. “I’m okay please don’t worry. It was just a dream I guess.” Bora lied. She would lie to make her feel better. She could think about this later. Right at this moment all it mattered was Siyeon and her happiness. 

Bora didn’t know where she was, or how they were somehow alive but no matter what, she wouldn’t make her girlfriend upset.

She forced a smile. “You said you made me breakfast? Pancakes?” She cupped her cheeks and kissed her lips. She was real. She was here. Siyeon nodded as she kissed her back.

“Let’s eat then.” 

Both Minji and Siyeon kept glancing at Bora all throughout breakfast which was more like a lunch. Their expressions were worried and Bora could tell they wanted to help but they were useless, they didn’t remember or know anything.

She wondered if Minji could remember Yoohyeon. The love they shared. It was so unproblematic unlike her relationship with Siyeon. But she didn’t ask to avoid more ‘you are crazy’ looks. 

She needed a break from this. She needed to be alone to process what was happening. She needed to think. 

She quickly finished the pancakes Siyeon made and a smile curved in her lips. She remembered how Minji made pancakes every morning just to lure Siyeon out and make her eat because she was starving herself to death.

The smile disappeared as soon as it came. It hurt too much that it was overwhelming Bora.

“I’m going to take a walk, okay?” She said to both of them, and they shook their head immediately. 

“You are not going anywhere with this state, sweetheart.” Siyeon said as a matter of fact. Like she would barricade the door if she had to. This was nothing like the Siyeon she remembered.

“I need to-“ She couldn’t even think of a reason. What was she going to do? She wasn’t in Korea so she could use her university as an excuse, she didn’t know if Handong was here so she could use her to get away. “-find my best friend.”

“I’m your best friend, Bora?” Minji said getting to her feet slowly. They both looked like lost puppies and a chuckle left Bora’s lips. 

“You are Siyeon’s best friend but I like you just as much, Minji.” Bora’s best friend was Handong. Her Dongie. She needed her best friend, she would understand Bora, but where was she? Was she even dead?

She hoped not. 

“Bora, did you have a nightmare?” Minji asked again and turned to Siyeon, “maybe the remnants of the nightmare still haunt her.” 

Siyeon nodded but she looked so deep in thought, wanting to help Bora but she couldn’t, she looked desperate. 

She knew she had to reassure them not to freak them out more. Even if she was going crazy, they were more important. Especially Siyeon. 

“Yeah, it was just a nightmare guys, I’m okay. I just need air.” 

Siyeon still didn’t look convinced though. “Singnie please.” 

“I’ll come with you.” 

“No! I just need to breath!” Bora quickly went to her bedroom and put on some underwear and a short before storming out of the door. She could hear Siyeon’s protests but she didn’t care, Minji was there to stop Siyeon from doing anything, she was in safe hands. She just needed to think and figure out where she was. 

She looked around in the street, thinking where to go then she saw the ocean. She slowly walked towards it. 

Everything looked peaceful. There were people walking around the streets, were they dead too? 

As soon as she inhaled the ocean scent, she remembered the rest.

She remembered her childhood, her new parents. She remembered the nightmares, the love for flying and how she met Minji during skydiving. 

She remembered how they became best friends and graduating as art major. She remembered drawing everything she saw in her nightmares, how she always had this gut feeling to go to Bora Bora. 

She remembered dragging her new best friend here, thinking she’d find the answer. How Minji opened a pastry shop, and Bora art gallery. 

Then she remembered meeting Siyeon again. Falling for her again. How happy, confident, dominant, Siyeon was. How she stayed in this island for Bora. 

She remembered Siyeon’s best friend, Yoohyeon, and her sister, Gahyeon and Gahyeon’s girlfriend Yubin. Her loving parents. She remembered the new dates they shared, the first kiss, the first sex. 

This was a whole new life. 

Everything clicked now. 

Finally, her nightmares made sense, she was seeing bits of her old life.

Bora fell down on her knees, force of sobs taking over her body. It was so overwhelming, remembering everything all at once.

Why were they reborn? Maybe they all got a chance of happiness, Bora with Siyeon, Minji with Yoohyeon, Yubin with Gahyeon. It meant all of them were meant to be together.

Minji, Siyeon, Yoohyeon, Gahyeon, Yubin.

Handong was the missing piece.

Where was her best friend? She needed her best friend. She took a deep breath after her sobs calmed down a tad, her head was throbbing. She grasped the sand beneath her fingers.

It wasn’t that she was sad for remembering, she just didn’t know what to do with the information. She was the only one who remembered. The rest of her friends had no idea. Why?

Siyeon was happy in this life, she got everything she never had. She accomplished her dream, she was a singer now. She had loving parents and a sister.

She laughed at the irony. Gahyeon was like a little sister for Siyeon, she always took care of her despite her mental state in their previous life.

Now she was her real sister. 

What were the odds.

Bora felt joy in her heart. Siyeon found her again. Now she knew why she had this urge to come here, Siyeon was supposed to find her here. 

And she did.

She really was the answer she was looking for.

They were happy and happiness was something they rarely had. 

Whoever was up there, gave them a second chance of happiness and she couldn’t fuck it up. 

It all just made sense. Why Minji and Bora found each other first. Probably because they killed themselves together.

Why Gahyeon was her real sister, she was like a sister in the old life too.

She couldn’t tell Siyeon any of this, she didn’t want her to remember the pain she used to feel. The voices or her death.

And she couldn’t tell Minji because she would think she was crazy. 

Handong would’ve believed her. 

But she had no idea if Handong was reborn like the rest of them, and if she was, she probably wouldn’t remember Bora. It didn’t matter. She would find her and start over. Make her like Bora and befriend her. It wasn’t that hard, Dongie was her person. Just like Minji was Siyeon’s.

She smiled in victory for being Siyeon’s first this time around. Minji didn’t get to her first, Bora did. 

Thank fucking God.

She shook off the sand on her legs and hands. She looked at the horizon with a smile on her lips.

They got a second chance. 

Bora knocked on the door of Siyeon’s apartment, waiting them to open. Which didn’t take long. As soon as she saw Siyeon open the door, she jumped in her arms smiling. Siyeon held her tight, and Bora wrapped her legs and arms around her like a koala. 

Siyeon didn’t say anything just comforted Bora thinking that was all she needed.

God, Bora still couldn’t believe Siyeon was the top of the relationship this time. The control was in her hands and it made Bora so proud. 

You found me.

“I love you so much. I love you.” Bora whispered how much she loved her while Siyeon carried them to the bedroom. 

Siyeon closed the door of the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed with Bora on her lap. Bora stroked her blue hair and chuckled. “It suits you so much.” 

“Thanks?” Siyeon mumbled. It was clear she wanted to ask what happened and the girl she had sex with last night, forgot everything in the morning and acted crazy. She couldn’t imagine how it was for Siyeon.

“Last night was perfect, Siyeon.” Bora leaned down to kiss her warm lips. “You were amazing.” 

“Really?” Siyeon asked, the sadness in her eyes disappearing a little after Bora reassured her. “You didn’t regret it?” 

“I’d never regret anything with you.” Bora promised. “I really had a bad nightmare and it took me a while to realize I was awake.” Bora lied. She had to. She hated lying to her girl but she had to.

“You scared me a lot, Bora.” Siyeon held her tighter and Bora felt a soft pinch on her elbow. Old habits never die, she guessed.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m okay now we’re okay.” Bora was never going to let Siyeon out of her sight. Never. “Did you take a shower? You still smell like me.”

“How could I? My girlfriend literally lost her mind and left.” Siyeon whispered as she gazed down at her lap.

Bora’s heart ached for the millionth time today. “Singnie-“

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

Shit. That was the nickname for the previous life. so was wolfie. Bora had to be careful. “I-I think it suits you.”

“Only Gahyeon calls me that.” 

Gahyeon. How much she missed the youngest of their pack. “I-I think I overheard her say that on the phone, must’ve got stuck in my head.”

“Oh, okay.” Siyeon nodded smiling, buying it thankfully. “Are you really alright? Do you need anything?” 

Lee Siyeon, taking care of Kim Bora. That was a first (well not really but it was hard to forget the old life just like that) and Bora didn’t know what to do with the attention. 

Nevertheless, she enjoyed it. 

“Hold me, please just hold me.” Bora whispered and gently pushed Siyeon back on the bed to snuggle in her chest. Her tiny hands clutching Siyeon’s shirt tightly afraid she would slip away.

“I’m here, sweetheart.” Siyeon said, stroking her hair slowly to comfort her, pressing a soft kiss on her head.

Bora listened to her heartbeat for a moment. She knew this wasn’t a dream and Siyeon was really here but their old life was hard to forget. 

However, as painful as it was, Bora was also grateful. She got to meet Siyeon, the dark mysterious girl who never allowed herself to love, to live. Bora managed to break her walls, she gave her a little will to live for a while. Be the only one she really loved. She brought some light in her life even if it wasn’t for too long. She took care of her in her darkest times, she was there whenever Siyeon needed. She loved her, believed in her when no one else did. She would do it all over again.

Even when she cried herself to sleep all alone because she didn’t want Siyeon to know she was hurting, she didn’t want her to think she was a burden to Bora. She never was. Bora cherished every dark moment, every fight, every date, every kiss. Their love was pure. She wouldn’t change a single thing about Siyeon in the previous life, the only thing she would want to change was how naïve Bora was. 

Love wasn’t the cure to a mental illness. Professional help was the cure. 

How could she let her out of her sight when she knew her mental state? Why didn’t she get bigger help? Old Bora was stupid and naïve.

She wondered what could have been if Bora had the guts to seek for bigger help. Would Siyeon be happy? Would they have lived a better life? There were so many what ifs and maybes. If Bora dwelled on it, she would lose her mind. 

The only thing that mattered was this moment. In Siyeon’s arms. Her home. Her soulmate. Siyeon was here, they found each other, they were destined to be together.

She thanked every God, every Goddess for letting Siyeon have a happy home this time. A happy childhood. Without voices, without pain, without any disorder consuming her life.

Bora stared at her girlfriend lovingly before leaning in to capture her girlfriend’s lips. A single tear traced down her cheek as she remembered kissing her girlfriend’s cold, dead, pale and purple lips at the hospital. Their last kiss.

More tears flowed from her closed eyes, onto Siyeon’s face. “Bora, open your eyes,” Siyeon mumbled with Bora’s lips still on hers. She didn’t move her lips to deepen the kiss, she just enjoyed feeling her alive. “Look at me, please,” Siyeon had to push Bora’s face from hers gently. 

But Bora wanted more. Needed more. 

She wanted to kiss every inch of her alive girlfriend. She wanted to cherish every moment with her because she knew it could be the very last time.

She didn’t answer Siyeon, instead she kissed her way down to Siyeon’s sharp jawline, to her throat, then to her earlobe. She knew it was her weakness, well it was in the old life. 

She heard Siyeon whimper slightly, confirming her thoughts, she sucked behind her ear, nibbled on her earlobe, leaving wet and sloppy kisses all over her neck slowly. 

Mine, mine.

“Bora…” Siyeon tried to push Bora again, she knew she wanted to talk about what happened but Bora couldn’t tell her. wouldn’t tell her. She’d never want her to remember.

“Shh, let me,” Bora pinned her hands above her head and kissed her deeply, desperately, passionately. 

They found each other in another life.

She knew Siyeon could take control in a second, she was stronger than Bora but she let Bora have her moment, stayed put for her. 

They pulled away to pant for air, but Bora didn’t waste any time to move her lips down her neck again. She sucked it, licked it, bit it, marked it, left a whole bunch of bruises on her neck, soothing it with her tongue right after.

Mine. In every life. Mine.

“I love you.” Bora whispered, taking off her shirt quickly. Siyeon wasn’t wearing any bra so she cupped her breasts gently, watching Siyeon bit her lip to stay quiet.

Her little wolfie.

Still as shy as ever.

“I love you so much.” Bora said before sucking her nipple into her mouth, giving it a hard suck and bit it softly, causing Siyeon to moan and shift her body a little. Bora knew she needed more but she was too proud to ask for more.

She remembered their very first sex in the art studio. It wasn’t something Bora had planned but with Siyeon’s sudden mood change, she had to act quick and it was the only thing that popped in her head.

“I love you too, Bora.” Siyeon’s voice snapped her out of her trance. 

She chose me. Again.

She left wet kisses on every inch of her chest, in the old life, there were scars all over her chest. The thought of Siyeon in a bathtub cutting her chest with a razor just to stop the voice in her head, or to stop the pain she felt all the time made her heart break.

A tear dropped on Siyeon’s chest, but she licked it hoping Siyeon wouldn’t understand.

“Bora, you’re crying,” Siyeon cupped her cheeks to stop her from going further, forcing her to look at her. “Talk to me…”

Bora shushed her with a kiss, their lips moving in perfect sync together, like they had done it million times. It wasn’t wrong, they probably did it million times in the past life. 

It was crazy how their bodies responded to each other, how their souls knew one another, how Bora felt a strong pull towards her table, she hovered over her like a creep in both lives. 

What a cute way to introduce yourself, well done,  Bora thought.

She slid her tongue in Siyeon’s mouth, getting a soft whimper from Siyeon as their tongues fought for dominance, Bora won. Old habits. 

Siyeon pulled away to breathe and wiped her tears that couldn’t seem to stop with her thumb. “Baby, why are you crying?”

“I’m just so happy, Siyeon…” because you found me again. “I need you,” don’t leave me again…  “I love you.” She pecked her lips quickly and kneeled at the edge of the bed to take off Siyeon’s sweatpants and underwear easily.

“God Bora, you will be the death of me…” Siyeon murmured hazily but Bora froze at those words. 

No. 

“Promise to live for me,” Bora swallowed the lump in her throat, “Promise me.” 

“I promise.”

This position was so similar. Except this time, Siyeon wasn’t in pain, she didn’t have sudden mood swings, she didn’t have a voice in her head telling her to end her misery. 

She spread her legs wide to take a good look at her inner thighs tracing her finger tips on them slowly. She knew she wouldn’t see scars, her body was smooth and perfect.

Scars on critical veins…

All she could picture was the scars there. But she shook her head to get rid of the image.

She pressed a soft kiss on her left thigh and then sucked it hard to leave a mark, watching her squirm in bed.

“Don’t be a tease now,” Siyeon pleaded (more like demanded) but Bora didn’t listen. She wanted to kiss all of her body.

“You are so beautiful…” Bora muttered before leaving another mark on her other thigh, the scent of Siyeon’s arousal was breathtaking, she inhaled her essence deeply, “you are art.” 

Siyeon flushed head to toe, whining at Bora’s compliments as she tried to close her legs but Bora kept them open. 

My beautiful wolfie… I’m so sorry I failed you…

She loved her, she loved her more than life, and she would keep loving her in every life until death got tired of them. She would find Siyeon wherever she is, she would make her fall all over again, but she belonged to Siyeon in every life.

Unable to control herself anymore, Bora finally ran her tongue from her entrance to her clit before sucking it deep into her mouth, earning a delighted moan from Siyeon.

I won’t fail you ever again, I will never let you go.

Bora closed her eyes and got lost in her girlfriend as she ate her out. Sucking, biting, licking, probing her clit, her ass, her clit again with her tongue. She spread her labia with her fingers to gain better access as she assaulted her clit not very gently as she usually would.

I got you now, my beautiful wolfie.

Siyeon screamed in ecstasy. Bora knew she couldn’t even keep track of her chaotic motions, could only chase after her climax, she knew it was new to Siyeon. 

“No one ever told me I was beautiful.”

Siyeon’s voice echoed in her head and it only made Bora more possessive, angry even that it was the same in this life.

She was waiting for me. She is only my beautiful. In every life.

“A-Ah Bora, that hurts, your nails,” Siyeon said in between her moans, and then Bora noticed she dug her nails deep on her thighs, there was even blood. She withdrew her fingers immediately and licked her blood off of the small cuts she accidently made.

“I’m so sorry,” She kissed them again and Siyeon sighed in anticipation. Bora dived back in her juices, not wasting any of it as she rubbed her clit in circles with her thumb softly, “you are so beautiful, so beautiful…” Bora whispered and without a warning she slid two fingers in her girlfriend, listening her loud moans. 

Siyeon was arching her back, squirming, her eyes were shut tightly as she thrusted her fingers very slow to keep her at the brick of her orgasm, her tongue never stopping for a second.

“You are mine.” Bora mumbled and pushed her fingers knuckles deep, withdrew them only to push them harder and a little faster. Siyeon screamed at the rough treatment she was getting but Bora’s possessiveness got the best of her, she kept thrusting into her mercilessly.

Mine, mine, mine.

Siyeon’s legs began to tremble under her hold, she was panting for air, beautiful screams leaving her lips as she got closer.

She curled her fingers at the right spot she knew it would bring Siyeon to the edge, but before she could reach her climax, she withdrew her fingers again, getting a frustrated sigh at the rejected orgasm. 

Bora fastened her motions again, sucking, licking, biting her clit and as soon as she curled her fingers inside her girlfriend, she screamed with release, her back arching as if she was sitting down, her knuckles turned white from holding the sheets too tight.

I’ll make you happy this time.

Bora slid her fingers out gently and licked her clean, not letting any of her delicious cum go to waste. She felt proud that she was the only girl who could give her intense orgasms. 

“What-“ Siyeon took a deep breath, still trying to recover, “was that all about?” 

Bora got up from her knees and looked at her work. Siyeon was literally covered in bruises. 

Her neck, her shoulders, her chest, her breasts, her belly, her thighs. 

Better than scars.

“I love you.” Bora licked her lips, smiling at her taste, “You have no idea.” Bora leaned down to kiss her lips, letting her taste herself. 

“What got into you? That was incredible.” Siyeon pulled her in her arms, holding her tightly. 

My old personality.

“Are you saying I wasn’t good last night?” Bora pouted but couldn’t stay serious for long as Siyeon took it to heart. 

“No! I didn’t mean it, you were-“

“Babyg- Siyeon, I was kidding.” 

“I love you too. Do you think Minji heard?” Siyeon muttered shyly. 

“I think the whole neighborhood heard you, babe.” Bora chuckled, getting up from the bed to give Siyeon her clothes. “Do you want to take a shower?”

“I will take a shower; you go get rid of Minji I don’t think I can look at her anytime soon.” Siyeon’s whole body turned red. 

Bora laughed watching her disappear into bathroom, closing the door behind herself. If it was the old life Bora would never allow her to go alone but she knew it wouldn’t happen in this life.

She remembered how she begged her to get rid of Minji after their fight and these were her last words to Bora. 

“I don’t want to face Minji. Get her out of here. Please get her out of here.”

Last words.

Bora shook her head and exhaled shakily, it was the past. It had to stay in the past.

She walked in the living room to find Minji with headphones on. She chuckled and sat next to her best friend taking off her headphones.

“Finally.” Minji laughed before her face turned serious. “What happened Bora?”

She wanted to tell Minji but she knew she couldn’t. It was for her to keep. Her own little secret. She was fine with it. 

“It was just a nightmare Minji, it took me a while to realize I was awake, that I was alive. In my dream, all of us killed ourselves. First Siyeon, then us together. It was a nightmare not a dream. But it’s gone now. I’m okay.” She wasn’t lying at least; she just hid some parts of the story.

“Why would we do that?” 

“I don’t know Minji. I guess, the loss of our loved one was something we couldn’t handle. Like I said it was just a nightmare, no big deal.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I know nightmares can be overwhelming.” Minji kissed her on the temple. 

You have no idea, Bora thought.

“I’m okay now. It’s past. We’re alive, yeah?” 

“Yes, we are. I’m glad you’re not scared of your nightmares anymore.”

Bora smiled softly. No, she wasn’t scared anymore. In fact, she was happy. She would spend this new life making her girlfriend happy. She deserved it after a life-long suffering. 

Siyeon walked out of the bedroom but stopped in her tracks as soon as she saw Minji looking at her with a grin. “That was quite a show, thank you for blessing my ears, Siyeon.” Minji winked at her, bursting into laughter as Siyeon blushed deeper shade of red. 

It was unbelievable how Siyeon would control anyone in this life, but she was still a baby when Minji was around. Not even Bora could make her blush like that, or make her shrunk in her spot from embarrassment. She looked a lot like the girl with bipolar from the old life. But not quite.

“I- Uh- I’m- sorry.” Siyeon smiled awkwardly, glaring at Bora as if she was asking why Minji was still here. 

Bora laughed loudly at her stuttering. How the tables have turned. 

“Come here, Sin- Siyeon.” Bora patted the sofa next to her, watching Siyeon obey almost instantly, she literally hid herself from Minji. 

“Thank god I brought headphones.” Minji teased her more with a chuckle. 

“I hate it here,” Siyeon whined. “I want Yoo here too, it’s not fair.”

Yoohyeon!

Minji’s girl. She wondered if Minji could feel like the way she did in old life. But just like Bora, she would. She had to. 

An idea popped in her head. Maybe this way, she could find her Dongie too.

“Let’s go to Korea. All of us.”


	8. Secrets

Siyeon had never felt so desperate nor helpless in her entire life. Seeing Bora like that literally tore her heart apart. She woke up feeling happy only to be crashed in a split second. It was the feeling of the tightening in her chest.

She didn’t know what to do or say when Bora was hallucinating? She didn’t even know what it was. Bora just assumed they were dead. Even said Gahyeon was dead too. 

The desperation and panic in her eyes was so obvious and the fear, the pure terror of them not remembering anything.

What were they supposed to remember?

When Bora was going through whatever it is she was going through, her mind went to her own nightmares. She killed herself in those dreams.

And she overheard Bora, well, it wasn’t eavesdropping, Bora basically screamed. Bora said Siyeon killed herself and after that both Minji and Bora followed her too. 

It made her think if it was possible that maybe those weren’t just dreams. Maybe it was more.

But what could it be? She didn’t have any time to dwell on it when she saw Bora’s swollen eyes, rambling crazy things neither of them understood or when she stormed out. She never felt so powerless. She was so close to following her like a stalker but Minji calmed her down, said Bora had intense nightmares.

Then she came back, looking much better and happier, and the first thing she did was to jump on Siyeon’s bones. Which only confused Siyeon more. 

That was two weeks ago.

The best thing that has happened though, Siyeon wasn’t having any more nightmares. So the thought of her nightmares could be more went out of the window.

Turns out those were just stupid dreams.

But to this day, Bora’s words haunted her.

How are you not dead?

We killed ourselves.

Is this heaven?

Maybe when Bora was ready she could tell them. She didn’t want to push her or overwhelm her. 

Bora was doing okay now. She kept babying Siyeon for some reason, making sure she ate, always cooked delicious meals and didn’t allow Siyeon to leave till she finished everything. Siyeon was sure she gained weight.

Although, Siyeon noticed her personality had changed a little after that incident. At least for few days. She became more protective, possessive, jealous, demanding. She even tried to dominate Siyeon in bed. 

That wasn’t allowed obviously, but A+ for the effort. 

She wanted to meet all of her friends in the club, she wanted her to spend more time with Minji, she came to Siyeon’s performances every night for a week. It was like wherever she went Bora was there. She couldn’t have a single minute to herself. She even wanted to watch Siyeon take a shower once but it ended up with them taking a shower together.

To save the water, of course. 

She wanted to be the one babying her girl, protecting her, not Bora. So she didn’t hesitate to put her back in her place time to time. Obviously just in bed. She didn’t feel suffocated or smothered by Bora. 

She was back to her true self in couple of days, back to her stuttering, baby, bratty self.

She suggested to go to Korea, she wanted to meet her friends and her sister. That also meant their relationship was getting more serious and Siyeon couldn’t be happier about that. 

All she wanted was Bora.

However, going to Korea was not an easy task. She had just started her job as a singer in Hyejin’s club and she couldn’t just ask a week off. Her schedule was busier than ever, she always got home super late, Bora stopped coming after a week. 

Sometimes Bora was waiting her, sometimes she wasn’t, but Siyeon could barely breathe. She couldn’t ask for a vacation; she would get fired. 

Bora kept insisting though. She kept pushing Siyeon to ask for a vacation. She suggested to invite her friends and sister but Bora was persistent to go there. She didn’t want to invite them and no matter how many times Siyeon asked why she wouldn’t tell.

Lately, Siyeon was feeling like Bora was slipping away. Maybe it was because of Siyeon’s hectic schedule, they could barely go on dates or make time for each other but Bora was always on her phone. Always. Every time Siyeon wanted to see what she was doing, she would just close everything and distract Siyeon with kisses. Damn her stupid lips, it always worked.

But Siyeon was fed up with it. After a long night in the club, all she wanted to do was to cuddle or watch a movie but Bora just dismissed her and it wasn’t a onetime thing, that would’ve been fine, it happened so many times over the past weeks it was starting to annoy Siyeon.

What did she do on her phone that was so important? Save the world?

It took everything in her not to go through her phone. It was the most disrespectful thing to do to in a relationship and Siyeon never crossed that line and she never would.

Though, she couldn’t help but think, was she cheating on her? 

What could be more important than her relationship? Family stuff? She could share it with Siyeon and she did whenever her mother annoyed her. 

Whatever the reason, Bora would never cheat on her.

Right?

“Hey Hyejin?” Siyeon knocked before she went inside her office. Her performance had just ended around three am and she was drained but she figured she had to ask or Bora was going to bite her head off soon. 

“Yes Siyeon?” Hyejin looked up from her stack of papers. Damn it didn’t look like a good time but she delayed Bora enough. She seriously didn’t have enough energy for her brat attitude.

“Can we talk for a second please?” Siyeon asked.

“What’s the matter?” 

Siyeon sat on the chair in front of the table with a sigh. Should she lie and say it’s a family emergency or just be honest? 

Well she never liked lying.

“I was going to ask if it was possible to ask for a week off? I need to go to Korea.” Siyeon muttered. 

She was going to kill Bora if she got fired. 

“So soon Siyeon?” Hyejin frowned. Okay this was exactly what she feared. 

Siyeon bit inside her cheek and prayed to every God and Goddess not to get fired. 

“You are an essential to my club Siyeon and you just started your job, it hasn’t even been a month.” 

“I know I’m sorry,” Siyeon mumbled. She was too tired for this. 

Hyejin sighed. “You know we have a cruise ship in the island.”

“I know.” Siyeon sunk into her seat. She hated feeling small or asking for permission to do anything. 

Cruise ships were the life of the island and they kept coming, keeping this small forgotten island alive. She nodded her head. She understood perfectly.

“So unless it’s really an emergency, I can’t just give you a week.” Hyejin got back to her paper, silently telling her get the fuck out.

“Okay, boss.” Siyeon left the office. The thought of another ship made her want to hide. The tourists were so annoying sometimes. 

If she got fired from the job she took for Bora, because of Bora herself, she was going to kill her. For sure. 

She took a cab home. All through the ride, she thought what she should say to Bora. She didn’t want to upset her girlfriend but Hyejin was right, she literally just started her job it wasn’t a big surprise that her boss didn’t allow her to go. But knowing Bora, she was going to nag all night long if Siyeon didn’t give her an answer soon.

What a brat. 

She stayed here just for Bora, in a goddamn island and now Bora wanted to go back.

Her eyes and head were throbbing because of the restlessness; she couldn’t sleep properly these nights. All she could think about was who Bora was talking 24/7 and why she didn’t trust Siyeon enough to share. And the stress Bora was giving with the constant nagging about going to Korea. What was so important in Korea? 

She didn’t want to think she would cheat. She wouldn’t.

She unlocked the door and opened it as quietly as possible. She hoped Bora was sleeping. She took off her jacket and her shoes before stepping in and closed the door behind her. 

She made her way to the bedroom only to see Bora on her fucking phone again, smiling to whatever she was doing but she turned it off as soon as she saw Siyeon.

“Hey, I didn’t hear you come in.” Bora smiled.

Siyeon threw herself to the bed flat on her stomach. Fucking phones. Why were they invented?

“I waited for you.” Yeah, right.

“Sure.” Siyeon’s voice were muffled because of the pillow so Bora probably didn’t hear. 

“Change your clothes babe or take a shower.” Bora pressed a kiss on her head.

Siyeon rolled off the bed, she wasn’t the one to throw a tantrum but she was so fed up with it. She took off her clothes and went to the bathroom. She could see Bora smiling at her phone again from the bathroom so she slammed the door shut.

Maybe too hard.

She didn’t care. 

She got in the shower and let the hot water relax her body, wash the stress away. She was about to fall asleep right here, and would it be too bad if she did. She really didn’t want to see Bora. 

Fucking phones.

She walked back into their bedroom with a towel around her body, her pajamas were on the bed and she didn’t remember taking them out so she guessed it was Bora.

How fucking nice.

She dried her body, she could feel Bora’s intense gaze on her body but the last thing she wanted to do was to have sex.

“You are so sexy; did you know that?” 

“So I’ve been told.” Siyeon mumbled as she put on her pajamas. She got under covers and turned her back to Bora, reaching out to turn off the light. “Good night Bora.” 

Bora spooned her from behind, snuggling her body closer to Siyeon. 

Now she dropped her phone? Please. 

“Long day at work?” Bora whispered at the back of her neck and it sent shivers down her spine. She nodded.

Bora swept her hair a little and kissed her shoulder. “Bora, I’m tired.” 

“I just want to kiss my girl good night but she turned her ass on me.” She pressed another kiss at the back of her neck, making Siyeon shiver once more. She hated how her body always responded to Bora. Especially now.

“Now you remember having a girlfriend.” She said sarcastically.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Bora turned her around to look her in the eyes but Siyeon wasn’t having it. 

She just wanted to sleep. 

“Nothing, I just want to sleep. Can I fucking sleep Bora?” Siyeon glared at her girlfriend.

“But I want to know if I did something wrong.” 

Siyeon rolled over once more turning her back to Bora. “Why don’t you talk to your friend on your fucking phone.”

Or girlfriend. Side hoe. Whatever.

“What?” 

“If you don’t let me sleep I’ll start a fucking riot Bora.” 

Bora remained silent. Good. Finally, she could sleep and forget the jealousy she felt all the time. 

But of course being the little brat she is, Bora didn’t let it go. 

The lights were on and it hurt Siyeon’s eyes, so she pulled the blanket over her face. Was it too late to kick Bora out?

“Talk to me Singnie, what’s going on? I don’t like when you go to sleep mad.” Bora whispered. 

Siyeon got used to being called Singnie by Bora, it hurt her ego a little bit but she got over it since calling her that made Bora happy.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” It felt stupid to be jealous about someone or something or whatever it was on the phone and she didn’t want to talk about her fear of getting fired because of Bora. 

“Are you scared?” Bora said wryly. She knew damn well how to get on her nerves. “Oh wait, are you jealous?” 

Siyeon ignored it. She clenched her jaw. She hated when Bora made her feel small. 

“Can’t believe the great Lee Siyeon is jealous of a phone.” Bora poked her back. 

Okay. 

Siyeon’s eyes darkened as she pushed the blanket from her body and in one small motion she was on top of Bora, her hand wrapped around her neck, squeezing it just enough to shut her up. She glared at her girlfriend and Bora looked shocked, but her shock was replaced with a smug grin as if she wanted her to lose it while Siyeon choked her not too tight but enough. 

Siyeon leaned in her ear to whisper, “Don’t test me, sweetheart.” She squeezed it a little tighter, knowing Bora liked it rough, getting a gasp in return. “I’m not jealous but if you ever cheat-“ 

“I-I would never c-cheat on you.” Bora whispered breathlessly because of the tight hold on her neck.

“If you’d never cheat then enlighten me, love. Who is it?” Siyeon loosed the hold so Bora could speak freely. 

Bora took a deep breath and shook her head no. 

Feeling her sadistic side grow, she tightened the hold on her throat once again, if Siyeon had to get it out then she would. 

She pressed her thigh hard on her girlfriend’s center, getting a shaky gasp from Bora. “You try to be demanding and dominant but you’re just a little mess underneath me aren’t you?” She pressed her thigh harder and apparently it was enough to get Bora all worked up because a beautiful moan was heard as she started grinding on her thigh. 

“For a whole week, you didn’t leave my ass.” Siyeon held her jaw and turned her head roughly to look at her. “I thought, okay maybe you needed that after whatever you went through.” Siyeon traced her free hand along Bora’s arm with her nails, slightly at first then a little harder, not enough to break the skin but enough for it to hurt. “But after a week, I was suddenly not as important as before.” 

This time, her sharp nails pierced her skin, small amount of blood peeking out of the cuts, causing Bora to hiss at the stinging pain on her arm. 

“I- It’s n-not true, please just t-trust me,” Bora whispered as best as she could with a tight hold on her neck. It wasn’t like she couldn’t breathe, Siyeon made sure of that.

Normally Siyeon would’ve trusted her but Bora had been nothing but secretive over the past week, it was enough. She needed to know. 

“Trust you?” Siyeon dragged her nails further down on her arm, the mix of pain and pleasure had Bora grinding faster on her thigh, Siyeon noticed. “Then tell me Bora.”

When Bora shook her head no, Siyeon growled and took her girlfriend’s bottom lip between her teeth and bit it harshly to draw blood there too. Bora grunted loudly as Siyeon licked the blood off her lip, soothing it with her thumb before pushing it into her mouth. Her mouth was welcoming and warm and she smirked when Bora started to suck, her hips grinding even faster now. Her breathing got uneven. “You were being so bold, babying me and shit. What happened now?” 

Bora looked at her pleadingly, begging for Siyeon to let it go but Siyeon tried to let go, it was Bora’s fault for pushing her nerves till she exploded.

She replaced the thumb with index and middle finger, sliding it in her mouth till it reached back of her throat, causing her to gag slightly. “Tell me Bora.” No response. Deeper. Bora gagged once more, her eyes watering. It shouldn’t feel good to see Bora in pain but because of her Siyeon felt nothing but pain lately. She needed punishment. 

Siyeon took her now wet fingers from her mouth and without a warning she slid her hand inside the fabric of her pajamas and panties, meeting her wet folds. “How pathetic.” She pushed two of her fingers knuckles deep, making Bora moan loudly. “You still can’t tell me?” Another finger. She didn’t give any attention to her clit, knowing damn well she needed it the most. 

When Bora shook her head, Siyeon thrusted her fingers as fast as she could, swallowing Bora’s scream with a kiss. Bora’s nails dug deep in her shoulder but she welcomed the pain. 

“S-Siyeon!” Bora begged, Siyeon knew she was asking for attention on her clit but her intention wasn’t to make her cum. 

The younger girl lowered her head to lay her tongue flat on the fresh cut she made on Bora’s arm, dragging it all the way up with a satisfied hum. She knew saliva would be the salt. Her fingers stopped deep inside her girlfriend, without moving an inch. She just watched Bora squirm and try to push herself back and forth on her frozen fingers with a devilish grin. 

“What a mess.” She curled her fingers and twisted her hand, Bora shuddered, her legs buckled.

“T-trust m-me. P-please…” Bora gripped on Siyeon’s hand that was still resting on her neck. 

Siyeon’s rhythm with her fingers was constant. Unrelenting. “I tried, sweetheart.” Bora’s thighs started to tremble. “You want to come don’t you?” Bora nodded eagerly, loud moans leaving her beautiful lips. 

“Well, you would have if you were honest.” She withdrew her fingers, Bora whined loudly at the loss of them and Siyeon licked her juices from her fingers one by one glaring at Bora. 

“If you can’t tell me, then don’t promise me you won’t cheat.” Siyeon laid next to her girlfriend, pulling the blanket on her body as Bora tried to comprehend what just happened, her orgasm completely ruined. “Don’t even think about touching yourself.”

“B-but Siyeon I was so close.” Bora whimpered closing her thighs, “Why don’t you just trust me?” 

“Why don’t you just tell me? I see how you smile at your phone all the time, you don’t even pay attention to me anymore. Your phone is more important nowadays.” Siyeon knew she was being childish but she didn’t care. Bora averted her gaze from Siyeon. “Just what I thought.” Siyeon turned off the light again. “Don’t wake me up, now. I’m tired.” 

Siyeon knew Bora wouldn’t dare to get herself off especially with Siyeon by her side. She would have to sleep with her ruined orgasm. 

How lovely. 

The next morning, a message woke Siyeon up from her dreamless sleep. She groaned, it was too early for this. Her eyes felt heavy but she forced them open, figuring it could be from her sister or something important. 

She glanced at Bora who was sleeping peacefully, Bora stopped having nightmares weeks ago just like Siyeon.

She grabbed the phone on the night stand and viewed the text message without much thought. 

Can’t wait to see you darling.

With a heart emoji. 

This wasn’t Siyeon’s phone. This was Bora’s phone. 

Her hands started to shake as she stared at the message. Her heart rate speeding up the more she stared, the angrier she felt and she was about to strangle Bora in her sleep. 

She didn’t want to jump into conclusions without asking her girlfriend but the way Bora was always on her phone, the way her phone made her happier than Siyeon, the way she wouldn’t tell who it was, it all made sense.

She really was cheating.

Now she understood why Bora insisted on going to Korea. She was going to see this bitch. 

Siyeon abruptly got to her feet, not caring if she woke her up in the meanwhile. She had no idea how to approach Bora about this.

Should she just confront?

Her boss didn’t give her a week off so she couldn’t go to Korea anyway, should she just suggest Bora to go alone, knowing it would mean the end of their relationship? The bond she felt was apparently was one sided thing.

Siyeon moved all the way across the world for Bora only to get cheated on. 

She should’ve listened to Yoohyeon.

Siyeon made herself a cup of coffee, trying to calm down enough so she could think clearly and wouldn’t lash out on Bora. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Bora again, even if Bora didn’t love her.

Bora didn’t love her. 

The cup she was holding started to shake in her hands, threatening to spill everywhere. She put it down on the counter and took a deep breath. But her heart was about to explode inside her ribcage. 

What was the insane bond she felt then? It meant nothing to Bora? All the ‘I love you’s were lies? Siyeon left everything behind for Bora. She left her sister, her best friend for her. This was the thanks she got.

Yoohyeon told her it was moving too fast, Siyeon ignored her thinking she was just jealous or bitter but she was right. 

She wanted to cry as rage filled her belly. She felt her ears getting hot. She felt like her world just fell apart. She couldn’t breathe. 

The door of their bedroom opened. Bora was awake. 

“You’re up early baby.” Bora kissed her cheek before pouring herself a cup of water. 

Siyeon wanted to wipe her cheek. She wanted to shout and yell and kick Bora out. But the words didn’t leave her mouth. 

She took her cup and sat on the chair, taking a sip from her coffee which was cold now. Nothing seemed to go right today.

When she saw Bora texting with that annoying, stupid smile on her face, she lost it.

“Are you fucking serious?” Siyeon couldn’t believe her eyes, she made it obvious last night that this mysterious person on the phone was annoying her but Bora was acting like nothing happened while she texted her darling.

Bora sighed. “God, Siyeon isn’t it enough that you left me dripping last night? Can’t I have friends?” 

“You deserve more than that.” Siyeon crossed her legs. “You forced me to introduce all of my work friends to you. I only know Minji as your friend and I know for a fact that is not Minji.”

“Singnie, it’s just an old friend that’s all.” Bora cupped her cheeks and smiled softly that it warmed Siyeon’s heart.

For a second. 

“Is that so?” Siyeon moved her head away from the touch. “So tell me the real reason you want to go to Korea.”

“To meet your family and friends of course.” Bora took a seat next to Siyeon, placing her hand on top of hers.

Bullshit. This was full of lies. With arms folded tightly across her chest she tapped her foot furiously. Bora was lying right in her face. 

“No one else you want to see?” Siyeon mumbled, giving her one more chance to come clean. 

Bora cleared her throat, “Of cource not.” But the guilt in her voice gave her away. Siyeon scoffed, she couldn’t even look at her properly.

“Do you love me?” Siyeon’s voice cracked and she hated herself for that.

“I love you more than anything else in the world, Singnie.” 

Lies. 

Her love was a fucking lie.

“Hyejin didn’t give me a week off.” Siyeon took another sip from her cold coffee, watching Bora panic. 

“What? B-but we have to go!” 

“So you can see your  darling?” her mouth formed a rigid grimace. She wondered how Bora was going to lie her way out of it.

Bora’s mouth was frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise realizing what Siyeon meant. “You went through my phone?” 

Siyeon couldn’t stop the laughter that came. She caught Bora cheating and all she cared about was this. “No. I opened it because I thought it’s mine.” Siyeon got up and tossed the cup into the sink watching it shatter to pieces. 

“Siyeon, she is no one. Stop worrying.” Bora grabbed her face in her hands as she looked at her with so much love and adoration. 

She was a good actress. 

“Don’t touch me.” Siyeon staggered backwards. “What a beautiful liar you are, darling.” She said wryly. “I left my sister, my family, my best friend, my whole life behind for you!” Siyeon couldn’t suppress her anger anymore. “That’s your way of thanking me?” 

“Siyeon if you-“

“What? Respect your privacy? For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been nothing but respectful for you even when you were spending all of your time in your fucking phone!” Siyeon reached out to Bora’s back pocket to get her phone, she unlocked it and despite Bora’s protests she opened the messages with this mysterious woman. She read it out loud. 

“Can’t wait to see you darling.“ Siyeon stopped Bora that was desperately trying to get her phone back. “When are you going to tell your girlfriend about me?” She clenched her jaw to the point of her teeth were hurting. “As soon as she gets a break we will come, I really want to see you, I miss you.”

Siyeon couldn’t read more of it. She read enough and she was done. 

“Siyeon it’s not what you think I swear!” Bora begged, her lips trembling. Her eyes glimmered with watery tears and she looked as if her whole world was about to crumble “P-please I love you,you, she is no one! I’m not cheating on you!”

Siyeon gave her the phone back. “Go to Korea.” Siyeon grabbed her jacket as she walked to the door, sadness flowed through her veins and it was deadening her mind. She just needed to be alone. 

Slow desolate tears ran from Bora’s eyes and dripped steadily into her shirt, she was begging her to listen but Siyeon saw enough. “Wolfie please just listen to me! I love you!”

“I’m not wolfie!” Siyeon yelled but bit her lip to stop any more yelling. She still didn’t want to hurt Bora no matter what. “I don’t want to see you when I come back.” Siyeon muttered, Bora clung to her arm trying to prevent her from leaving but she shrugged it off.

“Don’t walk away, Siyeon just hear me out! I’m begging you don’t leave me p-please…” Bora cried out. 

“Leave my apartment, Bora.” 

And she left.


	9. Forgiveness

Everything was falling apart.

Remembering the previous life was supposed to be a blessing.

A chance to make everything right. 

A chance to be happy with her soulmate.

But it wasn’t going according to plan.

After a while, she accepted the fact this Siyeon was nothing like her Singnie. She was okay with it, got used to it. She couldn’t shake off her old personality for a while, the urge to take care of Siyeon was strong but Siyeon didn’t need it in this life. She took care of herself just fine. She was happy. 

Although, Siyeon still had the temper but at least now it wasn’t attacks, or harming herself in attempt to calm down. It was just normal temper. She was a human being after all.

The only thing that shocked Bora was Siyeon was a bit sadistic. They didn’t have a conversation about it but Bora could tell after last night. Universe was playing the uno card on them, Siyeon didn’t love receiving pain, she loved inflicting it.

Better than harming herself. 

Bora wasn’t scared to leave her alone anymore, she never skipped her meals, she was social, people liked her and she liked people. She made sure of that.

Bora didn’t mean to ignore Siyeon, nor wanted to slip away as Siyeon would say. She just wanted to find her best friend. No, she needed to find her Dongie. 

She spent all of her night and day searching for her. There were too many Han Dong in the internet, she had to look every one of them.

She didn’t even know if Dongie was here, reborn like the rest of them but she had to be. They were all meant to be together. 

That was why all of them were reborn. Right?

When she finally found her life-long friend Bora couldn’t be happier. She messaged her and they started talking all day and Bora sometimes had to stay awake because of the time zones but it worked out in her favor since Siyeon always got home late. 

Her excuse was ready; she always said she waited for her.

It was working for a while though. Siyeon bought it, was happy about it. 

Bora kept begging to Siyeon to go back to Korea, even for few days. She needed to be in Dongie’s arms, apologize for leaving her behind. She wanted to make everything right. The guilt was too much to handle.

She knew she was being a brat and nagged too much to Siyeon. But she couldn’t find within herself to care. They had to go.

Bora had to restrain herself not to spill everything and beg Handong to remember but she couldn’t. Who would believe her?

Of course Siyeon wasn’t happy about it. She started acting out, getting annoyed whenever a message popped up in Bora’s phone. She stayed at the club more, even on her free days. 

When Siyeon asked who it was, her brain malfunctioned. Bora couldn’t come up with a good excuse when she asked. What was she supposed to say? My childhood best friend from our old life who doesn’t remember me but we are friends again?

Siyeon would put her in a mental hospital.

Something she should’ve done in their old life but she wasn’t going to go there. It hurt too much to think how stupid she was.

She could’ve said it was just a childhood friend, and no one important but she waited too long. She got too lost in her own little bubble. 

She should’ve been half-honest from the start.

Then the worse thing happened to Bora. 

Siyeon thought she was cheating. 

That was the last thing she would do. She would never look at anyone else other than Siyeon, she belonged to Siyeon. Her heart and soul was hers.

In every life.

If people could hear the sound of a heart breaking to pieces like glass, she would have. 

When Siyeon told her to get out of her apartment, the only thing that kept her sane was Dongie. 

Bora remembered how Siyeon started to slip away from her in the previous life, how helpless Bora was during those times. 

She was losing Siyeon all over again, this time it wasn’t death or a mental illness that took Siyeon away, it was Bora’s stupidity.

Bora was exhausted. The fact she was the only one remembering everything meant she had no one to talk to. She had to hold it inside and pray to God she wouldn’t fall apart.

But eventually, she fell apart.

She wished, just for once she wasn’t hurting in both of her lives. She was hurting in the previous because of Siyeon’s condition, again, she had to hold her agony inside which ended up with a suicide. 

Now, it was the same all over again.

When was her time to be happy? The weight of it all was overwhelming, it was breaking her little by little. 

Maybe Dongie could piece her back together.

She just needed her rock and get that guilt off of her chest.

She needed her person.

She unlocked the door of her own apartment and found Minji eating alone in the kitchen. She didn’t bother saying hello, she went to her bedroom and grabbed her bag to fill the necessary things she needed. 

“Bora? Why are you here? I thought you’d be with Siyeon.” Minji followed her to the bedroom. 

Siyeon thinks I’m cheating and I need my best friend before I lose my mind.

She couldn’t say it out loud. “I-I have to go.” She sniffled. Minji rushed to her side and turned her face to look closely. Her eyes were blood shot and Minji wasn’t stupid, she figured out she had been crying. Her face turned cold in split second.

“Did Siyeon hurt you?” Minji asked, ready to kill her. It was weird to see, Minji would kill for Siyeon not Siyeon herself. Minji grabbed her arm to take a look at the scratch. “What happened to your arm? Did she do it?”

Bora shook her head and got back to her packing. “It’s fine, she is just kinky.”

“Bora tell me what happened.” Minji demanded.

“I need to go to Korea.” Bora ran to the bathroom to grab her toothbrush and ran back to put it in her bag. “S-she is there.” 

“Who is there?” 

“Dongie.” Bora finished packing and changed her clothes to pants and shirt as quickly as possible. 

“Who is Dongie, Bora?”

“A friend. I just need to go. I have to go to Korea.” She grabbed her bag and walked out of her bedroom only to be stopped by Minji.

“You can’t just take off; it takes days to go Bora. Please calm down and tell me what happened?” 

“Minji, please tell Siyeon I’m sorry and that I’ll come back I’ll always come back to her.” She tiptoed to kiss Minji’s cheek. “I love you.” 

Before Minji could stop her again, she walked out the door. 

She was going to make everything right at home but first things first, she needed to see her best friend.

Siyeon came home to find an empty apartment. 

After a long walk by the beach, her anger was long gone but now all she felt was the heartbreak and betrayal. It was still surreal that Bora was cheating on her. 

She had no reason to stay here anymore. But part of her still hoped that they could work it out. It was pathetic to forgive someone who cheated but Siyeon couldn’t imagine her life without Bora. She’d rather die.

She realized how much she fucked up last night. She knew she hurt Bora but she wasn’t thinking straight. It was no excuse, she had to warn her girlfriend about her weird interests. But it was too late. It got out of hand. 

It just escalated too quickly. She didn’t want her to go, she just needed to cool off to talk it out calmly but she couldn’t stop the words coming out of her mouth, it was basically her anger talking.

She hated lying and she hated being lied to. If she wasn’t happy with Siyeon she should’ve told her and Siyeon would’ve left. She didn’t need to get a side hoe behind her back, it was unnecessary. 

All she had to do was to say she wasn’t happy with Siyeon. She loved her too much that if Bora was happy with someone else, she would let her go. No matter how much it hurt. 

Deep down, she was hoping Bora would be waiting here, to explain after Siyeon calmed down, assure her that she loved Siyeon but she was gone. 

Her home didn’t feel like a home anymore. Her home was Bora and without Bora, there was no home.

There was a knock on the door. She really wished it to be Bora.

She looked through the peek hole, it was Minji. A disappointed sigh left her lips and as soon as she opened the door she was met with Minji’s stern gaze. 

“What did you fucking do to Bora?” Minji said through her clenched teeth.

It took a solid second to comprehend what she meant, she didn’t do anything, she was the one hurt. Did Bora fail to mention that?

“She is the one who cheated. Not me.” 

Minji’s face softened as she stepped inside her apartment. “Bora would never cheat on you.” 

Siyeon scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Well she did.” 

Unbelievable, Bora made her the bad one. She turned around to walk back into the living room followed by Minji.

“I’m worried about her, Si. She hasn’t been herself for weeks and today she came home crying, packed her shit and left to Korea.” 

She really went to see that bitch. She left Siyeon for that girl. Siyeon told her to go but she didn’t actually think she would. Rage creeped up on her veins once again, clouding her mind. God, she would kill to punch something right at the moment.

She really didn’t love Siyeon.

“She will probably see her darling,” Siyeon’s hands were shaking from anger. She rubbed her temples in attempt to calm down. It hurt too much. It even hurt to breathe. But it was easier to focus on the anger.

Minji smiled softly, “Siyeon, I don’t think she cheated on you.”

“You didn’t see the texts; you didn’t see how she had been neglecting me just to talk to her!” Siyeon raised her voice but Minji wasn’t bothered by it. Normally people would’ve flinched or step back but Minji remained in her spot. “Loving someone so much and having them cheat on you, it rips your heart out, Minji.”

“I know, Siyeon. Why don’t you take a deep breath and sit down?” Minji said calmly and pointed the sofa with her chin.

Silence.

“Come here, Siyeon.” Minji sat down on the couch pulling Siyeon next to her. Siyeon’s head fell to her shoulder, she immediately felt at ease again, her rage slowly fading away. If Minji was here, it would be okay. Minji would find a way. 

Minji continued, “I don’t know what you’ve seen, I can’t speak on her behalf. I can’t justify her texts, or behavior. But what I can tell you is that how much Bora is in love with you. I know for a fact she wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“Bullshit.” Siyeon said flatly.

“Si, we don’t know the whole story.”

Her evidence was solid but her partially functioning brain knew Minji could be right. Maybe there was more to the story. “I love her Minji… but I can’t-“ Siyeon’s lips were trembling, there was a big lump in her throat that she couldn’t swallow. “forgive her yet...”

“Then do me a favor?” Minji asked. 

Siyeon started pinching the back of her hand. “What?”

“Please come with me to Korea. If she doesn’t listen to me, she will listen to you. I’m scared she will do something crazy. You didn’t see how she left.” 

Despite her anger, Siyeon would burn the world down if something happened to Bora. “But my boss said-“

“Tell her your mom is dying I don’t know.” 

Siyeon nodded, it was a good excuse. Family emergency always worked. Plus, Hyejin said ‘unless it’s an emergency.’ 

It was a lie emergency but her boss didn’t need to know that.

“Siyeon, did you hurt her? Physically.” 

More silence.

She never meant to hurt Bora. She hated herself for letting her animalistic side get out of control. Her heart rate was speeding up; she didn’t want to disappoint Minji but most importantly she didn’t want to have her ass beaten up by the protective best friend.

“Answer me, Siyeon.”

Siyeon sank in her seat, if only she could get smaller. She was too afraid to look her in the eyes and see disappointment. “I’m sorry, Minji, I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry,” Siyeon whispered, steeling herself for Minji’s wrath. 

Minji’s silent treatment was making Siyeon anxious. 

“Siyeon, if that happens again-“

“It won’t. I promise. It won’t.” Siyeon said in a flash.

“Good. Now talk to your boss. We have to go.”

Lying about the family emergency was easier than she thought. Hyejin didn’t even let her finish her sentence when she started with ‘My mom is in a hospital’ , she just told her to go and be with her mom with no hard feelings.

Siyeon still wasn’t ready to see Bora, so Minji promised to find her first. Siyeon wasn’t quite sure what to do when they meet again. Should she introduce Bora as her girlfriend to her friends? Should she allow her to meet her family? She didn’t know if they were still dating but she secretly hoped they were. 

As pathetic as it sounded.

Travelling from Bora Bora to Korea was a torture. They had to take a lot of planes and it took them more than a day. 

The things she did for Bora.

Siyeon offered Minji to stay in Gahyeon’s apartment she shared with her girlfriend Yubin but Minji figured it would be awkward when Bora came and crowded and she also had a home here. Made sense.

Siyeon was dragging her feet to her old apartment, she couldn’t sleep while travelling so she just wanted to sleep with her sister. God, she missed her sister.

She knocked on the door few times. 

When she saw her little sister, all of her troubles and worries disappeared. She dropped her bag on the floor and pulled Gahyeon in her embrace. “I missed you.” Siyeon whispered. 

“I missed you too, unnie.” Gahyeon hugged her tighter. They stayed frozen like that, just enjoying to be in each other’s arms again after so long. They had never stayed apart more than a week.

Until someone cleared their throat dramatically at the back. 

Siyeon saw Yoohyeon smiling happily behind Gahyeon, just waiting her turn to hug her best friend.

“Yoo!” Siyeon exclaimed, rushing to her best friend. She threw herself in her arms causing them to fall hard on the ground but they didn’t mind as they laughed, hugging each other as tightly as humanly possible. 

“I missed you more than anything else!” Siyeon said smiling like an idiot.

“Well, thanks Yubin and I will just go then.” Gahyeon said teasingly. She grabbed Siyeon’s bag to put inside the house and closed the door. 

Siyeon stood up from the floor, helping her best friend to get up as well before hugging Yubin tightly. "I missed you guys, so much."

"We missed you too," Yubin said with a smile. 

After the ugly ‘I miss you’ hugs and cries, Siyeon filled them in about everything. 

“I told you.” Yoohyeon said. “You guys were moving too fast.” 

“I didn’t want to say it but yeah unnie.” Gahyeon only fueled Yoohyeon.

“You know what, there are plenty of fishes out there.” Yoohyeon said encouragingly. 

Siyeon chuckled. There was only one fish for her. It was Bora. Only Bora. “I love my fish.”

“Will we meet her?” Yoohyeon questioned. 

Siyeon had no idea. She didn’t even know if Minji found Bora let alone introduce them to her friends. That was a problem for another day. First they needed to make sure Bora was okay.

“I don’t know.” Siyeon whispered. She laid her head on Gahyeon’s lap, her legs on Yoohyeon. “Be my therapist.” 

Gahyeon stroked her faded blue hair, “I know how hard it is to forgive someone who betrayed your trust. But from what you said, you didn’t listen to her side of the story. You just acted on some texts you’ve seen. It really could be just a friend.” 

Yoohyeon was still anti Bora but her best friend’s happiness was more important. “I agree, maybe listen to Bora first?”

They had a point. Just like Minji said to her. It could all been just a misunderstanding too. Siyeon wished she would’ve just listened to Bora.

“But I gave her so many chances guys, I asked her to tell me every day. She didn’t.” 

“She could have a reason for it too. Ever asked yourself that?” Yubin asked.

She shook her head. No she didn’t. She just jumped into conclusions. But to be fair, Siyeon had her reasons too. 

“Just hear her out, unnie.” Gahyeon leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Her phone started to ring. “Yoo, could you be a dear and give me my phone?” 

“Do I look like a slave?” Yoohyeon stayed unbothered. 

“It’s right next to you.” Siyeon poked her with her feet, poked all of Yoohyeon’s body till she gave in, laughing at her silliness.

It was Minji. Her heart rate picked up thinking something happened to Bora. She answered, “Hello?”

“She is fine, I found her. Do you want to meet?”

She was still upset but she missed her so much. She wanted to listen to her side of the story too and apologize.

“I’ll send you the address.”

Bora was more than happy to be in Korea for the first time in forever. 

She thought about calling Siyeon many times but it was possible that she hated her for now.

She thought about introducing Dongie to Siyeon but that would be absurd considering Handong and her were just online friends and Bora told her she was in the country for business and they decided to meet. She couldn’t just say ‘Hey please tell my girlfriend I’m not cheating on her with you’

Although the thought crossed her mind so many times. 

She couldn’t stand the idea of Siyeon all alone in Bora Bora, feeling betrayed when Bora didn’t mean to make her feel that way. 

She had to make her see she didn’t cheat on her.

One thing at a time.

All of her thoughts went down the drain when Handong stepped in the café shop.

She was still so beautiful. She had blonde hair this time, not orange. But she was still sticking out in the crowd.

She still walked like she owned the place, so elegantly, so powerful, captivating as ever.

Bora swallowed a lump in her throat. 

She couldn’t forgive herself for leaving Handong all alone in her past life, without a letter, without a goodbye. At least Siyeon was decent enough to leave a letter. Bora didn’t even consider that, she just left. The grief blinded her. 

But she was going to make it right. Even if she couldn’t tell her the whole story. 

Handong was a teacher in the university, an art teacher to be precise. It warmed her heart that she was teaching in the same university they all went to in the old life. It shocked Bora that it was still standing. 

She had a happy childhood, her family was staying in China but Dongie said she travels there occasionally to see them.

She traveled all over the world, never staying in one place for too long until she settled in Korea to become a teacher.

It was such a relief that Handong was happy. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how she must’ve felt after Bora left. Well. She could. She felt it when her girl died. But she wasn’t going to think that now. 

“Bora?” She heard Handong looking at her with a big smile of hers. That was the same too.

“Dongie.” Bora stood up from her chair and wrapped her arms around Dongie’s neck, burying her head on the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. 

She remembered how she used to cry in those strong arms after her girlfriend’s death. 

No sad thoughts allowed Kim Bora, she thought to herself. She finally reunited with her best friend. 

“I was so surprised when you said you’re in the country, I’m glad we got to meet in person.” Handong said while taking a seat next to her.

“Here for business,” Bora laughed nervously, “Me too, you are even more beautiful in person.” Bora complimented, watching Dongie’s face turn red. 

“So are you. How was your trip?” 

Long, tiring, spent all the time crying, my life is falling apart and I’m so sorry for leaving you, Bora wanted to say.

“It was good.” Was what she really said.

“You look upset?” Dongie reached out to touch Bora’s hand to comfort her. 

My girlfriend thinks I’m cheating on her with you.

“Girlfriend trouble.” Bora shrugged. All Bora wanted to do was to cry in her arms again, tell her how sorry she was, that she was her person, she needed her so much. 

But how could she? They were just online friends.

“I told you to tell her about me, it’s never good to keep a secret from your partner.” Dongie smiled softly. “I’m guessing, you waited too long to explain.” 

Bora nodded, “Don’t worry about me. Tell me about you, how are you?” 

It wasn’t awkward between them, never was, even when Bora messaged her on social media and the conversations never died out.

“I’m okay, Bora. I think we’ve covered getting to know each other on the phone.” Handong chuckled, “Is there anything I can do to fix the mess you caused?”

“That hurt, thank you.” Bora said with a smile, she was still savage and straightforward.

Like old times.

“So, why do you live in Bora Bora?” Handong asked after ordering coffee for herself. 

Siyeon said in her suicide letter that she wanted me to go there, but I killed myself before I could. Then I was reincarnated and I always had a gut feeling to go so my girlfriend could find me there.

“Uh, it’s the name that charmed me I guess.” Bora smiled, her eyes never leaving her best friend as if she wanted to memorize her. 

“Interesting choice to live in an island. A tropical island. I could never.”

“I know you don’t like summer much.” Bora muttered.

Handong’s eyes widen in shock, “How would you know that?”

Fuck.

“I took a guess. Was I right?”

“Right on point.” Handong smiled heartily. “Hey, don’t stress so much about your girlfriend, tell me if you want me to talk to her or something, I can.”

“No really, I will fix it. I just wanted to see you first. Dongie I-“ Bora paused. She didn’t care if she looked crazy, she needed to get it out. “Don’t ask me why, you remind me of an old friend that I had to leave. I never got the chance to say I’m sorry to her so I’m going to say it to you pretending you are her.” She was her but again, she didn’t need to know that. “I’m so sorry.” 

Dongie smiled wholeheartedly. “She forgives you then.” 

“She does?” 

“Well, I would. If she is anything like me as you say, she would too. You are forgiven.” Dongie squeezed her hand. “I’m sure you had a reason to leave your friend.”

“I had a girlfriend… she- uh she killed herself and I- I had to move and leave everything behind.” Bora looked down at her lap, even talking about it hurt her soul and heart. 

“I’m so sorry Bora. I really am.” Handong stood up from her chair and made her way towards Bora’s to give her a tight hug. 

Bora fought back her tears the best she could, “Thank you. I know she’s happy now.”

“I’m sure your friend would understand why you had to leave.” Handong smiled and sat back on her chair. 

“I hope so too…”

She felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. Dongie forgave her. Not the same person she left behind but it still counted. She was forgiven.

They spent the rest of the day talking about everything. They already started getting to know each other over the phone but it was so different in person.

Her Dongie was the same.

She was still strong, caring, savage, funny. 

Nothing changed much. She felt so relieved about it but even if Dongie was a murderer, Bora would’ve loved and accepted her. she’d even help her bury bodies if she was honest with herself.

Their conversation got interrupted with a phone call from Minji. 

“Yes?” Bora answered.

“Where are you?” 

“Korea.”

“So am I. With Siyeon.” 

Her heart stopped at the mention of Siyeon. Siyeon was here? She came for Bora even after everything that went down? That meant she was willing to listen to Bora and maybe forgive her.

“Let me come get you so we can meet her. Please?”

“I’ll send you the location.” 

Minji arrived not long after 15 minutes. She was sending Handong death glares, but Handong looked clueless, she just smiled at the girl who just arrived.

“So that’s the Dongie.” Minji mumbled. 

“Minji, this is my friend I met online. A friend.” She turned to Dongie, “And this is my best friend, Minji.” 

This felt weird.

They shook hands, but Minji had a confused expression. “A friend?”

“Of course! Bora found me online, we started chatting and when she was in town, we wanted to meet.” Handong explained. “For the record, I do have a girlfriend.”

“You do?” Both Minji and Bora asked at the same time.

“Yes. Did I fail to mention that?” Handong chuckled. 

Minji’s eyes widened at the realization, Bora was just surprised. She couldn’t tell if Dongie said it to save her ass or she really had one. Good for her though. She felt proud. 

“Well. I wish Siyeon came instead of me. We should go Bora.” 

“Dongie, before I go back, can we meet again?” 

“We will meet again.” Handong promised.

Bora was too nervous to see Siyeon. She hoped her anger calmed a bit at least so she could have a chance to explain herself. She looked out of the window. They were in a cab on their way to meet Siyeon.  
  
“Siyeon really believes you are cheating you know.” Minji said.  
  
“I know I fucked up.”  
  
“So the first thing you do is to run back to Korea?”  
  
“I needed this, Minji.”  
  
“You have lots of explaining to do to her. You could’ve just told her from the start.”  
  
“I know fuck I know.” 

“Minji wait, don’t knock I’m not ready.” Bora muttered, her palms were sweaty, her breathing uneven. “What am I supposed to say?” 

“Start with I’m sorry maybe?” Minji knocked on the door.

Bora did not expect Yoohyeon to answer the door. She looked so beautiful, Bora wanted to jump in her arms and tell her how much she missed her. But they didn’t know each other in this life so she had to play it cool.

It wasn’t necessary because Bora was literally forgotten. Minji and Yoohyeon were staring each other with goofy smiles on their faces. Bora chuckled at the sight. Minji was about to drool. That was bound to happen though, just like how it happened with Bora and Siyeon. She cleared her throat to snap them out of their dream world.

“Oh! I’m Yoohyeon please come in.” She stepped aside to let them in. Bora didn’t hesitate to walk in but Minji remained in her spot with Yoohyeon. They had a lot to catch up on, so Bora left them alone to find her girlfriend.

Siyeon was already watching her from the sofa, with Gahyeon and Yubin by her side. There was no hint of anger in her eyes anymore, she was just sad.

“Hi, I’m Gahyeon.” She smiled, giving Bora a quick hug but Bora didn’t let her pull away that quickly, she hugged her tighter. She was still shy and cute just like old times. The youngest of their pack.

I’m so sorry Gahyeonnie.

“I’m Bora.” She kissed Gahyeon’s head before letting her go. 

“I’m Yubin, Gahyeon’s girlfriend.” Yubin smiled and Bora was quick to jump in her arms. She didn’t care if it was weird for them, she just missed them. She never thought she would ever see them again.

I’m so sorry…

She tried to remember the last time they were all in a room together, was it when Siyeon was starving herself? She couldn’t even remember the last time. 

The only missing piece was Dongie. She needed to include her to the pack soon.

Bora was already tearing up at the reunion, but when she locked eyes with Siyeon, the water gates opened before she could stop it.

“Siyeon… Can we talk in privacy?” Bora pleaded. She wanted to make it right and be in her arms again. 

“Yeah.” Siyeon got up from the sofa and showed the way to her bedroom. Bora closed the door behind them and urged Siyeon to sit on the bed with her.

“Bora, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I really am so sorry.” Siyeon whispered but she wasn’t looking at her eyes, she was pinching the back of her hand, her gaze on her lap. “It will never happen again…”

Bora knew she only did it when she was nervous; she knew Siyeon didn’t mean to hurt her. 

She smiled softly, “I know baby. I forgive you. Listen, I remembered Handong, someone from my past that I had forgotten and I had to find her. So I spent all of my time searching for her. It was selfish and so wrong of me to neglect you but all I wanted was to find my ex best friend.” Bora reached out to cup her cheek softly, “I should’ve been honest with you and I’m so sorry that I wasn’t. I was just too happy that I found my best friend from-“ Bora paused to think, “from my childhood, that I forgot anything else. I can’t justify those texts but I didn’t have any bad intention. She means a lot to me Singnie. Just like Minji. Oh and for the record she has a girlfriend that is not me.” 

Why didn’t she do this sooner? All of this worthless drama could’ve been avoided. She got so caught up in her own world, she had forgotten about her girlfriend’s feelings. 

Siyeon finally looked at her eyes, her eyes shining with tears, with regret, with heartbreak, with desperation. “Really?” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t explain this sooner. I should’ve stayed and explain everything after you calmed down. I just- I needed my best friend, Singnie...”

“You love me?” Siyeon murmured as if she couldn’t believe it was real. 

Bora had promised to always make her happy after remembering the old life but after finding Handong she forgot that promise. She would never do that mistake again.

“I love you more than anything in this world. I love you so much. I’ll always love you.” Bora assured her. No matter how controlling Siyeon was, she was just as insecure as before.

“I’m so sorry, Bora,” Siyeon pulled her in her embrace as tightly as she could. Bora wrapped her arms around Siyeon’s waist, her head on the younger girl’s chest. 

She got her best friend back, she got her girl back, all of them were together at last. 

Her lips trembled as tears traced down her cheek from happiness this time but she wasn’t the only crybaby in the room, she could feel wet tears drip on her head.

“I love you Bora. I felt like I couldn’t breathe without you… I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened to you, I shouldn’t have left. I won’t do it again. I love you.” Siyeon muttered softly. “I’ll never hurt you again. I’d rather die than to hurt you.”

No.

“Promise to live for me, Singnie. Live for me till the end of our days. Then promise to find me again.”

“I promise. I promise with all my heart.” Siyeon leaned back to wipe Bora’s cheeks with her thumb, pressing her lips on hers softly. 

Siyeon stood up from the bed smiling, she grabbed Bora’s hand to guide them back in the living room. "I think you should meet my family properly."

“Guys,” Siyeon said to get everyone’s attention. “This is my love, my air, my girlfriend Bora.”


	10. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW / mention of suicide - self harm.

“Bora?” Siyeon placed a soft kiss on her sleeping girlfriend’s forehead to wake her up, “Baby,” another kiss on her nose, “sunshine,” on her cheek, “beautiful.”

She kept kissing all of her face until she heard Bora chuckle with her eyes still closed. Siyeon smiled and kissed her lips before burying her face on the crook of her neck. 

How much she missed this.

After Bora explained everything, Siyeon realized how badly she overreacted. It was just a misunderstanding that could’ve been avoided if they communicated better.

She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“Good morning, Singnie.” Bora murmured in her deep sleepy voice that sent shivers down the younger girl’s spine. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” 

After playing around in bed for a while, Siyeon knew she had to talk to Bora about her interests. Not that she’d ever lose control like that again but her girlfriend needed to know at least.

“I have to tell you something,” Siyeon said weakly.

“Okay, I’m all ears.”

How was she supposed to explain?

“I- uh okay so here is the thing. I have a little bit of temper,”

“No way I didn’t notice.” Bora chuckled, it made Siyeon to hide under a blanket and never come out. 

“And I like to, I like to- I like to inflict pain, but not much just- uh enough for it to be pleasurable,” 

Bora opened her mouth to say something but Siyeon continued before she could get a chance to speak, “What I did, was nowhere near pleasurable. I couldn’t control my anger and jealousy. I- it’s not excuse but I just wanted you to know.”

Siyeon quickly added, “I’ll work on it. I’ll be better I promise I will never ever hurt you in any way.”

“Do you like to receive pain?” Bora asked hesitantly.

“No, I suppose I don’t.”

“That’s a relief and it could be satisfying without, you know, jealousy.”

“No. It won’t happen again. I won’t hurt you. I’m so sorry Bora…”

“It’s okay, I should’ve been honest too. We make mistakes, Siyeon. The important thing is we learn from it.”

“Good to know, first thing you do after a fight is to fly to another country.” Siyeon rolled her eyes, “Another. Country. Without a single word.”

“Yes, okay, I fucked up there. I’m sorry. I just needed it. How did you even manage to get a break?” 

“I used family emergency excuse. I didn’t completely lie; it was a family emergency.” Siyeon shrugged and kissed Bora’s lips. “I’m sorry,”

“Stop saying sorry Singnie, let’s leave it behind.”

“Okay, sorry,”

“God,” Bora rolled her eyes playfully and laughed. “No more.”

Last night, they all bonded together with alcohol and delicious meal Bora made. They all got to know each other better. Yoohyeon, being the protective best friend, basically interrogated Bora with different questions but Bora didn’t seem to mind it as she answered all of them with ease.

All of them stayed in the apartment, Siyeon and Bora stayed in her bedroom. Gahyeon and Yubin in hers. The rest probably shared the couch.

Yoohyeon and Minji in the same couch… She could literally picture how much Yoohyeon blushed.

After a pleasant breakfast with her friends, they were now watching a movie in the living room. Bora in her arms, Yoohyeon and Minji sitting closely, flirting here and there. Yubin had Gahyeon in her arms.

The room smelled love at this point.

“Can Handong come and meet all of you?”

Siyeon’s body tensed at the same, even if it was a misunderstanding she was the cause of this stupid fight and Siyeon really didn’t like the idea of meeting her but from what Bora said, she was really important to her. If it was important to Bora, it was important to Siyeon. 

“Sure baby.” 

Bora’s eyes beamed with joy and she took out her phone to let her friend know the location. Happiness looked good on her, Siyeon intended to keep her happy.

“You will like her I promise.” 

Siyeon hummed in response. She wasn’t looking forward to it but she could endure it for Bora.

“Who will she like?” Gahyeon jumped in the conversation. 

“Handong.” Bora giggled making Siyeon roll her eyes. Maybe it was too soon, the wound was still open and Handong would be the salt on top. But she’d do anything to make her happy.

“Oh?” Gahyeon questioned as if she didn’t believe it. “She is coming?” 

“I want all of you to meet her. She was-“ Bora coughed, “I know you will all click right away.” 

A loud laughter from Yoohyeon got their attention, Siyeon and Gahyeon laughed but Siyeon noticed Bora was smiling at them like a mother would smile at their children. 

“Get a room you two.” Yubin said, a smile played on her lips.

“Let them be, they should be together.” Bora’s eyes watered at the sight. “I mean they deserve to be happy.” 

Siyeon wanted to hook them up back in Bora Bora actually it was nice to see them get along. She had never seen Yoohyeon this happy.

When the door rang, her heart skipped a beat. She could do this; she could meet the person that gave them hell. It was important to Bora.

“Please be nice, Singnie.” Bora muttered before getting up to open the door. They all got to their feet to greet the guest of honor. 

A woman incredibly beautiful walked in. Siyeon had to swallow the jealousy, because this woman, Handong, was much more beautiful than she could ever be. 

“Guys, this is my friend, Handong that is just a friend.” Bora introduced looking straight in Siyeon’s eyes but Siyeon was still staring at the beautiful girl. 

“Hello.” Handong smiled friendly, her voice was as elegant as her looks. 

“Hello, Yoohyeon. Thank you for inviting me. I brought another friend I hope it's okay.”

A voice echoed in her head. The sight of Handong coming to a table where she sat with Minji and Yoohyeon flashed through her eyes. 

She shook her head to get rid of the image. 

“Hello, I’m Minji, this is Siyeon.”

“Hi.”

“I’m Handong.” 

“I’m Bora, sorry to crash your lunch unannounced”

“Siyeon? Siyeon!” Bora’s voice snapped her out of the images. Everyone in the room was looking at her, waiting for her to speak.

“Unnie?” She heard Gahyeon’s concerned voice with Yubin by her side.

“Excuse me, hey Yoohyeon?” 

“Yubin! Hey, come sit with us.” Yoohyeon stood up from her seat to hug her friend.

“Oh, okay. Thanks. This is Gahyeon. We just met actually.” Yubin reciprocated her hug and sat down next to Yoohyeon.

“Hey.” Gahyeon said shyly, girls almost didn’t hear her. “Nice to meet you.”

“Should we get her water?” Minji was waving her hand in front of Siyeon’s eyes. Siyeon stared at Minji with wide eyes. 

Another image popped in her head. A young Minji, saving herself from bunch of bullies that were calling a young Siyeon different names. Minji scolded them and they sat near a tree, Siyeon felt protected in her arms. Her MinJiu.

“Minji?” 

Her eyes roamed around the room, all six of them were looking at Siyeon. 

She remembered feeling overwhelmed when they were all sitting in the lunch table in school cafeteria. They were all getting to know each other, Minji and Yoohyeon flirting, Bora trying to get Siyeon to notice her and talk to her. Gahyeon, Yubin and Handong talking together.

The more they laughed, the angrier Siyeon felt and she stormed out, on her way out a man tried to bully her but Minji stepped in. 

Siyeon felt the anger, she felt the self-loath, the desperation to be alone, the need to inflict pain to calm down. 

She tried to snap herself out of the images she kept seeing. It didn’t work. She was running away, until she found a spot she could be alone. She punched the tree. Over and over again. The voices in her head, she could hear them all over again. Laughing at her. Bullying her. 

“Stop...” Siyeon whispered to the voices. They wouldn’t stop. She saw Bora stopping her from breaking a bone, trapping her with her body. Whispering a song to calm her down while rocking her.

Back and forth.

The voices stopped. Her anger was still there, but at least she felt safe. 

She couldn’t breathe, she was desperately gasping for air. The pain was raging in her body and soul, she felt as if her veins turned to ash. She felt the cuts on her wrists, on her thighs, on her chest, even on her arms. She saw herself in the bathtub with a razor leaving small but deep cuts on her body to stop the pain for a while.

Pain calmed her down. It stopped the voices.

An agonizing scream left her lips, falling down on her knees. It hurt too much, she felt like everyone in the room had a knife and they were all leaving small cuts here and there. For every person, there was another cut in her damaged mind and body. She felt like dying, without actually dying.

She heard some voices talking to her, but it was muffled, blurry she couldn’t figure out what they were saying. 

She remembered how her parents used to hate her, her mother left her, her father disowned her. Minji took care of her all of her life. The emptiness she felt after they left was filled with Minji. 

“Make it stop,” Siyeon whispered to anyone who could hear her, she tried to hold on to whatever she could, a hand reached out but before she could grasp it, another images flashed through her eyes. 

Bora dragging her to see the painting she made in her faculty, the lone wolf painting. 

“You remind me of a lone wolf.”

Minji, wrapping her bloody knuckles in bandages. It hurt, her knuckles felt like they were breaking. She looked at her shaking hands, all she could see was bloody knuckles. 

“Give us some privacy!” She heard a panicked yell. 

“MinJiu,” Siyeon whispered, remembering how she woke her childhood friend up, eager to see her crush in the university. 

“It will be okay, wolfie, I’m here.” Siyeon felt a soothing hand on her back. 

She remembered all of the dates, all of the efforts Bora put in to get her to open up to her, the little gifts they gave each other, Bora’s confession, the first date, the first kiss, the first sex, all the happy times.

But it wasn’t much. 

She remembered how the voices in her head got louder by each day, how worthless, how pathetic, how empty, how scared she felt. Every laughter, every human contact, every crowded places dreading her mind. 

The laughter.

“Stop laughing!” Siyeon begged and covered her ears. She was weeping, her tears couldn’t seem to stop, loud sobs tearing from her throat. She tugged at her hair hoping the pain would somehow calm her down. 

She remembered the starvation, the desperation, the hope of every day could be her last, every breath she took, she ached it to be the last. The alcohol she consumed just to stop the voices in her head or sleeping almost all day and night to escape reality, the pain. 

“No, your mother left you. And your father hates you. I am all you fucking got!”

She remembered Minji snapping at her and how she trashed everything in her room out of anger, then when the anger left, there was only pain. 

Siyeon cried out, holding her chest. Her entire body was trembling. The sobs weren’t as loud anymore, it was silent. She was gasping for air in between her sobs. 

‘Why don’t you end it? End this Siyeon.’

‘She deserves better than a miserable girl like you.’

She remembered how Bora took care of her, made her feel safe for a while until she knew what she had to do to make it stop, that was when she felt some sort of relief.

She remembered punching the mirror, watching it shatter to pieces. She used one of the pieces to cut from her wrists almost to her elbow. 

Another agonizing scream was heard but it was louder, more excruciating, and she crouched in pain, feeling the cut vividly all over again. She grabbed her wrist with shaky hands to stop the invisible blood, but to Siyeon, the blood was flowing from the injury really fast. 

She wasn’t scared though, she loved the pain, the voice was praising her telling her how proud it was that she finally had the guts. She would get rid of it soon. 

She welcomed the darkness that came. The nothingness. There was no pain, no voice, no anger. She felt nothing as darkness consumed her knowing she didn’t have to live like this anymore, she was finally free. 

She felt her death. 

When she opened her eyes, she could finally fill her lungs with air. She noticed six pairs of eyes were watching her, some of them had tears, some of them were just shocked. 

She was supposed to be dead.

She could still feel the stinging pain on her wrist, she could see the blood flowing out of the freshly cut injury. It wasn’t enough. She wasn’t dead. 

She crawled backwards, startled by the people all around her. “Get away from me!”

“Wolfie-“ 

“I’m supposed to be dead! I-I killed myself!” A sob escaped her dry throat, she looked at her wrist, it was cut open. She loved the pain of it but it wasn’t enough. “Too much b-blood…but I’m not dead. Why am I not dead?!” Siyeon tried to move away from the blood but it was everywhere, on her clothes, on her wrists, on her hands. She couldn’t escape from it. Panicked, she crawled back till her back hit the wall. 

“Siyeon you are okay. You are safe.” Bora kneeled in front of her, afraid to get too close and spook her. “You’re alive.”

“No!” Siyeon pulled her knees to her chest, she tried to cover her ear to stop the noise, but the blood got on her face, no matter how many times she tried to wipe it off, it was everywhere. “I did everything right!” She cried out, looking at her shaky hands. “N-no. I died! I felt it! I died!!” She yelled. “Look at my wrist!”

“I'll explain everything, sweetheart. Come with me please wolfie.” Bora extended her hand out to Siyeon but Siyeon didn’t grab it, she didn’t even listen. All she could hear was the voices in her head.

The cut wasn’t too fatal nor too deep, she could try again. She could succeed this time. She got to her feet and pushed Bora out of her way. She needed to end the pain. She had to succeed. It was the only way. Her friends weren’t supposed to be here to see this but she was desperate. 

“Siyeon what’s going on?!” Minji tried to stop her by holding her wrist but it was like a salt on a freshly cut wound, she yelped in pain slapping her hands away. 

She hated Minji. The last time they spoke her words only encouraged her more. “Fuck you!” 

She looked at all the rooms to find the kitchen, wherever this was, it wasn’t her home. How did she get here? “Where is k-kitchen?” She muttered. 

“Siyeon.” Bora’s cold voice stopped her from going further, Bora rarely used this tone and when she did Siyeon feared it. 

“I-I want to die…” Siyeon whispered. The sight of her girlfriend made her weak, realize how selfish she was to leave her behind but the voice told her to do it. constantly. It was the only way.

“I know, sweetheart but you have to come with me now.” Bora gently held her hands to drag her into a bedroom.

Siyeon didn’t move a muscle.

She needed something sharp. She needed it now.

“What the hell is going on…”

“Should we call ambulance?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Bora seems to know what she is doing, let’s give them space.”

Siyeon could hear the whispers all around the room but her gaze was on the kitchen door. It was close, if she could run and grab…

“Siyeon, no.” Bora gripped on her jaw to turn it back to her, “Don’t even think about it. Come with me.”

“I-I need water, you go first.” Siyeon mumbled, her grip was bruising, strong.

“Yoohyeon, get her water. Let’s go to the bedroom. Now.” Bora demanded. Siyeon knew she had to obey but the urge was too strong. She could end everything within minutes if she was fast enough. 

“Let me go!” Siyeon tried to break free from the hold on her jaw but Bora was stronger, or she was too weak. “You’re hurting me…”

“Unnie-“

Bora cut Gahyeon’s sentence raising her hand, “Singnie. I need you to listen to me. I know what you’re thinking and I’m not going to let you do it.”

Siyeon knew she wouldn’t. that’s why she blocked the door to stop anyone from coming in. There were 6 of them and if Bora wasn’t fast enough she knew Minji would stop her.

But again, she was desperate. 

Her jaw was hurting because of Bora’s tight grip, her tears flowing uncontrollably. She tried pleading. “It hurts…you are hurting me…” She moved her head away and finally Bora did let her go. 

She used this opportunity to run to the kitchen but before she could spot a sharp object she was tackled by Bora, her wrists pinned above her head by Bora on her lap. “Calm down!” 

“You weren’t supposed to save me!” Siyeon struggled against the hold, she tried to push with all of her strength, she used her legs to push her off her body but no dice. She was too weak.

“I didn’t! I couldn’t! If you just come with me and sleep, you will know what I mean!” Bora yelled back, her grip tightening. “Minji sit on her legs.” 

Siyeon felt a weight on her legs to stop her struggling. She was confused with Bora’s words. What did she mean by she couldn’t? She was very much alive and she was tired of it. 

“I’m tired… I’m so tired Bora let me die!” She started crying hysterically, the screaming sobs only interrupted by the need to draw breath.

“It’s okay, it’s okay sweetheart, I’m here.” Bora had to yell in order to be heard because of Siyeon’s screams, Bora’s nails dug deep into her skin and Siyeon winced in pain but somehow it helped.

“I can’t take it anymore…”

“I know, I know baby.” 

After what felt like years, she lost the fight against Bora, she grew tired. Her cries, her screams died out. 

“Please come with me, now? I’ll sing you a song sweetheart, don’t you want me to sing?”

She did. She loved her voice, it always calmed her stormy mind. “Trust me?”

“Yes, babygirl. I’ll sing you trust me.”

Bora let go of her wrists as Minji stood up from her legs. They both helped Siyeon to get up, watching her closely in case she freaked again. But she didn’t. She just wanted to hear her girlfriend sing one last time.

“B-but, blood…” 

“I don’t mind the blood. Let’s go baby, come on.” Bora dragged her to the bedroom she wasn’t familiar with. 

Bora laid down on the bed and pulled her closer. Siyeon curled up in her arms, breathing in her beautiful scent. She immediately felt protected, safe. Like the voices wouldn’t harm her here. She felt Bora’s hand in her hair, stroking, scratching her scalp. “You are okay, sweetheart.”

“I-I’m sorry,” 

“It’s okay, baby. It’ll all be over once you wake up. Go to sleep.”

“Sing to me, Bora…”

“far away over there, slowly, I hear and feel the rain, close your eyes and tell me, it’s okay it’s okay like this so trust me…”

Bora held Siyeon as she slept peacefully in her arms. She never wanted her to remember any of her old life. Bora could handle it, but Siyeon’s life was different. As soon as it was over Siyeon was back to her old personality, the voice came back temporarily so did the pain. 

It took time to remember the new life they had, at least in Bora’s case so she wasn’t surprised when Siyeon freaked out. Bora thought it was heaven because she knew Siyeon was already dead, she knew she was too.

Siyeon, on the other hand didn’t know that. She thought the cut wasn’t fatal enough to kill her. 

When she thought she couldn’t kill herself, she just went for it again. She was that desperate to be free from it. She even hallucinated the blood. The cut. 

Bora’s old personality were controlling, she had control over Siyeon so she had to use it. Going back to those days even for few minutes, it broke Bora all over again. 

It also took a couple of days to adjust to new personality, the new life, she hoped it wouldn’t overwhelm Siyeon the next few days.

However, a selfish part of her was relieved. Now she could have someone to talk to, she didn’t have to suffer alone with the information. She still couldn't figure out why it was just them who remembered and why.

The way she remembered was a little better than Siyeon though. It all came back in her dream; she didn’t have to go through everything her girlfriend went through. 

Bora guessed her trigger was ‘little bird’ and Siyeon’s memories got triggered with Handong. When all seven of them were in the same room. All the people that cared about Siyeon. She figured it was normal. Siyeon had no one else other than those six people.

Bora was too helpless when it was happening. She tried to kick everyone out but they were also worried for their friend who just collapsed on the floor screaming and crying, saying she wanted to die. The happy girl wanted to die all of a sudden. Gahyeon was petrified. 

She couldn’t explain anything that was happening, she couldn’t think of a lie because her girlfriend literally tried to kill herself again as she was back to her old life. 

There was nothing Bora could do. All she could do was to be there, prevent her from dying again and wait for it to be over. Every scream cut right through her heart. If she knew this would happen, she would have never suggested to meet Handong. Bora never wanted her to remember.

But it was too late now.

She hoped she would remember the rest in her dream so she wouldn’t have to suffer wide awake. She thought of what to tell the others, she couldn’t use ‘nightmare’ excuse because, well, it wasn’t. 

It was a problem for later.

The rest came back as soon as she fell asleep in her lover’s arms.

She remembered her happy childhood, spending the summers in camps. Her parents that loved Siyeon and her little sister Gahyeon too much. How she met her best friend Yoohyeon in camps.

She remembered studying music, then doing covers on youtube, how Yongsun found her and hired her for her club Somnia.

She remembered Yongsun sent her to Bora Bora, where she met the love of her life. Staying there just for her, her best friend Minji. 

She remembered falling for Bora all over again, their first date, the first time she sang for her, the first kiss, the first sex.

Then she remembered Bora hallucinating after their first time together.

How are you not dead?

We killed ourselves.

Is this heaven?

We jumped off a rooftop after Siyeon killed herself because we couldn’t live without her.

She remembered their first big fight, how she lost control and hurt Bora, then Bora left to go to Korea, how Minji convinced her to follow Bora. 

She saw Handong, then she remembered everything.

This was a whole new life without misery. 

Without any pain, without a desire to die, without darkness, without any disorder. 

With a loving family, with a happy childhood, with the same people from the old life, with so much joy.

How was this even possible?

Finally, her nightmares made sense, it was all bits of her old life. 

Bora’s paintings… She had nightmares of their life too. She knew when Bora was ‘hallucinating’ she was just living in the old life. She knew Bora remembered everything. She had no one to talk to, no one would believe her, she had to live with this burden. She couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Bora.

But why?

Siyeon accomplished her dream from the old life, in the new one. She had her friend who felt like a sister, as a real sister. She had Minji’s girlfriend as her best friend, and her childhood friend as Bora’s best friend. She had the love of her life from the old life, the one she had to leave behind.

She found her again.

Why was she reborn?

If this was for a second chance of happiness, they shouldn’t have remembered because it was too much to handle.

She didn’t deserve a new life.

She didn’t deserve Bora.

She didn’t deserve her friends.

She didn’t deserve to live, especially for being the reason two people killed themselves because of her.

She wanted to make the best out of this life, she wanted to hug Bora and Minji and apologize for making their lives a living hell, she was supposed to be happy they got a second chance.

But she didn’t deserve it.

“Wolfie?” She heard Bora’s warm voice but she didn’t want to open her eyes and face her. 

How could she? She left her all alone, she was the reason Bora killed herself. She wasn't worth it.

Everything would’ve been better if she was strong enough not to let her in. Not to fall for her, not let her fall either. Bora would’ve stayed alive and live a better life.

Her tears started flowing down her cheeks uncontrollably and Bora hugged her tighter, pulled her impossibly closer to her body. 

She loved her scent, it always gave her a sense of calm, it felt like home.

Why did Bora found her in this life too? She deserved someone better.

“I’m here, sweetheart, you’re okay, it’s okay. We’ll get through it. Together. I’m here.” Bora continued to assure her, ramble sweet words to Siyeon. 

But she couldn’t seem to stop sobbing in her arms, her body constantly shaking with silent sobs. 

She could still hear the voice she used to hear in the old life, how she should kill herself, how she was pathetic and no one loved her.

“I can hear it again, Bora,” Siyeon whispered between her sobs, clutching onto her girlfriend’s shirt tighter. 

“It’ll pass in few days, I promise. Please don’t listen to it again, it will pass,” Bora whispered back, stroking her hair slowly. “Do you know where you are?”

Bora was subtly asking if her memories came back, but Siyeon didn’t want to remember anything. “I- I remember it all.”

Bora let out a relieved sigh and placed her chin on top of her head as she scratched her scalp with her fingertips, mumbling sweet words to her.

It was just like the old life. It was unbearable. Again.

She was the very reason why Bora didn’t get to graduate, why she failed her classes, why she didn’t get to open her art gallery, why she had to suffer while dating her, why she killed herself.

She was the very reason why Minji didn’t get to live a normal life, why she wasted all of her youth taking care of Siyeon, why she didn’t get to be with the girl she truly loved, and again why she killed herself.

Siyeon didn’t deserve to live another day for making them go through all of this.

Whoever was up there fucked up big time. There were plenty of other people who should’ve been reborn instead of her.

“Siyeon? Bora? Can we talk?” She didn’t even hear the door open but she knew it was Minji. 

“You want someone to pull you up but you run away from everyone else that tries to save you. Aren’t you tired of drowning Siyeon?”

“N-no no please no,” Siyeon whispered against Bora’s chest, it was even lower than a whisper, if Bora wasn’t this close she wouldn’t have heard it.

“Not now, Minji.” 

“Gahyeon won’t stop crying, Bora. She needs to know if her sister is okay,” 

Another sense of guilt washed over her. Last night when she thought it was still the old life, and she couldn’t succeed, she tried to kill herself again, in front of her little sister, all of her friends. 

A muffled sob left her lips, her tears staining Bora’s shirt but she didn’t seem to care as she tightened her hug protectively.

She didn’t have the heart to face any of them. Not yet.

“I’ll come in a bit. Please get everyone out of the apartment, Minji.” Bora said and she heard the door close.

Bora started humming the first song she ever sang to her in their old life. It calmed her mind, her voice always had this effect on Siyeon. 

After crying on her shirt for what felt like hours, she just wanted to wash off the invisible blood on her wrists.

She remembered how much she loved leaving cuts on her body, small when the pain wasn’t severe, deep when it was intolerable.

Her entire body was covered in scars. 

Unlike this new one. Smooth, without any scar.

“I-I want to take a s-shower,” Siyeon mumbled before shifting her body to get up. She felt like she had blood on her body.

Truth be told, she had blood on her hands. Two lovely people, full of life, killed themselves because of the pain she left behind. She was basically a murderer, wasn’t she?

But Bora didn’t loosen her hold. “No.” 

“Please… I- I feel like I have blood on me.” 

“I’ll take a shower with you too then.” 

Bora had every right not to send her in the bathroom alone, that was where she died after all. “I need to be alone, please…” 

Bora sighed, “You won’t lock the door, alright? I’ll check up on you every few minutes.”

Siyeon nodded and finally looked up at her breathtakingly stunning girlfriend. What did she do to deserve such a beauty? In and out. 

Bora was too good for her. 

She leaned in to press her lips against Bora’s, she didn’t deepen it, she just enjoyed feeling it again. She stood up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom.

“You know what leave the door open, Singnie, please.” 

Siyeon walked in the bathroom and left the door open like her girlfriend asked. The last thing she wanted to do was to worry her again.

She glanced at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were swollen and blood shot. She looked terrible. 

She recalled how she punched the mirror to shatter it so she could use it to kill herself. She was hesitant at first, she didn’t want Bora to find her but the voice wouldn’t stop. It was the only way to get rid of it, to get rid of the pain, the miserable life she had.

She swallowed hard, and took off her clothes one by one until she was standing in front of the mirror naked. 

She ran her fingers on her wrists, it was weird not to feel scars there. Her fingers traced up to her arm. No scars. To her chest. No scars. To her thighs. No scars. 

She stepped in the bathtub and sat inside it with her knees pulled up on her chest, as she hugged her knees. But she didn’t turn on the water, actually she didn’t think of turning it on. Her gaze was on the bathroom floor.

Where Bora probably found her. Dead.

How did she feel? 

How did it go down?

She pressed her forehead on her knees and started crying again, she couldn’t stop the tears even if she wanted to. The more she thought about it, the more she cried.

She remembered how peaceful it was to just wait till darkness came. The praises from the voice. 

‘You are not enough. They will be better off without you, Siyeon. Look at the pain you cause them. End this.’

“Stop…” Siyeon whispered as she covered her ears. She knew there was no voice in her head anymore, but it was so hard to forget, to let go of the past. 

How could she?

Her body started trembling because of the cold but she didn’t care. She deserved it.

She stared at the razor blade sitting on the shelf. 

‘Put yourself out of your misery.’

She reached up to take it in her hands, after few tries she managed to take off the razor from it. She swirled it in her fingers.

This small thing could end a life.

Just like that.

But.

Would she be reborn again?


	11. Feelings

“What the hell happened?”

That was the question Bora heard from all of them.

One by one.

What the hell happened.

What could she possibly say? She just recalled the darkest times of her old life. 

Meaning, all of it.

“What happened to my sister?” Gahyeon asked, ready to barge in the bedroom but Bora was guarding the door. 

She knew Siyeon wasn’t ready yet.

Bora didn’t think she would be anytime soon.

She literally had no excuse. Her tongue was tied, it was too dry and too big, words couldn’t form. In all honesty, she was half listening the people in the living room, she was all ears for any glass breaking sound.

But all she heard was cries.

Yet.

“Thanks for getting everyone out of the apartment, Minji.” Bora said sarcastically. This was giving her a headache, she needed to be with her girlfriend.

Possibly suicidal girlfriend.

“We are just worried, Bora.” Minji answered.

“Is she okay?” Yoohyeon asked weakly. She looked like she had been crying for days. It was understandable.

“She will be.” Bora muttered. Hopefully.

She locked eyes with Handong. She was shocked to the core. Dongie didn’t know anyone in the room and as soon as she said hello, Siyeon had a break down.

What a first impression.

“Dongie, I’m sorry you had to witness all of it.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about me. I hope she is okay.” Handong said rubbing her arm in attempt to comfort her. 

“You shouldn’t have stayed, Dongie.”

“What the hell happened to my sister?!” Gahyeon yelled to get everyone’s attention. 

Poor kid was terrified, shocked, sad, concerned, anxious.

“Gahyeon, I don’t know what happened.” Bora lied. She had to talk to Siyeon first before telling them anything.

“No, you know damn well what happened, you knew what to do, what to say. It was like a different version of Siyeon!” Gahyeon stood in front of Bora, her eyes narrowed. “I want to see my sister.”

“I can’t let you see her right now, Gahyeon.” Bora said as a matter of fact, holding Gahyeon’s gaze. The kid probably hated Bora right at this moment.

“Who are you to tell me when I can or can’t see my sister? I want to be there for her.”

“I know Gahyeon but I just need you to trust me.”

“I don’t know you! For all I know you are someone who hurt her and left her all alone in Bora Bora after she stayed there for you.” 

Bora sighed, she had a point. “As soon as she is okay, we will explain.” She turned to Handong, “Please go home, I’ll call you soon.” She looked at Minji, “Can you make pancakes?”

“I’ll make them.” Yubin offered.

“No. No offence Yubin, it has to be Minji.”

Confused, “Why?” Minji asked.

“She likes your pancakes. Please.” 

“Of course.”

Siyeon was trembling like she was having a seizure. It was too cold, but she didn’t feel like turning on the water.

She heard Gahyeon yelling about wanting to see her but she couldn’t. She couldn’t look them in the eyes and pretend everything was okay.

Nothing was okay.

She didn’t ask for her memories back, she didn’t ask to be reborn, she didn’t want this.

She glanced at the toilet, she spent a lot of time puking because of the alcohol she consumed none stop. Bora was always there. She never left her side even when there was no hope for Siyeon. 

She heard Bora every day, just talking to Siyeon about her day through the door, when she locked herself in the room, when she was starving herself. Just trying to hang on because of the promise she made to Minji.

Until she couldn’t.

She could still feel the cut on her wrist. She could remember the feeling of relief when she pierced her skin with a razor.

Would it make her feel relief too in this life?

She wanted to try. 

Once.

Just once.

Why don’t you trust them?

“Who would believe us?” 

These people are different, you love them.

“I don’t deserve them.”

What makes you say that?

“I’m not worth it…” 

Why don’t you end it?

“Because I love Bora… I don’t want to be the reason she kills herself again…” 

End this Siyeon, don’t you want to get rid of me?

“You’re not real, it’s not real,” Siyeon covered her ears with the razor still in her hand, "Not real..."

You’re pathetic.

“Siyeon? What are you doing with that?” She looked at Bora, who had a worried expression, her gaze going from razor to Siyeon.

“Please give it to me, sweetheart.” Bora extended her hand out to Siyeon. “Please,”

Siyeon didn’t want to give it to her, if the old Siyeon felt relief with pain, wasn’t she supposed to feel it again?

“Siyeon.” Bora used the cold tone again, her demanding voice.

“Why can I hear the voice again?” Siyeon whispered, “Wasn’t it supposed to stay in the old life?”

“You are not hearing it, it’s the memories that haunt your mind. Please give it to me.”

Siyeon hid the razor inside her hand, feeling the sharpness of it in her palm. “I-I don’t deserve it,”

“The depression, the voice, the pain… all of them are from the old life. It takes time to get over it. These are not your feelings; these are the old Siyeon’s feelings. Please give the razor to me, wolfie. We will get through it.” 

Siyeon reluctantly gave the razor to her girlfriend, she had to see Siyeon harm herself in different ways, she didn’t want her to go through it again in a completely new life.

Bora put the razor away from Siyeon’s reach and grabbed the shower head, she held it somewhere else while she turned the water on, waited for it to get hot enough.

“I don’t think this guilt I’m feeling is from the past,”

“Why are you feeling guilty?” Bora asked and sat down on the edge of the tub, pouring the hot water down Siyeon’s head, washing away the blood she imagined last night.

Siyeon closed her eyes, her tears getting mingled with the water as she let it relax her body, stop her trembling.

Last time Bora did this, the next day Siyeon was dead.

“Aren’t I the reason you- you killed yourself? Minji? I-I didn’t understand when you said it at first but now I do…” 

“We loved you Siyeon, there was no life without you.” Bora stroked her wet hair slowly, "I love you, there is still no life without you." She took Siyeon’s wrist and washed it slowly with the water, “There. No more blood.”

Siyeon silently cried as Bora washed her hair with shampoo, her fingers massaging her scalp, eyes clenched shut. 

“Do you remember the last time you did t-this?” Siyeon muttered softly.

“I do.” 

“Are you scared?”

“I am.”

She was never suicidal but the thought sounded so appealing at the moment, it was hard to resist. 

The feelings from the past were only suicidal thoughts, it was the voice telling her contemptuous things, it was the void inside her that couldn’t be filled, it was the laughter and the bullies, it was only dark.

Now she understood why Bora didn’t leave her alone for a while after she got her memories back.

“How did you do it?” Siyeon asked weakly, “How did you handle all of these emotions alone?”

After Bora washed her clean, she turned off the water and grabbed a towel. “Come here,” She wrapped it on Siyeon’s shoulders and helped her to stand up. She let Bora drag her to the bedroom slowly, she let her dry her body and put on underwear and oversized hoodie. 

“I had you. You helped me.” Bora said as they laid in the bed, Siyeon curled up in her arms to feel safe again. "And I'll help you."

Nothing could harm her if Bora was here. 

“I didn’t know anything,” Siyeon whispered, “I-I hurt you when you were just trying to f-find your best friend…” Siyeon’s tears started falling one by one onto Bora’s shirt. The guilt was eating her alive. 

How could she lose herself when she didn’t even know what her girlfriend was going through? 

“It’s okay, I never wanted you to remember, my love.” Bora kissed her head softly. “It is hard to feel everything all at once but it gets easier. You have me. You have all of your friends again. I know you feel guilty for leaving them behind… I did too. That’s why I desperately tried to find Dongie, to make it right but it’s not healthy…”

Bora cupped her cheeks and wiped her tears with her thump, Siyeon swallowed hard, tried to keep the tears inside.

“This is a whole new life to fill with happy memories,” Bora continued, “We are all together again.” 

“B-but it hurts, Bora,” Siyeon covered her mouth to stop the sob that escaped her lips, “I-I want it to stop…”

“It will stop, baby. Just hold on for me till those feelings go away. Can you do it for me?”

“I can do it for you… I can try,”

A loud knock on the door interrupted their conversation causing Siyeon to flinch and snuggle closer to Bora’s chest.

“Singnie!” Gahyeon screamed at the other side of the door. “Bora, let me see my sister!”

Siyeon could hear how desperate, how sad she sounded but she wasn’t ready to look at her and see the girl that wasn’t her sister before as her real sister.

It was so fucked up.

She didn’t deserve a nice sister like her, a girl she left behind without a second thought.

She was the youngest of their pack in the old life, despite her state she was always there for Gahyeon, always helped her with homework, always protected her. 

She was like a sister to Siyeon.

But now, she was the biological sister, they were bonded by blood, they had the same parents and they were always together.

It was no surprise that Gahyeon wanted to see her, wanted to be there for her. If it happened to her, she would kill Yubin for not letting Siyeon see her little sister.

But she wasn’t ready. 

Bora was waiting for Siyeon to give her an answer so she could either let her in or send her away. Siyeon shook her head and pulled the blanket over her head as Bora stood up from the bed.

She heard the door unlock, “Singnie?” Gahyeon called out but she guessed Bora blocked her way in.

“Bora, if you don’t move-“

The door closed.

She heard them have a shouting match outside but she closed her ears to stop the noise.

It was too crowded.

It was too loud.

She curled up in a fetal position and pressed her palms harder on her ears. 

She felt overwhelmed.

She got to her feet slowly and made her way to the door to listen the conversation.

“-and you know what she needs?!” Gahyeon said angrily. 

Poor Bora…

“I know exactly what she needs and that’s silence. Less people.” Bora answered calmly. 

“That’s my apartment, if anyone has to go it’s you! I can take care of my sister!” 

“Really? You know what she is going through right now?” 

Siyeon could tell Bora was suppressing her anger, trying not to lash out on the youngest.

“We know she needs her family.” Yoohyeon said. 

Why were they angry at Bora? Bora was just trying to help her, only she knew what went down.

“Lower your voices, she needs silence.” 

Siyeon opened the door slowly, without making a sound to peek at the scene unfolding in the living room.

Gahyeon was inches away from Bora’s face, her eyes narrowed, cold, angry, as if Bora was the enemy. Yoohyeon right next to her with the same expression.

“You act like you know her better than us.” Gahyeon said. “How long has it been since you two met? A month?”

Bora held her spot, she looked calm but Siyeon knew she was just trying to be respectful to her family or she wouldn’t have been so calm.

Minji was standing next to Bora, ready to defend her best friend. 

Handong wasn’t there, she must’ve freaked out when Siyeon had a break down. 

Yubin was sitting on the couch, just watching the girls argue.

Still the same cold blooded Yubin.

“You said, it was like a different version of Siyeon. Remember? I know that Siyeon.”

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“Hey. Take a step back Gahyeon-ah. Siyeon will talk to you when she feels ready.” Minji interrupted and slightly moved in front of Bora to protect her if needed because the girls were ready to throw hands.

Minji always knew how the others felt all the time. 

Her Minjiu…

She just wanted to be in her arms again, feel her warmth, apologize for everything, promise again that she wouldn’t leave her, that she wouldn’t break her promise ever again…

But Minji didn’t remember her.

Not in the way Siyeon wanted her to remember. She wasn’t her best friend, her protector, her partner in crime, her life saver…

She was Bora’s best friend. 

She ruined her youth.

She ruined her chance of happiness with Yoohyeon.

She wanted to escape her pain so badly that she didn’t think of the pain she left behind.

A pain so unbearable that the only solution was death.

How could she do this to her?

To them?

She stepped outside of her bedroom but no one noticed her. They were so focused on screaming at each other.

Her breathing got faster, she felt the temper rising, her hands started to shake.

It was too loud…

“Stop,” Siyeon whispered under her breath but no one heard her.

“Tell us what happened!” Gahyeon demanded. “The girl who loved life wanted to die, she even tried to do it but you knew exactly what she was thinking, what she was going to do!”

“What do you want me to say, Gahyeon?” Bora answered, “Whatever I say, you won’t believe me. Let me handle this till she is ready.”

“Stop,” Siyeon tried one more time but again, it didn’t reach them. 

Siyeon felt like she couldn’t breathe. She needed air, she needed silence.

As they were screaming at each other, Siyeon started walking to the front door. 

No one even saw her leave.

She made her way to outside slowly, she took a deep breath, filled her lungs with fresh air and let the wind hit her face for a moment.

A woman passed by, laughing.

Did she laugh at Siyeon?

Then she noticed the pool of people all around her. 

Her head started to spin, it felt like everyone was laughing at her, coming at her, bullying her. 

She should’ve stayed in the bedroom. 

Too many people…

These are not your feelings, get over it… you can do this, just start walking… you are not that Siyeon anymore…

She took a step forward but because her gaze was on the surface, she bumped into a man.

“Watch it.” The man said before he walked away.

“I said watch it you freak, watch where you’re going.”

“Cat got your tongue, bitch?”

“No,” Siyeon mumbled and ran back inside the apartment. She climbed upstairs as if a wild animal was chasing her, “I can’t,” She had to stop when she reached the door of the rooftop. Thankfully it wasn’t locked so she stepped outside and fell hard on her knees as she cried hysterically. “I don’t want to remember- please… I-I don’t want this…” She whispered to herself as raw sobs left her dry throat.

She remembered their first snow they had in the rooftop. Where she felt happiness for a short period of time before everything went down the hill.

How they sang together, had a snow fight together.

We jumped off a rooftop after Siyeon killed herself because we couldn’t live without her.

Siyeon’s heart ached at the thought of Bora and Minji dying in agony because of her. Was that why she had a thing for flying? Just like she had a thing for inflicting pain? 

This was so fucked up.

Did it hurt Bora? Minji? What did they think before they died?

She stood up to from the floor and walked closer to the edge. She thought of Bora's and Minji's last moments before they took the leap and ended their lives because of her. She was never a fan of heights but right now it didn’t look so bad.

She sat down on the edge, letting her feet swing to the void.

One wrong movement and she’d be falling to her death just like her girlfriend and best friend did.

She glanced down at the humans that looked like ants from up there. She wondered if any of them were reborn too, if they could remember their old lives.

What a curse.

Was it a punishment for hurting Bora?

“Siyeon.” She heard Bora’s panicked voice behind but she didn’t bother looking up at her. She heard the footsteps getting closer to her.

“Did it hurt, Bora?” 

She wanted to know the pain her girlfriend had to go through because of her. 

“It did. It hurt, wolfie. I realized how much after I was… awakened.” Bora said as she approached Siyeon cautiously.

Siyeon's heart ached for the millionth time.

She was so scared.

She had every right to be.

Even Siyeon was scared of herself. 

All of these new emotions were hard to control and it was so suffocating. 

“I’m so sorry,”

“Don’t be. Wherever you go, I’ll follow. Please come down.” She took one step closer to Siyeon as if she was afraid Siyeon would jump if she got too close.

“They were laughing at me Bora. I-I accidentally bumped into someone and he- he said- freak, bitch…” 

“Do you remember what happened next?” Bora asked and finally stood next to Siyeon but still not too close, Siyeon noticed. She probably didn’t want to spook her. 

“Minji saved me from him. Then you saved me…” Siyeon sniffled.

“Yes. I’ll always save you,”

“That painting was so beautiful.” Siyeon smiled softly, “You drew me.”

“Even when we didn’t know each other, I kept seeing it in my dreams. Remember the painting in Bora Bora?”

Siyeon nodded, “I remember… you even drew my- my- uh… that accident.” 

“I woke up every day feeling like a failure because I couldn’t save you. But we found each other again, sweetheart. I won’t fail you again.”

It was funny, Siyeon thought she had failed her and Bora thought the opposite. 

“You are not a failure,”

“And you are not that Siyeon, anymore.”

“But I feel like her. I’m so overwhelmed. It’s just so crowded, Bora. Too many noise…”

“Do you want to go away for a while, my love? Somewhere quiet? How about a hotel in the woods? What do you say?” 

Bora wrapped her arms from behind and pulled Siyeon back quickly and turned her around to look at her with a smile. 

It’d be nice to get away, to have a break from everyone in her apartment, asking questions they didn’t have answers to. To be with her girlfriend alone until she could control those emotions and get back on her feet. 

“Just us?” Siyeon pressed her forehead against Bora’s, arms around her neck. 

“Just us, wolfie.”


	12. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW / Abuse

Siyeon’s heart thudded loudly inside her ribcage.

Siyeon squeezed Bora’s hand tighter as they got closer to the apartment door. There was no way she could just sneak back into her bedroom, she knew Gahyeon was waiting there to talk to her, make sure she was okay.

“I know you’re not ready to see them but Gahyeon will actually kill me if I keep getting in the way, Singnie.” Bora said, placing a soft kiss on Siyeon’s hand. “Just talk to her, say something.”

“She is not my sister, I-I mean she is… but she wasn’t and it’s just… weird that she is,” Siyeon muttered, staring at the door in front of them like it was the hell gate.

“She loves you, your family loves you.” Bora smiled softly, “I love you.” 

“I love you,” Siyeon took a deep breath before nodding at Bora to knock. 

When the door opened, she expected to see Gahyeon crying or yelling at her for not talking to her but what she didn’t expect was to see her mother and father.

Her second parents.

Because the first ones hated her guts.

Her family that loved her so much. That gave her anything she wanted, accepted her when she came out, supported her about moving to Bora Bora, protected her at all costs. 

“Sweetie,” She was pulled in her mother’s loving embrace, Bora’s hand ripped away from her, her mother basically dragging her back to the living room.

But she was frozen, she was as still as a statue, her breathing got heavier and she desperately searched for Bora but her parents surrounded her.

Gahyeon must’ve called them and told her about her breakdown and attempt to kill herself. She had always been mommy’s girl. 

“We came here as soon as we heard, we got you now sweetie.” Her mother said, tightening her hug. Her father’s hand softly rubbed her back, silently showing he was there too.

“Yes, honey, talk to us, we will get you the best doctors if you need.”

“How dare you talk to me like that!” Her father exclaimed angrily before slapping teenager Siyeon, causing her to fall on the ground, hand on her cheek to soothe the burning feeling. 

But she refused to cry. She looked down, kept her mouth shut not to fuel him more.

“Why can’t you be normal?” Her father kneeled in front of her to get in the same eye level, “You always seek attention with your attitude. I’m fucking ashamed to tell people you are my daughter.” He spat out before his palm came in contact with Siyeon’s cheek again. 

Her lip probably broke, she tasted blood in her mouth, tears threatened to escape but she held them back. She wouldn’t allow her father to see her weak.

“I-I’m sorry, father,” Siyeon whispered, her eyes still on the ground. She knew if she looked at him, he’d think she was being a rebel and hit much harder.

Her father roughly gripped on her jaw to make her look at him, “Look at me you little freak.” His grip tightened, “Not so confident now without your friend. What was her name… Minji?”

Siyeon clenched her eyes shut, not to see her hideous so called father. She talked back to him when her childhood friend was around, just a moment of weakness without thinking of consequences and she was paying for it now.

Her father laughed at her face, “You are nothing without her huh? Your mother gave birth to you unfortunately and left your pathetic ass with me, you will obey my rules.” He pushed her head back hardly like he was throwing a rock, her head hit the wall behind her, she winced in pain but it helped her to keep her cool.

She just needed more pain. 

“Little freak. Don’t you talk back to me or you’ll pay the price and maybe your friend will pay the price too.”

“N-no p-please, I-I won’t talk back again father, I’m sorry… don’t hurt Minji…”

“Don’t hurt Minji... don’t hurt Minji… don’t hurt Minji…”

“Siyeon, come back to me!” She heard a yell, someone shook her shoulders very softly, caressed her cheek. 

“I’m sorry, father, I-I’m sorry, don’t hurt Minji…” She flinched at the touch on her cheek, ready for another slap. “Don’t hurt Minji…” 

“Call her Singnie,” She heard a whisper before she heard her best friend’s voice.

“I’m okay Singnie, he didn’t hurt me, look at me.” Minji kneeled in front of her as she cupped her cheeks, wiped her tears, but her eyes were shut, she was just waiting for another slap. 

“I’m sorry f-father,” She whispered, and threw herself in her best friend’s arms safety, he wouldn’t harm her when she was around. 

“Open your eyes, Singnie, you are safe. He didn’t hurt me, I’m safe.” Minji kept saying sweet words to her, keeping her close to her chest as her hand stroked her hair until her cries calmed down a bit.

“Baby, take a deep breath for me and look at me.” She heard Bora’s calming voice.

“He- he was going to hurt Minji,” Siyeon whispered, “I-I just- I don’t want him to hurt her,” 

“He is not here anymore; babygirl he will never hurt you again. I’ll never let him hurt you. Deep breaths for me, you can do it, come back to me.” 

She obeyed and took a deep breath before her eyes fluttered open, finally realizing her surroundings, this was not the home she saw herself in, this was a new one. 

She was in Minji’s arms, a woman was just a foot away, her eyes shining with tears, just waiting in case she was needed, her friends were watching from afar not to smother her, but all of them had shocked and worried expressions.

Her girlfriend was kneeling right in front of her, she couldn’t read her expression, she looked sad, tired, worried, a little angry too. 

Was she angry at Siyeon?

The flashback was real like it had just happened. She felt worthless all over again. Her cheek was hurting; she could feel the bump in her head.

God, she couldn’t breathe.

Her eyes landed on the man in the room but when she looked at him, she only saw the man who abused her till the day she moved out.

Who made her feel worthless and pathetic, beat the crap out of her when she talked back or looked the wrong way.

“D-don’t hurt me,” She crawled back away from him as far as she could, “I-I’m s-sorry,” When she hit the corner of the wall, she felt trapped so she tried to cover her head with her hands, drew her knees on her chest. “P-please…” She was ready for another kick or slap or punch, whatever he’d throw at her, she was ready.

“Baby, I’d nev-“

“Sir, I’m sorry but you need to step back.” Bora stood in front of Siyeon’s father, “It’d be best if you leave the room.”

“Yes… yes anything she needs.” 

“Thank you Mr. Lee.”

“I’ll be in the kitchen please call out if you need me.” 

“Yes sir,” 

Siyeon felt Minji’s hands on her gently urging her to lay on her chest again, and Siyeon obeyed. She inhaled her scent and let it calm her for a bit while the man left the room.

With every deep breath she took, she slowly came to her senses, that man was her father, not the man from the old life. He loved her deeply, and she was always daddy’s girl, she’d always prefer him over her mother. 

He was a kind, sweet, calm, chill person. He helped her pick up girls with Siyeon, he always got her back, he supported her through anything, he loved her friends, and he was always respectful to everyone.

Her mother was just as sweet, she loved her daughters deeply but she was too protective. She always judged her friends rather quickly but she didn’t have any bad intention, Siyeon knew. She just didn’t want anyone to hurt her girls.

Her family loved her.

Everyone in the room loved her.

“They love you, Siyeon, baby, they love you so much, they’d never hurt you.” Bora whispered.

“They l-love me,” Siyeon looked at her mother who was openly crying, and asking to her little sister what was happening under her breath. 

“Yes, that’s it, they love you.” Bora moved from her spot to make room for her mother and her mother opened her arms, too afraid to touch her and scare her so she just waited for Siyeon to come in her arms first.

“Of course, we love you Siyeonnie… We’ll help you get through this, whatever you need sweetie. Doctors, meds, whatever you need…”

Siyeon smiled softly at her mother, a love she never experienced in her old life because she was left behind to the man who abused her, disregarded her illness and blamed her for everything. She was sure they didn’t even bother coming to her funeral. 

Siyeon hesitantly wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck, feeling her arms around her torso as she closed her eyes and reminded herself that, this was a new life.

They loved her, her father would never lay a hand on her, her mother never left her. They didn’t say she was just seeking attention with her attack or attitude, they were willing to put her in a mental hospital right at this moment if she needed it.

She wondered how could’ve been if her father from the old life was caring enough to put her in a hospital. Would she get better? Maybe she wouldn’t have killed herself.

She knew she had to explain it to them somehow, perhaps she still wasn’t ready to see her father but she could feel his love towards her.

Now how was she going to get out of this situation? She really needed to stop having attacks in front of people. 

“I’m okay, I’m fine,” Siyeon muttered but her mother didn’t let go of Siyeon, just hugged her tighter. “I’m o-okay,” 

She glanced at Bora, who was smiling heartily at the scene in front of her. Siyeon knew, Bora didn’t want to make the same mistakes, if Siyeon’s present self, didn’t overcome her past-self, she knew Bora wouldn’t hesitate to put her in a hospital or send her to therapy. 

Her mother let her go after few more minutes, “I love you with all my heart Siyeonnie,” she said before she encouraged her to stand up slowly. 

She saw her father peek from the kitchen as if he was afraid to show his face, not to give her another attack, which made Siyeon chuckle.

He really cared about her…

She needed to get over her past, that man was long gone, she had to keep reminding herself that. 

“Can I come out?” Her father asked from the kitchen and all the heads in the living room turned to Siyeon, waiting for her response.

Siyeon nodded weakly and kept her gaze down as her father came to stand in front of her. 

“Baby, I’d never hurt you nor your sister. I love you, you know that right?” He said softly, keeping his voice to minimum.

It was a weird feeling to be loved by her parents, the closest thing she had to a family was Minji. Who also looked frightened. 

“I-I know,” Siyeon whispered. 

Her mother urged everyone to sit down, Siyeon immediately went to Bora’s side, intertwined their fingers. She saw a disappointed look on her mother’s face but she replaced it with a smile quickly.

She sat closely to Bora and started pinching her elbow, everyone was waiting her to speak, to explain but what could she possibly say?

“Gahyeonnie called me yesterday, she told me you had a massive break down?” Her mother asked, concern in her voice evident. “And what we witnessed it just now.”

Bora sent her sister a glare and bit her lip nervously. Siyeon couldn’t imagine how tiring it was for Bora. They both needed a break from everything.

“I didn’t-“ Siyeon cleared her throat. She was a confident, independent girl in this life. 

Time to act.

“I’m just really stressed about work and we’ve been watching horror movies lately, abusive parents… suicides… all that… plus you know my nightmares. I’m not going crazy, I’m just stressed. I just need a break.”

Gahyeon opened her mouth but quickly closed it because of the death glares from the couple.

“We know an excellent therapist,” Her father noted, “Can you talk to her?”

It was pretty obvious that they didn’t buy her story. Even she didn’t believe her stupid lie.

“We really think you should, sweetie.”

It was both a beautiful and a weird feeling to be loved and cared for by the people that gave birth to her. If it was the old life her father was beating the shit out of her for making a scene.

“How about we make a deal? Let me go somewhere quiet just for a week or something and if I still don’t feel better, I’ll do as you please.” Siyeon suggested. “You said whatever I need, this is what I need.”

“Where would you go?” Her mother asked and eyed her girlfriend up and down with a look she couldn’t understand. “We can take you somewhere quiet. Your family.”

“She is my family too. That’s my girlfriend by the way. Bora.” 

“Hello,” Bora mumbled and awkwardly waved her hand.

“The girl you stayed in Bora Bora for?” 

“That’s the one, yeah.”

“How long have you known each other?” 

Gahyeon snorted, “A month.”

Siyeon was going to kill Gahyeon after this. For sure. They didn’t know each other for a month, it was their second life together but whatever. She saw Yoohyeon pinch her side slightly.

“You want to get away with a girl you just met?”

Her possessive and protective side was screaming at her to lash out on her parents and tell them Bora understood her better than anyone could at this moment.

But she kept her mouth shut and just nodded.

“You really should see a doctor, Siyeonnie.” Her father insisted.

Siyeon still couldn’t meet his eyes, it was hard to remember this man wasn’t the old father. 

“A week, f-father, p-please,” She hid behind Bora’s side slightly, she knew she wasn’t going to get her ass kicked for talking back but the flashback was too vivid to let go that quickly.

Their parents looked at each other, communicating through their eyes as if they could talk telepathically.

“It’s okay, they love you, keep repeating this, my love.” Bora whispered in her ear, “He won’t hurt you.” She kissed her temple and smiled tenderly.

Her watery gaze drifted up to the ceiling, as she tried to get a handle on her emotions.

“A week it is, then.” Her father stated, and her mother nodded. They were reluctant, she could see it crystal clear but she was an adult and they knew better than to force her into something she didn’t want to do.

Gahyeon looked her parents in disbelief, “Seriously?” 

“Just a week. We trust her and if she doesn’t get better we know she will tell us and we will do whatever it takes. Right Siyeonnie?”

“Right.”

After hours of interrogating Bora, their parents finally left and Siyeon exhaled shakily she seriously didn’t think they’d go today.

Her mother asked different questions to Bora; her family, her interests, where she graduated, what she did for living, why she chose to live in Bora Bora, if she loved Siyeon, if she really cheated or not. 

Siyeon wanted to kidnap Bora and keep her safe from her parents.

But again, she also felt happy. She had parents that actually cared enough to know about her girlfriend, and if she was right for their precious daughter. 

Bora was interrogated by Yoohyeon first, then Gahyeon and then her parents.

Maybe she needed a break more than Siyeon.

Her parents offered them their family’s lake house outside of the city. Because they loved to stay in tents and camps growing up, the lake house usually stayed vacant.

But they always sent a cleaner once or twice a month to keep it neat.

When Bora and Siyeon went inside her bedroom to pack, Gahyeon followed them too and closed the door behind her.

“Why are you avoiding me, unnie? Why don’t you talk to me?” Gahyeon said, holding her tears back.

“I’ll pack for you, go talk to your sister, wolfie.”

Siyeon had to face her parents, she could face Gahyeon too. She could do it. She was her sister after all.

“Why did you call them?” Siyeon asked with arms folded on her chest.

“Are you mad at me? We always call them when we are not well.” Gahyeon gave her an odd look.

It was true, their parents were like safe haven for both of them. 

“I’m sorry,”

“Please tell me what happened because that was full of lies.”

“I-I can’t. Not yet. Give me time, please.”

Gahyeon wrapped her arms around her torso and gave her a tight hug before she muttered, “I will need an explanation once you are better.”

“Deal.”

After Gahyeon left the room, Siyeon sank onto the bed and felt the exhaustion hit her. She was so tired. Seeing that man from the old life vividly and feeling his slap all over again broke her in and out.

She remembered everything just yesterday and a lot happened in the span of 24 hours.

It was crazy how much it happened in a day actually.

She wanted to sleep in Bora’s arms forever.

“Hey,” Bora kneeled in front of the bed and held her hands, “You will be okay. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“It- it was a flashback of him… he-“ Siyeon choked on her words tears streaming down both cheeks. “He used to-“

“I know, I know. But your dad loves you, he loves you so much Singnie.” Bora wiped her tears as she kissed her softly, emotions stealing her breath. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“What about Minji?”

“What about her?”

“Isn’t she… confused?” 

“I told her I’d explain later.”

They said goodbye to their friends, and Siyeon followed her to her car, lost in her thoughts. She climbed into the passenger side while Bora climbed behind the wheel.

Bora loved her through her worst and darkest times of her life, she always cared about her in any condition, she stood up to her parents not caring if they’d see her as a disrespectful person. 

She went through everything Siyeon was going through all alone, without any help, without anyone to talk to. She had to hide her guilt of leaving her friends, hide her sadness of losing her girlfriend, and that her childhood friend was nowhere to be found. It was too much to go through all alone and live while pretending. That burden eventually broke her. 

Siyeon didn’t even ask why her personality changed after their first sex, she figured she didn’t know her enough and Bora was showing her true colors.

Colors that she loved deeply.

Now she understood perfectly why she ran off to Korea after their fight, why she had to find her best friend and make it right, get the guilt off her chest. She wanted to do it with Minji but she knew Minji didn’t remember anything so she had to swallow it.

“What are you thinking, sweetheart?” Bora’s sweet voice snapped her back to reality.

“How much you had to go through all alone,” Siyeon whispered.

“We talked about this, I told you, you helped me a lot. Please stop worrying.” Bora placed her hand on her thigh as she kept driving to their destination.

“I’m sorry for today…”

“It’s not your fault,”

“And I’m sorry about my mother’s questions… I wanted you to meet them under different circumstances.”

“It’s understandable, she probably wanted to know about the girl she’s leaving her daughter with.” Bora smiled, eyes never leaving the road.

“I guess,” Siyeon played with Bora’s fingers on her thigh, pinching the back of her hand. “It was too vivid, too real Bora,”

Bora squeezed her thigh, her jaw clenched for a moment before answering, “When you told me about him, Handong had to stop me from killing him. Everyday.”

“When we met, I was living with Min- You stole my best friend.” Siyeon faked a pout and Bora chuckled.

“I’m sorry my love, you can take her back; she is giving me a headache anyway.” 

Siyeon couldn’t help but laugh loudly at her comment, it was the first laugh in almost two days. God she loved this woman.

But there was one thing that kept bugging her at the back of her head, she needed to know.

“Can I ask you a question?” Siyeon asked.

“Of course.”

“Did they… did my parents… come to my funeral?”

Bora’s knuckles holding the wheel turned white, it was probably killing her to remember those times. 

“You can tell me,” Siyeon added softly. “I know they didn’t love me but… I was their daughter… you’d think they would come to the funeral.” Siyeon looked out of the window, her eyes filling with ridiculous, sentimental tears again.

“I spent days on your grave… just laid on the dirt… I cried. I screamed. Every day. Minji looked at the sky. She believed you were happy up there.” A tear streamed down on Bora’s cheek but she quickly wiped it off. Siyeon was watching her but Bora never looked at her as she drove. “But I looked down. At the dirt that had you six feet under. Without my arms to keep you warm. And I said, I’d come to you soon. How could I let you get cold down there? You needed me. You wouldn’t get rid of me just like that. I hoped you were waiting for me.”

Siyeon sniffled and clutched Bora’s hand on her chest, pressing it against her heart. She wasn’t able to catch her breath, much less form words. She kissed her hand and closed her eyes letting the tears fall without a care in the world.

“No, the people gave birth to you didn’t come but your family was there.”

“I’m so sorry my little bird…” 

“Don’t be. You waited for me.” 

“I love you Bora.” 

“I love you Siyeon. I’ll love you in every life.”


	13. Breaking out

Wolves would chew on their legs to break free if they were trapped. It was in their DNA to forge ahead, to keep going.

How easy could it be to cut off a part of them? It wasn’t. But to move on, to escape, to break free, it was necessary which made perfect sense.

Like wolves, Siyeon had to cut off a part of her to keep going, to survive.

It could be hard to keep going with no mate to rely on, with no one to help them out especially with a missing part of its body.

But it wasn’t true.

At least in Siyeon’s case.

She wasn’t alone.

It felt like universe desperately tried to push them together but it also wanted them to suffer.

She felt cornered, forced into a situation she didn’t want to face. 

The past Siyeon would’ve let it consume her, let that eat her alive, drain all of her hope and happiness and force her into a suicide.

Siyeon wasn’t sure why she remembered all those pain, she kept asking that question. To Bora, to God or Goddess, to universe. No one knew the correct answer.

But now she did.

It was a test from universe to see if they were strong enough to break the cycle. 

The dark did not destroy the light, it defined it. Because no one could see the stars without darkness.

Siyeon woke up around noon with the sound of Bora’s snores. Her arms and legs were wrapped around her body, Siyeon’s head was laying on her girlfriend’s chest, and when she gazed up to look at her sleeping beauty, she suppressed a chuckle. Her mouth was agape, and she was drooling. 

Sexy.

In their old life, when she woke up in Bora’s arms feeling suffocated just like this position, she already had a plan and in the next few hours she was dead.

But now she just wanted to get closer to her. Stay there forever. Safe in her arms.

Last night, as soon as they got to the lake house, they went straight to bed.

Literally.

They dropped the bags in middle of living room, washed themselves and slept.

They needed it more than anything.

The lake house was quite simple. It wasn’t fancy nor too big. It was a small house with two floors, old, mostly wooden furniture and a small garden merging with the lake.

It had a fireplace too but Siyeon wasn’t sure they’d care enough to light it up. She’d rather feel her girlfriend’s warmth instead of fire.

Siyeon wiggled herself out of Bora’s hold without waking her up thankfully. Bora groaned in her sleep, shifted her body and went back to snoring, hugging the pillow as if it was Siyeon. 

How cute was she?

Bora needed to sleep more than her. She went through a lot in these days maybe more than Siyeon.

She wanted to make her breakfast as a thank you but they didn’t think of shopping before they got here. The fridge was completely empty. 

She could go out to the grocery store and buy enough food to last for a week but she didn’t know if she was ready to see people yet. 

The last thing she wanted was to have another attack and worry her girlfriend again.

And Bora would kill her if she left without telling her first.

Since there was nothing to eat and she had to wait for Bora to wake up to go out, she decided to go out to the front porch and sit on one of the chairs.

Her eyes fell close, she listened to the birds sing for a moment.

Suddenly, her job in Bora Bora came to her mind. She didn’t want to go back to Bora Bora actually, she didn’t want Bora to leave Handong again and frankly, she didn’t want to leave her family nor her friends.

She knew how much she was going to piss off her boss and it’d take time to find a new job and not to mention, feel ready to sing in front of a crowd but they’d get through it.

If Bora was there, they could do anything together.

Even though Bora’s whole life was there, Siyeon knew, Bora wouldn’t want to leave her best friend again.

How could she ever repay to Bora for everything she had done to her?

This life and the other.

She was truly an angel.

The sound of birds reminded her what a good childhood she had. 

She never would have thought she’d be this happy growing up, not to be beaten out of nowhere, not to be yelled at or laughed at. 

Despite feeling guilty for leaving her girlfriend and friends, she would do it again. If she was still living that life she would do it all over again.

Maybe she wouldn’t have dragged Bora into her mess but the suicide, she wouldn’t hesitate.

However; she had a beautiful life now. She was still feeling a little overwhelmed by all these emotions and memories haunting her mind every single second, but she was going to overcome them with Bora’s help. 

She wasn’t worthless, she wasn’t unlovable, she wasn’t seeking attention, she wasn’t pathetic. 

Her life wasn’t in dark colors anymore. It was colorful before and got even better when Bora came back into her life.

Like a rainbow.

She was breathing… and she actually felt like living.

Every part of her didn’t scream at her to put an end to her misery, every part of her was screaming to live a good and happy life with her girl.

She still had a long way to go before she could truly be herself again or step outside by herself without having a panic attack but she had something worth fighting for.

The door slammed open, startling Siyeon out of her thoughts.

“You-“ Bora took a deep breath panting for air, “Fuck. Leave a note or something.”

Siyeon watched her girlfriend with a crooked smile, Bora probably thought she did something lunatic. “I’m okay,” 

“Don’t do it again. Wake me up next time.” Bora snarled.

“I’m sorry… You needed to rest.”

“No, what I need is my woman in my arms. Not an empty bed.” Bora straddled her hips and pressed a soft kiss on Siyeon’s lips. “I got scared. How are you feeling?”

My woman.

“I didn’t mean to worry you, I’m sorry. I feel better… in a way.” Siyeon laid her head on Bora’s chest and breathed in her scent. “We need to go shopping.”

“Okay. Let’s get ready, I’ll make you delicious pancakes.”

“They’re still my favorite.” 

“I know, baby.” Bora pecked her lips one more time before she stood up from her lap.

After they put on some decent but comfortable clothes, they got in the car to go to the closest grocery store. 

The ride was silent, soft music playing in the background while Siyeon watched outside in peace.

When they arrived and parked the car, Siyeon didn’t see many people but she felt uneasy to step out of the car.

What if they laughed at her? 

“You can stay in the car; I’ll be back in ten.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not.” 

Siyeon watched her disappear inside the shop and bit her lip nervously. Maybe she should’ve went with her. She didn’t want to be alone but she also didn’t have the heart to go there and search for her girlfriend by herself.

She could wait.

It took Bora about twenty minutes to get back with a man helping her to carry out the bags. Lots of bags actually. Bora opened the trunk and thanked the man who helped her carry and climbed behind the wheel.

“Did you buy the whole store?” Siyeon asked. 

“Do you want to eat bugs for the next week?” Bora laughed as she started the car, driving back to for the time being home.

“I’d rather-“ Siyeon couldn’t finish her sentence. She wasn’t a shy person in this life so what was this blush on her cheeks? 

Bora smirked, “Go on, finish your sentence.”

“I-I would rather eat pancakes.” 

“Pancakes makes you blush like that?” 

Siyeon glanced out of the window in hopes of hiding her stupid blush, “What a beautiful weather.” 

Bora laughed, her head thrown back, “You are so adorable,”

Bora’s laugh was one of a kind. It was unique in her own way and Siyeon couldn’t be happier that it hadn’t changed.

They made small talk here and there till they arrived and carried the bags inside, placing them in the fridge. Now they didn’t have to leave the house for a whole week.

Siyeon watched her girlfriend cook pancakes, “Hey Bora?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I want to live in Bora Bora anymore… I know it’s your home-“

“You are my home, Siyeon. I only went there because I had a strong feeling I’d find the answer to my nightmares and I did.”

“You don’t mind if we move back?” Siyeon asked.

“I’d love to move back; I don’t want to leave Dongie.”

“I know. That’s what I thought,” Siyeon smiled, “Isn’t it crazy we both had the same nightmares? I was unable to see your face, and you were unable to see mine.”

“Things would’ve been different if we saw our faces.”

“Like what?”

“We’d lose our minds trying to find that person.”

Siyeon nodded, if she saw a face and not know who it was, she would go crazy. She would do everything in her power to find that person and then what? Tell them she had dreams with her?

It was better that they didn’t see each other.

“I don’t know if it was an actual dream or if it really happened but… in my nightmare I watched myself get taken away to an ambulance. Two people, I assume you and Minji were crying together.” Siyeon’s heart sank again. 

Bora remained silent as she finished cooking pancakes and placed them on the table, “It happened.”

Siyeon played with the food on her plate, deep in thought. So it really happened but how could she see it?

She was unconscious, maybe even dead. Was it her ghost or something?

“Eat, Siyeon.”

“My girlfriend is dying in there and you’re looking at me like you wouldn’t have done the same shit if you were in my shoes. That’s my world in there, crumbling down and I can’t help her!!”

Bora’s voice echoed in her mind. She heard it just before she locked herself in the room. She didn’t feel anything back then but now she wanted to cry for making Bora go through all that.

She started eating obediently and kept avoiding her girlfriend’s eyes throughout the breakfast. 

“I need you to promise me something.” Bora broke the silence.

“O-okay,”

“If you feel like those thoughts and emotions from the past start to overcome your true personality, we will go to a doctor, or put you in a hospital, therapy, medicine, whatever it is. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“But I don’t want to be in a hospital,”

“Siyeon.” 

It was easier said than done but she would try her best. She couldn’t imagine how Bora felt that her old suicidal girlfriend was back. 

But Siyeon could defeat it.

She could do it.

“I promise, Bora.”

After their breakfast, Bora started to clean the kitchen and Siyeon excused herself to go to the bathroom. She wanted her girlfriend to relax after days of stress. 

She filled the tub with hot water first, then turned it cold to balance it out and not melt Bora in it. She didn’t have- no, she didn’t know what people put in the water to make it bubbly so she poured shampoo in it and stirred it like a soup.

Not too bubbly but it’d do.

She lighted few candles around the tub and smiled at her work. 

She made her way to downstairs to see Bora was just finishing up cleaning. A beautiful red rose caught her attention on the garden, and it’d be a nice romantic gesture.

Just when she was about to step outside, Bora’s voice stopped her, “Where are you going?”

“Uh- Um… to get a rose,” 

“Why?”

“Because I’m romantic.”

Bora laughed softly and nodded her head giving her permission to do whatever she liked. 

Siyeon went outside and pulled the rose off from the root. It smelled nice. She almost felt bad for ending its life. Almost.

She walked back inside the house and Bora smiled at her, waiting Siyeon to give her the rose she promised. 

“I changed my mind, I’m keeping it.” Siyeon sent her a wink and raced upstairs to the bathroom as she removed the leaves from the rose, shedding it onto the water.

Okay, now it looked magnificent. 

“You got a room for another in there?” 

Siyeon jumped slightly in fear at her girlfriend’s voice all of a sudden. 

“Don’t be scared, it’s just me.” Bora kissed her cheek, “It looks good, sweetheart.”

“It-It’s for you. I thought you might want to relax… You deserve it. I-I hope you like it,”

“Oh? I do. I like it a lot but I’d like it more if you join me.” Bora cupped her cheek with both hands, “I’m not comfortable with leaving you alone even for a second.”

“I’ll just wait outside. In the bedroom. I won’t kill myself,”

“Really because I had to stop you the first time then caught you with a razor and on the rooftop…”

“Point taken…but I won’t.” Siyeon bit the inside of her cheek as she took a step back, “The water will get cold,”

“Join me, sweetheart.”

In any other day, she would jump on the offer but she felt a little insecure with getting naked in front of her girlfriend.

It could be the old Siyeon’s insecurity but it was there and she was feeling it. It sucked.

She had to push through her fears, she had to get a handle on her emotions and let the new Siyeon elevate.

Little by little.

Siyeon watched her girlfriend strip out of her clothes in awe. She was utterly beautiful. Bora stepped inside the tub and sank down on the water till she was sitting on one edge.

“This is so good, thank you my love.” Bora said with a smile.

Siyeon just stood there… awkwardly. She played with the hem of her shirt, her gaze falling to ground.

Bora found her beautiful even with lots of scars on her body, so why was she getting insecure now? 

“Take off your clothes, and join me please.” Bora said but it was more of an order. Siyeon found herself obeying involuntarily. 

She took off her shirt and tossed it aside, very aware of Bora’s soft but lustful gaze on her and felt too vulnerable with her exposed chest. 

She got rid of rest of her clothes as quickly as possible and sat down on the other edge of the tub, hoping the water covered her exposed body. 

“Are you okay, Singnie?” Bora looked at her with love so clear that she could reach out and touch it.

Was she? She was getting there. “Are you?”

Bora was taken back with her question, “I am now.”

“I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you… to go back to those days.”

“It was hard. I thought I was going to lose you again.” Bora muttered as she made circles on Siyeon’s leg with her fingertip underwater. 

“You won’t, Bora, I won’t leave you again. I-I can overcome these emotions… or get used to them I don’t know.”

“Yes, you can, my love. I’ll be there every step of the way and if it gets too hard we will see a therapist. Okay?”

Siyeon nodded. Just like her girlfriend she didn’t want to make the same mistakes again and lose this second chance to be happy. She wasn’t going to be stubborn this time. If she needed help, she would get it on time.

But not yet.

“Do you think we had more lives together?” Siyeon asked, playing with a bubble on the water.

“Maybe but we only remembered one so…”

“If we reincarnate again after we- we die… do you think we’re going to remember the last one and this one all at once? Because remembering just one was too much for me.” 

“I hope not, wolfie but I’ll help you again anyway.”

“You are too good for me,” Siyeon whispered, biting her bottom lip, “Should we tell the others?” 

Bora tilted her head to side, her expression thoughtful, “I don’t know if they would believe us.”

“But- But this bond… I felt it with Yoo, I felt it with you, and Minji and Yubin. They have to feel it too right?” 

“I’m not sure, wolfie. I don’t want them to think we are crazy.”

Siyeon didn’t want to burden anyone. Especially Minji. She would have to tell her she failed to keep her promise and killed herself then Minji couldn’t stand the pain and committed a suicide. Did she really want her to know that? 

She would have to tell Gahyeon she wasn’t her sister, tell Yoohyeon she was the reason Minji left her, tell Handong she was the reason Bora left. It was all her fault that their lives turned upside down.

However; it was their lives too. Didn’t they deserve to know?

Bora continued, “Let’s think about that when you are feeling better, alright?”

“Okay.”

“I like your parents.” Bora smiled heartily.

Siyeon chuckled, “They interrogated you, Bora,”

“If you think my parents won’t interrogate you, you are terribly mistaken.”

The thought of meeting her girlfriend’s parents made Siyeon choke on her saliva. In the old life they were like the parents she never had but she had no idea how they were in this one.

Bora continued, “One thing for sure, they’ll love you for bringing me back to Korea. They’ve been begging for ages.” 

“That’s… a relief. How are they like in this life?”

“Not as rich as before.” Bora pouted and Siyeon wanted to kiss it. “But still good, happy together, decent jobs.”

“I-I’m glad, mine are not rich either.” 

Bora raised her eyebrow, “Have you seen the house we’re in?”

“For your information, it was their parent’s house, it’s old. We- we didn’t come here too much, we preferred tents.”

“Tents over this house… no I can’t relate.” Bora laughed softly.

“I’ll take you camping one day. You’ll see it’s better.”

They stayed in the tub until the water got too cold, it was usually Bora who did the talking, to make Siyeon smile or laugh and it worked as always.

When they entered the bedroom with bathrobes on their bodies, Bora leaned up to kiss Siyeon softly which was reciprocated instantly. Bora kissed her with so much love and tenderness that it stole Siyeon’s senses.

Bora was about to pull away but Siyeon wanted more. She thought if she could overcome her insecurity, it would be one step closer to recovering. 

Siyeon deepened the kiss, kissed her desperately, passionately until Bora managed to pull away to breathe. 

“Siyeon, I don’t think you are ready, sweetheart. I’m not going any-“

Siyeon crashed her lips on her girlfriend’s to cut her off, to show her this was exactly what she wanted. “Please… please Bora,”

“Wolfie, I don’t want to overwhelm you.” Bora placed a soft kiss on her nose, “What if you have another attack?”

“I-I won’t. I just- I need you,” Siyeon whispered. “Make me feel safe… please,”

“You are safe.” Bora easily slid the robe off her shoulder to the floor, caressing every inch of flesh and Siyeon resisted the need to cover her body but it didn’t last long because Bora easily picked her up and laid her on the bed, crawled on top of her. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, okay?”

Bora took off her robe too, and pressed her body against Siyeon as she captured her mouth again. Skin to skin. It was such a good feeling that Siyeon never wanted her to move. 

“Siyeon I still don’t think you are ready…” Bora murmured.

“Please, Bora, please,” 

Make me feel beautiful again.

Bora gave in with a sigh, her mouth descended on the side of her neck slowly, “Tell me,” she whispered as she suckled that weak spot just beneath her ear, “if it gets too much.”

Siyeon leaned her head back to give her easier access, mewing her pleasure in the back of her throat, drunk with desire.

Her tenderness never failed to amaze her.

Bora kissed a trail down her chest and Siyeon sucked a deep breath between her teeth, her body igniting with need but Bora took it the wrong way.

“What’s wrong? Do I need to stop?” She gazed up at her concern in her eyes. 

“Don’t,” Siyeon muttered.

Bora’s hand moved up her side, hesitantly, afraid to overwhelm her, and her lips to her breast. Siyeon’s back arched, her taut nipple offered to her mouth and when she finally tugged it between her teeth, Siyeon gasped and squirmed underneath her.

Memories of their first sex in the art studio flashed through her eyes but she quickly shoved it away. She didn’t want anything to ruin this moment.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Bora whispered on her wet nipple causing her to shift her body asking for more. She kissed the soft globes, her tongue sliding over her nipples. Her face was flushed; her eyelids heavy with desire.

Would she ever get used to it? 

“B-Bora, please,” 

Bora kissed every inch of her body, there was no place that wasn’t kissed other than between her legs, and it left Siyeon whining and craving her attention elsewhere. “t-touch me, please,” she begged.

“Siyeon…”

It was clear that Bora was too scared to do something wrong but Siyeon just wanted to feel intimate and close to her girlfriend. 

A reminder that she was loved and beautiful.

“I’m okay,” Siyeon kissed her softly and took Bora’s hand to guide it down where it belongs. “touch me, please I need you to touch me.”

Siyeon’s belly tightened when Bora’s fingers parted her swollen flesh, she rubbed her clit very softly, coating her fingers with her juices as she suckled her neck, “No one is going to hurt you ever again.” She bit her earlobe and slid a finger into her pussy. “You are safe.”

Siyeon gasped in delight followed by a moan, her eyes clenched shut. “you p-promise?” 

“I promise.” Bora breathed out and kissed her passionately that stole Siyeon’s breath away while Bora thrusted her finger way too slow.

“Bora…” She pleaded her body writhing in need of more but Bora didn’t seem to care. She continued her torment with slow thrusts, rubbing the hood of her clit with her thumb occasionally and kept marking her neck with gentle sucks.

Siyeon squirmed with impatience as Bora shifted her mouth to other side of her neck, pinched her nipple unexpectedly and Siyeon cried out.

“Everything good, sweetheart?” Bora muttered against her neck, soothing the bruises she made with her tongue.

“Yes,” Siyeon shuddered and rocked her hips to match with Bora’s thrusts, pleasure building in her belly. 

“You are so beautiful,” The low rumble of her voice sent shivers down her spine. 

When Bora withdrew her finger, Siyeon choked back a sob of protest but feeling Bora’s warm breath on her clit made her cry out again.

Bora drew the hard nub between her lips and flicked it with her tongue until Siyeon moaned loudly in ecstasy. She swirled her tongue inside her, deep, then withdrew and turned her attention back to her clit.

Siyeon’s body tensed, tears filling in her eyes with impending orgasm as Bora turned her attention to her slippery pussy. God her tongue was too talented.

Two fingers entered her body while Bora sucked at her swollen lips, thrusting slowly not enough to give her the release she desperately needed.

Siyeon panted for air, her hips rocking involuntarily against her fingers. “P-please!” 

Her cries of excitement built as she picked up her tempo, Bora sucked and licked her juices which were flowing freely.

Her pleasure built to climax in no time as her girlfriend’s fingers rubbed the right spot every time they plunged into her body, her tongue dancing on her flesh hungrily.

After few more thrusts, Siyeon screamed with release her head falling back in ecstasy, Bora’s fingers slowed down to help her ride out of her orgasm. 

“My girl,” Bora licked her clean and removed her fingers carefully, crawling on top of her, “My beautiful,” she kissed her and Siyeon could taste herself in her mouth, “My wolfie.”

Bora covered them with a blanket and held Siyeon close as she tried to calm her breathing. “Promise me that you won’t leave me.”

“I’d never leave you. Not on our previous life, not on this life, not on the next one. Never.” Bora kissed her temple.

“How bad would it be if we slept all day?” Siyeon murmured, snuggling closer in Bora’s arms. 

“I think I love that idea very much.”

The next morning Bora woke up with a text sound on her phone. She ignored it to watch her naked girlfriend curled up in a fetal position on the other side of the bed. 

After Bora got her memories back, her nightmares had stopped and she didn’t have flashbacks nor attacks like Siyeon did but again, her life was completely different. She hoped she was having a peaceful sleep.

Her old father was a dick who got off from abusing his daughter and when Siyeon got a flashback of him, collapsed on the floor crying Bora wanted nothing more than to go back and kill him herself.

If only Handong hadn’t stopped her in that life.

He wasn’t worth going to jail for but she couldn’t stand the idea of someone harming Siyeon. 

Bora could see how hard Siyeon was trying to fight her demons, to overcome these new emotions from the past. 

It was still there though.

Siyeon still felt uneasy to see people, to go outside alone, she still thought people were going to bully her. Bora knew that feeling wouldn’t go away for a while.

Even in the bathroom, Bora saw how insecure she felt with her body. She was literally a goddess on earth, too beautiful to be real but she couldn’t see that.

Bora knew why Siyeon wanted to have sex, she just wanted to feel beautiful again, to remind herself how much she was loved, to get over her insecurity.

She was trying her best and Bora couldn’t be prouder.

Bora didn’t mind ordering her to do things, that was how they worked in their old life, Siyeon’s father made sure she obeyed every order or rule. That was how she was in general. And that came back.

Temporarily or permanently, she had no idea. 

It was okay though, Bora had a feeling she would break through. If not, she wouldn’t hesitate to get professional help.

It was unusual for both of them to sleep for almost a day but with everything they both went through, it was understandable. 

She yawned and grabbed her phone on the nightstand to check the message.

Send me your address we need to talk.


	14. The Truth

Send me your address, we need to talk.

Bora stared at the message from her best friend. What could she want to talk about?

There were so many possibilities. 

Siyeon’s condition? Their lives in Bora Bora? Yoohyeon? Moving back? Maybe she was angry for being kept in the dark. 

Bora knew better than to send her the address without making sure Siyeon was ready to see Minji. 

Another text popped up.

Bora, send me your address. Now.

Bora put the phone away and pulled Siyeon into her arms, causing her to open her eyes slowly at the sudden touch.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Bora whispered stroking Siyeon’s hair slowly. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Siyeon’s deep, husky voice sent shivers on Bora’s entire body and gazed up at her with those beautiful eyes Bora got lost in. 

“How are you feeling, my love?” Bora muttered, placing soft kisses on her nose, cheeks and lips.

Her kisses were rewarded with a smile from Siyeon, making Bora’s heart do a backflip. 

“I think I feel better… not great, but better.”

“Any voices?” Bora asked.

Siyeon shook her head and let out a relieved sigh, “No. I don’t hear it anymore,”

Thank god.

Bora cupped her cheeks and kissed her deeply. “You have no idea how happy it makes me.”

Siyeon’s soft laughter were music to Bora’s ears but she needed to ask the question, “Minji wants to come over… it sounds urgent.” 

Siyeon’s body tensed for a moment but relaxed again as she debated if she was ready. “Okay.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Can I take a shower first?” 

Bora could feel the cold sweat on the back of her neck just thinking of sending Siyeon to the bathroom alone.

“Leave the door open, please.” Bora demanded and Siyeon nodded her head.

She watched her girlfriend hurry to the bathroom butt naked, and heard the water turn on. 

Okay, Siyeon could do it without harming herself. She didn’t even stutter once. 

She decided to call Minji while she waited Siyeon to get out of the shower.

She answered at the first ring.

“I’m waiting on the address.”

“What’s wrong?” She did sound angry. Bora thought what she did wrong but she couldn’t think of any.

“I have to talk to you.”

“Can’t you wait? Siyeon needs me.”

“Both of you.”

“Why?”

“Bora. Address.”

Bora sighed, and hung up the phone to text her the address just as Siyeon stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body.

A towel that Bora wanted to take off. 

But this time could really overwhelm Siyeon so she swallowed her hunger. “I guess Minji will be here in few hours. Are you really okay?”

“Of course, Bora she is my- she was my best friend.” Siyeon said while she put on underwear, sweatpants and a hoodie.

After a quick shower, Bora put on comfortable clothes and made her way downstairs to find Siyeon sitting on the front porch with her eyes closed. 

She really did love nature. 

She wanted to know everything that her girlfriend was thinking at the moment but she gave her space to think while she made them breakfast.

“Singnie come here, let’s eat.” Bora called out but Siyeon didn’t acknowledge her. “Wolfie, come on.”

“I’m not really hungry, Bora,” 

Not again. No. “Siyeon, let’s eat.” Bora tried again but with a demanding tone. She sighed when Siyeon reluctantly stood up to come inside and sit on the chair.

It kind of hurt Bora that only ordering her to do something got her to actually do it. God she hated her father with passion. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Just… Minji… Do you think she is mad at me?” Siyeon muttered under her breath.

“No. No she isn’t mad at you, sweetheart.”

Siyeon’s eyes beamed with relief after Bora assured her, “Really?”

“Yes. I promise. Now eat, please.”

Whenever something bothered Siyeon, she shared it with Bora and it made her want to scream. She never shared it with Bora in their old life. She always had to demand it or wait till Siyeon wanted to share.

It felt so good to be able to help. Not to feel helpless.

They both didn’t want to make the same mistakes.

They spent about an hour or so chatting about anything and everything, when a knock interrupted them. 

Bora squeezed Siyeon’s hand and went to the front door to open it, revealing her best friend. 

“Hello, love birds.” Minji invited herself in, walked straight to the kitchen. She followed her best friend and just as Minji was about to hug Siyeon, Bora stood between them to prevent the hug and urged her to sit.

She wasn’t sure how Siyeon would react to human touch other than Bora’s.

“Hey Singnie.” Minji said, using the nickname Bora told her to use during her attack. Which made Bora roll her eyes. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better, thanks.” Siyeon mumbled, pinching the back of her hand. 

She was nervous but still no stutter. 

Why was she even nervous?

Bora started to put the dishes in the sink and Minji continued, “I’m glad, I got really worried.”

“I’m okay,”

As soon as Bora finished, Minji nodded towards the chair. “Sit, Bora.”

Bora rolled her eyes again at Minji’s order but obeyed. She was here for a reason not to chit-chat so it’d be best to get it over with.

“I know what’s going on.” Minji said with a serious face. “Don’t you dare to lie your way out of it.” 

Bora could see how rigid Siyeon became at the cold tone Minji used so she sent her a glare, hoping she’d get the hint. 

Thankfully, she did. 

“Listen, I may be going crazy,” Minji said softly, “And I think I am but it’s starting to make sense.”

“What is?” Bora asked.

“You were rambling about being dead because Siyeon killed herself and we followed... Then Siyeon had a breakdown, she thought she couldn’t kill herself but she felt her death.” Minji tilted her head, “Your personality changed drastically after that day. Siyeon’s personality changed too after her breakdown.” Minji paused before continuing, “I feel the ache in my bones whenever we do bungee jumping. As if I die. You said we jumped off a rooftop. It wasn’t a nightmare was it? Don’t lie to me. Explain what the fuck happened.”

Shit.

Bora should’ve known this was bound to happen. Minji wasn’t stupid. She witnessed both break downs. Of course she connected the dots. 

Siyeon’s eyes widened as she turned her head to Bora in shock but Bora was tongue-tied too. 

“Bora? Siyeon? I know it wasn’t a nightmare Bora and I know what Siyeon said to her parents were full of lies. In your nightmare someone died in your arms… that someone was Siyeon? Because when Siyeon was going through it she said you weren’t supposed to save her and you said you couldn’t. Tell me.” 

When Bora looked at her girlfriend, she saw her nod, “Tell her,”

Why me?

“Uh- are you going to believe us?” Bora asked.

“Yes.”

“We- we- um… we both-“ words couldn’t form in her mouth. What if Minji thought they were crazy and didn’t want to talk to them anymore?

“We remembered our old lives.” Siyeon finished it for her which caught Bora off guard. Damn. Okay.

She waited Minji to burst into laughter, make fun of them, ask for the real reason but all she got was a shocked and confused expression. 

Minji’s jaw dropped, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Maybe we should call others to come too. If we’re going to tell her, we should tell everyone.”

“Well, I promised Gahyeon I’d tell her so…” Siyeon responded. 

Should she tell Handong? She barely knew Bora, and Bora didn’t get the chance to introduce her friends. 

“What about Dongie?” Bora asked.

“Don’t you want your best friend back?”

“But she barely knows me, what if I scare her and she never wants to talk to me again?” Bora looked down at her lap and pouted. 

“Hey, if she doesn’t want to talk to you it’s her loss. You are amazing, Bora. It’s your choice.”

Siyeon still hadn’t stuttered and she even tried to make Bora feel better. Was her personality breaking out? Was she finally overcoming her old self? 

Bora prayed that she was.

She thought of what to do with Handong. She could tell her, cross her fingers and hope she believed. Maybe she felt the bond too.

She had to, it was hard to ignore.

But again, was she willing to take the risk and possibly lose her all over again?

Well… It was worth the shot. Better than living while pretending. That'd hurt her more.

Like Siyeon would say, it was their lives too, they deserved to know. Minji already figured it out.

“I want to tell her too.”

“Excuse me, hello, I’m still here?” Minji interrupted their silent conversation.

“Minji, you have to wait till the rest come here. Siyeon tell your sister to gather everyone, I’ll text Dongie.”

“Okay.”

Minji just watched them in complete shock, still trying to comprehend what Siyeon meant while they texted their friends. It was a hilarious moment to see Minji in trance, deep in thought but it was not the time to laugh.

It didn’t take long for Gahyeon, Yubin and Yoohyeon to arrive in the lake house. They even brought alcohol and lots of snacks. They must’ve thought it was a sleep over or something. 

God, Bora needed a drink for what they were about to do.

Siyeon greeted them and actually, genuinely smiled at them. She didn’t hide behind Bora, she didn’t have a panic attack for having too many people in the house, she still didn’t stutter. 

While Bora was busy watching Siyeon across the room, just talking with her sister on the couch, she heard Minji’s voice.

“When is Handong coming?” 

“Soon, I guess.”

Minji followed her gaze, “She looks better.”

“She is better. She will get through it.”

“Get through what exactly?”

“Patience, Minji.”

“Are you finally going to tell us what happened?” Gahyeon asked.

Siyeon nodded and looked up to see Bora’s eyes on her. She sent her girlfriend a smile, to assure her that she was okay.

She wasn’t pretending, she really felt better than she did yesterday.

She was getting there. 

Little by little.

Even being around 5 people with ease was a progress.

“We brought alcohol.” Yubin said grinning like a kid.

They were going to need alcohol for sure.

The door rang, indicating Handong’s arrival. 

Her heart thudded rapidly, it really was happening. Was it too late to back down? 

But no. They deserved to know.

When Handong walked inside, she stayed behind Bora and avoided Siyeon’s eyes. Poor Dongie, with her first hello to the group Siyeon lost it.

“I feel like I shouldn’t say hello to her,” Siyeon heard Handong whisper in Bora’s ear. 

“Hello Handong.” Siyeon chuckled softly. 

“Are you feeling better?” Handong asked, taking off her jacket. 

Siyeon noticed Dongie brought alcohol too. What did they think they were going to do? Open a club?

“I’m getting there. I’ll be okay.” Siyeon answered honestly.

Siyeon introduced all of her friends one by one to Handong. 

“We kind of got to know each other while you were…” Handong bit her bottom lip nervously.

“I’m glad, Dongie.”

“Why did you want me to come exactly?”

“We want to explain what happened to me, to us.” Siyeon pointed at Bora who was pouring wine for both of them.

Bora came to her side and sat down on the couch, “I know we don’t day drink but I think we need it. Are you sure?” she whispered in her ear.

“Yes.” She took the glass from her hand and snuggled closer to Bora. 

Minji was tapping her foot furiously and Siyeon knew if they didn’t explain soon, she was going to explode like a volcano.

“So… how are you guys? Long time no see?” Bora said sarcastically and the only person laughing in the room was Siyeon. 

It was funny.

Maybe she was too smitten but Bora was effortlessly funny. 

“Bora.” Minji warned.

“Alright, fine, if you insist…”

“Have you guys felt a strong bond towards each other? Like a pull towards someone, tingles in your stomach and all that.” Siyeon asked to the group.

There was an awkward silence at first, everyone looked at each other uneasily.

“I felt it with you, Siyeon. There was this incredible pull towards you… like I was supposed to be protecting you, like you were my long lost sister.” Minji said.

Siyeon smiled at her best friend, it was normal Minji felt that way, what they had was stronger than any bond. They were family.

“When I first met Yubin, it was almost as if she had a magnet and I was drawn to it.” Gahyeon said.

“Oh yeah, then she panicked.” Yubin chuckled.

“That story sounds similar,” Siyeon looked at her girlfriend who was blushing like a tomato.

“I did not panic.” Bora huffed.

“Sure.” Siyeon kissed her cheek and smiled softly. They both knew it was a lie, Bora couldn’t stop panicking and stuttering until their second or third date. 

“I felt it with Minji…” Yoohyeon whispered shyly. “When you came to our apartment, I-“

“All I wanted was to stare at you till my eyes melted.” Minji finished it for both of them.

“No offence to anyone in the room but I think I only felt a pull towards Bora. Especially when we met in person, it was just so natural, so comfortable, I felt like I could tell you all of my secrets.” Handong said.

Siyeon could see the tears filling in Bora’s eyes but she managed to hide them, “It makes me happy, Dongie.”

Siyeon let out a relieved sigh that she wasn’t wrong about the bond.

“But what does it have to do with anything?” Minji asked impatiently. 

“What do you think happens after you die?” Bora asked casually as if she was just making small talk. 

“I believe in heaven or hell.” Handong said.

Yubin and Yoohyeon nodded, agreeing on heaven or hell but Minji was just staring into nothing. She looked deep in thought, trying to connect everything.

At last Minji finally muttered, “Reincarnation.”

She didn’t expect to see Gahyeon agree on that. “It could be a possibility… or there is just nothing after you die.”

“What if… what if we tell you we all… all of us… seven of us…” Bora kept rambling until Siyeon poked her side. “That we, somehow, reincarnated?” 

Siyeon looked at them individually. 

Gahyeon was just staring at Siyeon, her eyebrows frowned, expression thoughtful.

Minji’s gaze was on the floor, tears forming in her eyes as she finally made sense of everything. She was there with both break downs. When Bora wasn’t herself, she basically told her everything. That Siyeon was dead, they were too.

It wasn’t hard for Minji to realize they weren’t lying.

Yoohyeon and Yubin shared a look which Siyeon couldn’t figure out what it meant. 

Handong’s expression was unreadable.

The tension in the room was so thick that Siyeon felt like she couldn’t breathe. Of course they didn’t believe it, who would? They shouldn’t have said anything.

“What do you mean reincarnation? All of us?” Handong muttered, her voice sounded so small.

“Like a second life?” Gahyeon looked like someone punched her in the stomach.

Bora nodded to the group, “Yeah a second life.”

“You are not fucking with us? How do you even know?” Yubin questioned. 

Minji was utterly silent and it was making Siyeon anxious.

“We are not joking Yubin. I remembered a while back and Siyeon remembered few days ago.”

“The break down?” Gahyeon said, “This is so… surreal.”

“Yeah, it came back to me after our first sex. Siyeon used to call me ‘little bird’ and she said it right before I fell asleep-“

“I don’t even know why I called you that, it just came out.” Siyeon mumbled.

“And everything came to me in my sleep. I think it was my trigger. I’m guessing Handong triggered Siyeon. When all seven of us were in the same room.” Bora added, “The worst part is she was awake when it happened so she felt everything.”

“Do we all have triggers or something?” Gahyeon questioned. 

“We don’t know.” Bora shrugged. 

“Bora. You said, we jumped off a rooftop after Siyeon killed herself. You said we. You and me. I committed suicide?” Minji asked weakly.

Okay, moment of truth. 

What could possibly go wrong, right? Siyeon killed herself, Minji and Bora followed, leaving everyone to live with the loss of three dear friends.

Piece of cake.

This was giving her a massive headache.

“Do you even believe us?” Bora asked to change the subject.

Siyeon held her breath waiting for the answers. After a moment of silence, they nodded uneasily, it could take a while to digest all of the information but at least they didn’t think they were crazy. 

“After what I’ve witnessed, I do. It’s a lot to take in. It’s too much but it makes sense.” Minji said.

“Yeah… if I hadn’t seen you like that unnie I don’t think I would’ve believed you but…” Gahyeon didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to. 

“It’s really… weird? If it’s the right word for it.” Handong whispered, “Are you sure you are not joking?” 

“No we are not joking.” Bora rolled her eyes, “Have you not seen what Siyeon went through? Do you think that was a joke? To prank you?” 

Silence. 

Siyeon could cut the tension in the room, seriously.

“I don’t understand why did you kill yourself, Siyeon? Bora? Me?” Minji filled the silence with her question.

Good question. 

“Uh… I had bipolar disorder. Depression. Abusive parent. Voices in my head. It got too much.” Siyeon’s heart sank and she shrunk smaller in her spot.

“I followed her because she was the love of my life. You followed her because she was your childhood friend.” Bora continued for her.

“I wanted you to live a better life…” Siyeon hid her face behind Bora’s shoulder and sniffled. She wasn’t going to cry again. “You took care of me all of my life. You were my only family.”

“This is insane,” Gahyeon muttered under her breath. “After your break down, you were rambling about not being dead?” 

“Well because, you go back to the last moment of your life when it happens. I knew my girlfriend was dead and I was dead too but Siyeon didn’t. That’s why she freaked out. She thought the cut wasn’t fatal. And your old personality comes back. Sticks with you for a while too. Everything just suddenly… comes back. She went back to being that bipolar girl who just wanted to…die.” Bora explained the best she could.

“And you forget this life for few hours, you live in the old one.” Siyeon added.

More silence.

“That explains your behavior,” Gahyeon said, “I guess I wasn’t your sister?”

“Not by blood, no, but you were like my sister.”

“I think I need alcohol.” Yubin stood up to go to the kitchen and Handong followed her to help.

Siyeon could hear them whisper about the new trunk load information.

After few minutes, Handong put the shot glasses on the table and they all sat around it as Yubin poured tequila to all of them. 

Almost instantly, everyone finished their first shots in one gulp while Siyeon just sipped on her wine. 

“Back to business.” Minji started, “I have so many questions… why don’t you just tell us the whole story?”

“From the start.” Gahyeon said.

“Okay, so Minji and I met when I was 7, you were 8. You protected me from everything… from my abusive father-“

“That’s what you saw? When you were having another attack?” Gahyeon mumbled. 

“Yeah. He’d always say he’d hurt Minji if I disobeyed…” Siyeon swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes filling with tears again, her breathing got heavier just by thinking of him. 

“Hey, look at me,” Bora cupped her cheeks and turned Siyeon’s head towards her, “Breathe.” 

Siyeon filled her lungs with air and exhaled shakily, “It’s fine. I can do it.” She melted in Bora’s touch, leaning against her palm, “I can do it.” 

“It’s okay if you can’t-“

“I can.” Siyeon kissed her palm and continued, “Anyway… Minji and I were best friends, inseparable and then Minji met Yoo in university. It took a while but I got used to her.”

“That was uncalled for,” Yoohyeon rolled her eyes playfully.

“I could never talk to strangers Yoo. I always felt overwhelmed by people.”

“I understand.” Yoohyeon sent her a heartwarming smile.

“Then you met Handong in a gallery or something, where was it?” Siyeon asked to Bora.

“The art gallery in our building. For students. They met when Yoohyeon accidently knocked over a painting.” Bora laughed.

“She didn’t say that part.” Siyeon shook her head smiling at her clumsiness, “she just said she met a nice girl and she was coming to lunch.” 

“She is still clumsy.” Gahyeon face palmed herself.

“Shush.” Yoohyeon slightly pinched her arm.

“I was studying art? Makes sense, actually.” Handong laughed. 

Bora smiled heartily, “You were my childhood friend, Dongie. We were so close, always together, lived together. That’s why… that’s why I apologized when we met. I had to leave you.” Bora’s smile disappeared.

“Your girlfriend,” Handong looked at Siyeon, “killed herself and you had to go… I understand now. Still sounds so crazy… but I still forgive you Bora. You had your reasons.”

“Thank you…” Bora’s eyes beamed with joy, “Anyway, you basically dragged me to their table but I’m so glad you did. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Bora kissed Siyeon’s temple. “I got to meet her.”

Siyeon’s cheeks turned red, “Then uh- Yoo met Yubin. Yubin met Gahyeon. Our pack was born.” Siyeon finished her story with a clap.

“Those are only the good parts, aren’t they?” Minji asked.

Bora nodded, “Then Siyeon started to… uh lose the fight. We all tried to help but…”

The guilt and regret washed over her again, tears falling freely from her eyes as she remembered how they all used to come to the apartment to help her but she was too lost, far gone to be helped.

“Singnie it’s not your fault,” Bora wiped her tears with her thumb, “You couldn’t control your mental illness. If anything, it’s my fault for not getting you help.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Siyeon buried her head on the crook of Bora’s neck. Her scent always calmed her down. “You saved me in many ways Bora.” She took a deep breath and nodded against her neck, telling her it’s okay to go on.

“And uh… She lost the fight eventually. She took her life and we-” Bora’s voice cracked, she coughed to cover it up, “Minji and I found her. It was too late.”

Minji looked so lost in her own world. She was probably thinking why the hell she killed herself for a stranger.

Siyeon closed her eyes and let them sink in the information. The only sound in the room was just Siyeon’s rapid breathing and some whispers between each other. 

She was going to have a panic attack just by thinking she’d lose her friends. 

Bora’s held her tighter, rubbing circles on her back soothingly, “Deep breaths.”

Siyeon obeyed, took a deep breath like her girlfriend instructed, then another and another one after that till her breathing slowed down.

“That’s good, sweetheart.” 

“Why did you say fuck you to me?” Minji raised her eyebrows. “And why rooftop? Why not something less painful?”

“You snapped at her just the night before she- yeah that’s why.” Bora said instead of her. 

“You were just trying to help…” Siyeon whispered, her gaze on the surface. “I’m sorry,”

“And rooftop because Siyeon loved it there.”

Oh.

So, they jumped off a rooftop just because Siyeon loved to spend time there? Why? 

A muffled sob escaped her lips, she covered her face with her hands and stormed out from the living room to the garden. 

She couldn’t breathe.

They chose rooftop because of Siyeon. Died in agony because of Siyeon. Didn’t get to live because of Siyeon.

And now there was a possibility that Minji hated her. The girl she ended her life for. Maybe she thought Siyeon wasn’t worth it and she regretted even meeting Siyeon.

She fell to her knees on the dirt and let the force of sobs take over her body. She needed to let it out. If she held everything inside, she’d explode. It never ended well.

“Singnie,” She was pulled in someone’s arms and she’d know this scent everywhere. Her best friend.

“It’s okay,” Minji whispered and let Siyeon cry her heart out, while she stroked her hair. “I may not remember… but I know I don’t regret dying to be with you. Don’t ask me how, I just feel it.” 

“B-but I made your life a living h-hell… you were supposed to live… be with your girl…”

“My girl?”

“Y-Yoohyeon, you were supposed to live together…” Siyeon sniffled against Minji’s shirt and saw Bora behind her along with her friends, watching the scene. “Name your kids after me…”

A scene Bora was familiar with, but it was new to their friends.

The fact that Minji came to calm her down instead of Bora, meant a lot to Siyeon.

“For what’s worth… I found her again didn’t I?” Minji sent Yoohyeon a smile, “where we have better lives… isn’t that right?”

“M-Maybe but-“ 

“No buts, Singnie. It’s all so crazy… hard to take in right now but we are alive, baby. You found your girl, I think I found mine. Bora found her best friend… I found mine.” Minji pulled her head back to look her in the eyes, “The urge to protect you was so strong, I thought I was going crazy. I didn’t feel that way to Bora or anyone else. But from the moment I saw you, I knew you were my family somehow.” Minji smiled at her softly, “Your life… our lives… from what you said, it was unbearable. Right? I can’t blame you for wanting peace… for wanting to be free. During your break down, apparently when you were remembering, I have never felt so helpless. But as crazy as it sounds, it also felt so familiar. If that’s how you had to live… I understand why you had to do it. I forgive you for leaving me. Leave that guilt now, okay? I forgive you. You are my best friend soul mate. I’m so glad I found you again.”

“Y-you had to watch me have attacks so many times… of course it felt familiar,” Siyeon whispered, her vision blurry because of the tears. “I’m so sorry… I won’t leave you again Minji, you were my first, my best friend, my saver, you are my everything... I missed you so much,” Siyeon wrapped her arms around her best friend’s neck. 

“Your first? That’s interesting,” Minji hugged her back as she sent Bora a wink, making her roll her eyes.

“I-I didn’t want to die a virgin so,” Siyeon murmured and tightened her hug, “I’m so sorry,”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m here now, I won’t let anything happen to you again.”

She was forgiven.

She felt like she could finally breathe. 

After staying in her arms for what felt like hours, her knees were starting to get numb. 

She felt a hug behind her, and she knew it was Bora. Then another hug beside her, and another, and another until all six of them were hugging Siyeon in one big circle.

“We got you,”

“We love you,” 

She heard loving words from each of them, praising her, assuring her that they still loved her.

She never felt so loved in her entire (both) lives. Not like this. She was worth it, she was loved, cherished, appreciated and cared. 

She didn’t have friends.

She had family.

“Okay let’s give her time to breathe please,” Bora announced and stood up from the floor, helping her girlfriend to stand up too.

With one last smile from everyone, they left the couple alone, Bora leaned up to kiss her lips softly, “How are you feeling?” 

“I can’t believe they believed us…” Siyeon whispered, “We got them back, Bora. Minji forgave me,” 

“We got our pack back, wolfie.” Bora smiled, her eyes disappearing, “Dongie forgave me too.”

“Who do you think is the alpha? Still Minji?” Siyeon let out a chuckle as she wiped her cheeks.

“Still me.” 

Siyeon rolled her eyes and kissed her girlfriend deeply. “I love you. I love you so much, Kim Bora.”

“I love you so much, Lee Siyeon.”

“In every life?”

“In every life, sweetheart.”

They spent the entire evening talking about their old lives, each person asking a different question about themselves, Bora and Siyeon telling them every memory they could think of.

They cried, laughed, drank and got drunk together. 

Their friends were overwhelmed with the information but the alcohol helped. At the end of the night, all of them knew the old life as if they remembered it.

Siyeon and Bora didn’t miss a detail no matter how painful it was.

She wouldn’t change it for the world.

Yes, it was going to take some time to adjust to this life, to let go of old habits but she got her family to help her every step of the way.

She was going to accept their help this time. She wouldn’t shut them out, keep herself behind closed doors. 

Once a wolf has a mate, they stay together for better or worse, through sickness and health, until death do them part. It was a fact. They mate for life. If their mate die, the other would follow.

And wolves develop such strong bonds for their family and other loved ones, they’d sacrifice themselves for the survival of the pack.

In a way, that was what Siyeon did. She sacrificed herself for her pack to have a good life. It backfired but she had a chance to fix it.

Each and every one of them felt that strong bond between each other and from today, it would only get stronger.

There were no secrets between them anymore, no more lies. 

A rough path was awaiting them, she felt a little frightened about what would come next but she embraced the uncertainty. She would create her own path to happiness. No more wasting time with regret.

She was going to enjoy this life, enjoy the present, each and every moment. Bad or good. Because she may not get another life to fix her mess again.

And if she ever got lost, she knew she could trust her family to guide her back on her path. 

She was not a lone wolf anymore.

Tell the wolves, Siyeon thought, I’m home.


	15. Epilogue

Siyeon was late again.

It wouldn’t be a big deal, except today was their first anniversary and Bora cooked a nice, romantic meal, Siyeon’s favorite to be exact and she was late for it.

She mostly spent her time with either Minji or Gahyeon so she couldn’t complain much about it but it would be nice to have company in their anniversary, especially after everything they’ve been through.

Today was supposed to be special. Her present, a wolf hat she knew Siyeon would love, was neatly wrapped and waiting to be opened. 

She poured herself wine, and sat on the couch as she took a big gulp from it. If it was their old life, she would’ve been worried sick but… they didn’t live long enough for the first anniversary.

Her sulking was interrupted with a phone call from unknown number. Maybe it was Siyeon and her battery died out, she could have a decent excuse for being late.

“Hello?”

“Is this Kim Bora?”

“…Who is this?”

“You are in Lee Siyeon’s emergency contact. I’ve called to inform you that she had been in a car accident and she is in the local hospital.”

No, no, no.

This couldn’t be happening. 

Not again.

God, please no… 

“I-I’ll be right there.” 

Bora hung up the phone with shaky hands. She was supposed to run in a lighting speed to be with her girlfriend but she was frozen. She dropped the wine glass in her hand. Before her brain could register the sound as breaking glass, the images of Siyeon wrist cut open, laying in her own blood in the bathroom flashed through her eyes.

She was too sad to cry or wail, so she just stood there, eyes closed, the previous life playing like a broken record in her mind, as still as a statue as the loss of her girlfriend swept over her.

They were supposed to live happily ever after. 

That’s why they had a second chance.

Maybe not.

Maybe this was their destiny. 

Bora knew if something happened to Siyeon, she would follow her again without a doubt. 

She had to go. It could be her last time to say goodbye, to say she would meet her again in another life, to kiss one last time.

She snapped out of her trance, it was best not to drive. She called a cab and waited outside for it to arrive. 

She was prepared to see the worst, hear the worst, she had been through it once. But she was not prepared to say goodbye one more time.

They didn’t find each other in another life just to die again.

No.

The cab arrived and Bora got in, giving the driver the location and she even bribed him to drive a little faster than usual.

Universe… I know you didn’t bring us back together to kill one of us again… please let her be okay… She silently prayed. 

When the cab arrived, she quickly payed him and made her way inside the hospital, but she came to a stop as soon as she inhaled the hideous smell of the hospital.

Where Siyeon died.

She wanted to run, she wanted to hide, be anywhere but here. Her previous life went down the hill here. It was about to happen again.

Her lips started to tremble, the watery tears blurring her vision, it was getting hard to breathe in this goddamn hospital where she saw Siyeon’s body under a white blanket, like a piece of trash.

“Ma’am are you okay, do you need help?” A nurse asked Bora, watching her closely to see any injurie.

“Siyeon,” It was lower than a whisper, her throat felt too dry to speak. “Lee Siyeon. I’m- I’m here for Lee Siyeon.”

“The car accident patient? Please follow me. You must be Kim Bora.”

The nurse started walking towards wherever Siyeon was. It could even be morgue. Bora wiped her eyes with the back of her hand to clear her vision and followed the nurse.

“Is-Is she- is she okay?” Bora asked, dreading the next words the nurse would say.

“I’m afraid I don’t know much about her condition.” The nurse replied, sliding a curtain to reveal her girlfriend sitting on a bed.

Siyeon looked up at her with a crooked smile, “I’m sorry, I think I wrecked my car.” 

She was alive. She had stitches on her forehead, her lip was split and there were some bruises on her face but she was alive.

Even though Siyeon was alive and somewhat well, the pain of the previous life crushed her all over again. It left her broken in and out. 

“Bora, I’m okay. I’m alive.”

“She has a concussion and needed stitches but other than that she is good to go. Keep a close eye on her and come again next week for a follow up. If she starts to vomit repeatedly, have balance problems, persistent or worsening headache, speech changes, immediately seek for medical care.” The doctor said, Bora didn’t even realize he was here. 

She nodded her head and made a mental note in her head for everything he just said. She stepped closer to Siyeon and ran her thumb on Siyeon’s broken lip, watching her wince in pain.

“I thought-“ As much as she tried to hold it in and be strong for Siyeon, the tears started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. “You-“

“I know, but I’m okay. Come here.” Siyeon pulled her closer to hug her tightly as Bora silently cried. “I’m not leaving you. I promise. I’m alive.” 

“W-what happened?” Bora sniffled, gently touching the stitches on her forehead. 

“I didn’t want to run over a cat…”

“God, you are so stupid.” Bora kissed her lips lightly to not to hurt her broken lip. “I love you, I love you so much.”

“I love you so much more.” 

After several hours and follow up tests, she signed the discharge papers, they took a cab ride home. Bora was frequently watching Siyeon, her speech, her movements, her pupils. Other than the bruises she looked okay.

“You are not allowed to drive anymore, just saying.” Bora mumbled as she intertwined their fingers. 

“But I-“

“No.”

“Would you rather I ran over a cat?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I just can’t lose you again…“

“I know and you won’t.”

Bora leaned her head on Siyeon’s shoulder as she thanked the universe internally.

As soon as they arrived home, Bora sent her girlfriend to bed while she made her a cup of tea, (No caffeine!) and joined her in bed. 

“Are you okay?” Siyeon asked before taking a sip from her tea. “I know how hard it was for you. I’m so sorry…I’m sorry I ruined our anniversary, I was going to get a gift.”

“It’s okay, I’ve been through worse.” Bora whispered. “The best gift you can ever give me is being alive Siyeon.”

“That’s why I’m worried. I know you remembered… my death.”

It was crazy how Siyeon just understood everything Bora felt. It must be a soulmate thing or something. 

“Tell me something that happened in the past so I know your memory is okay.” Bora changed the subject before she started crying.

“This life or the other?” Siyeon chuckled.

“Both.”

“Well, I-“ Siyeon paused to think, “I don’t really have good memories in the old life but I remember being so star struck when you crashed our table.”

Bora laughed softly, “Is that why I had to fight for your attention for a whole month?”

“Hey I had my reasons.”

“Okay. Fair enough. This life.”

“Mm… I once saved a woman from getting harassed in my old club in Korea, it looked like you but what are the chances.” Siyeon shrugged, taking another sip from her tea and smiled at Bora.

Hold on. 

“When was it?”

“Before Yongsun sent me to Bora Bora.”

A laugh escaped Bora’s lips at the coincidence. Well, maybe not so coincidence after all. Holy shit. “You were my hero?” 

“That was you?” Siyeon’s eyes widened. “I knew it!” 

Universe did really try hard to bring them together. They were just strangers in the club but little did they know they were one harassment away from a life time happiness. 

Bora leaned in to kiss her girlfriend’s lips tenderly and very carefully. “Thank you for saving me.”

“I’ll save you in every life.”

“You look so beautiful Singnie.” Minji smiled as Siyeon stepped out of the dressing cabin with her cotton white, long enough to reach her ankles dress, with a white necklace completing her look perfectly. 

“This feels so surreal…” Siyeon muttered staring at herself in the mirror. Her dress was picked by Bora herself and Bora’s dress was picked by her.

After four years they were finally getting married. 

“I’m so happy to see you like this.” Minji kissed her cheek as she stood next to her in her pink bridesmaid dress. “I’m so proud of you, Singnie.” 

Siyeon chuckled, pinching the back of her hand. “Where is Yoo?” 

“Making sure there are no mistakes.” 

“I’m so happy for you both.” Siyeon smiled. “When are you going to ask the big question?”

“Soon. I want to be with her in every life too.”

“I know.” Siyeon smiled at seeing her best friend almost drooling at the mention of Yoohyeon. “It’s weird to be back in Bora Bora after all this time.” 

They were supposed to stay in the lake house for a week, then go back to Bora Bora to pack their shit and come back but Siyeon wasn’t ready to travel long distance with lots of people in the plane.

It was safe to say she pissed off both bosses, quitting over the phone with both of them. She wasn’t welcomed in neither of their clubs anymore. It was their loss.

They ended up staying in the lake house for few months until Siyeon recovered fully. Got her old personality back and let the old Siyeon die. 

All of her friends helped her get through the rough patch. 

There were still some things that stayed with her, even to this day. Such as flinching whenever someone moved too fast or when a group of people laughed near her, she still had a feeling in the back of her head that they laughed at her. It was such a big part of her old life that it just didn’t disappear no matter how hard she had tried.

She managed to control it though, she didn’t have panic attacks, she was able to leave the house without Bora after few months.

When Siyeon was ready and fully recovered, they finally went back to Bora Bora to get their stuff. It was a torture to go back and forth from Korea to Bora Bora. It took them almost a month to actually settle in their new home close to Gahyeon’s. 

Minji closed her shop and moved back with them but Siyeon knew she didn’t do it for Bora. She did it for Yoohyeon. Not long after they started dating, they moved in together. Siyeon couldn’t be happier for them.

Siyeon couldn’t get a job for a while due to circumstances, but Bora’s paintings were quite expensive. Whenever she sold even one of them they lived comfortably for months so she didn’t stress much about a job. Even in a completely new life Bora still took care of her. 

Now she was composing and writing lyrics for big artists. She was a well-respected song-writer in the industry. Everyone felt blessed and lucky to sing a song that the Lee Siyeon wrote. They even hired her as a vocal coach too. 

She didn’t want to be a big singer anymore, she was okay with staying behind the curtain, she didn’t want to be famous and have fans, all she wanted was to focus on her soon to be wife.

As promised, Siyeon was the inspiration for Bora’s paintings. There were no depressive ones anymore. There were only happy ones. 

“Bora, are you going to murder me?” Siyeon chuckled, as she held out her hand to nothingness, trying to walk with Bora’s help, her eyes were blindfolded by her beautiful girlfriend. 

“Oh yeah, you read my mind. I found you only to kill you myself this time.” Siyeon could hear the smirk in her tone, making her laugh in return. “Just a little bit!”

Bora dragged her from their home blindfolded, drove about 15 minutes before coming to a stop, only to drag her around more. 

Finally, Bora stopped her. She was smiling happily, she loved surprises and preparing surprises for her. Bora pecked her lips before taking off the blindfold.

She blinked a few times to adjust to the light, roaming her eyes around the room. It was the art gallery Bora was planning to open soon. There was only one big frame hanging on the wall with a sheet covering it. 

“Baby, what is this?” Siyeon smiled. A lot has changed since the last time Bora opened a gallery. Bora wasn’t feeling like a failure anymore. 

Bora giggled before taking off the sheet to reveal the painting she had made. 

There was a full moon in the background, a mountain covering half of it. But the sky wasn’t grey or foggy like the old painting. It was shining with stars. On top the mountain, there was a wolf, sitting on its back legs with a little yellow bird on its shoulder. It wasn't howling in pain, looking for its other half. It found its other half.

In front of the painting, there was Siyeon, holding Bora closely in her arms with big goofy smiles played on their lips. 

“You don’t remind me of a lone wolf anymore. You’ve searched and found your other half. You won’t struggle anymore.”

Siyeon felt the tears in her eyes from happiness. She remembered how much she wanted to kiss Bora back then. She couldn’t before but now she could. She grabbed Bora’s neck and pulled her in for a soft kiss.

“Can I steal it?”

Siyeon smiled at the memory. She would protect that painting like her life depended on it. Not that she didn’t like the first version, she did. But the two paintings alone could summarize both of their lives. 

“It’s almost time. How are you holding up?” Minji asked.

“I’m excited.” 

She didn’t feel nervous or get cold feet. She was eager to go up there, in front of all their loved ones and make Bora her wife. Siyeon couldn’t wait to spend the rest of their lives together. 

They were practically married, they have been living together basically from the moment they met but they both wanted to make it official and put a ring on their fingers. Well, it was Siyeon who wanted it first because of her possessiveness. She wanted everyone to know who Bora belonged to. 

“It has to be around somewhere.” Siyeon mumbled to herself as they were walking around in circles around the university’s campus. Since it was Saturday, there was no one around. She was really shocked to see it still standing. A lot was changed but it was here. However, for the love of God she couldn’t remember which spot. She just had to trust her muscle memory to find what she was looking for. 

“Baby, if you just tell me what you are looking for, I can help.” Bora said behind her, following her close by.

Siyeon looked at the exit door, trying to figure out which way she went. Her mind wasn’t working at that time so it was really hard to remember. It had to be somewhere quiet.

“So I stormed out here…” Siyeon walked away from the door, her eyes searching for quiet places as she kept walking.

“Are you trying to find that tree you punched? I don’t think it’s here anymore, wolfie.” 

“Shh, I got it, I got it.” Siyeon found a spot in the distant that no one would go to. There was no tree, but it was the perfect spot to watch the sunset just like they did. “There!” 

Siyeon grabbed Bora’s hand and made her way to the spot, the ring box in her pocket was itching to be out. 

When they came to that spot, Siyeon remembered how Bora calmed her down. If she wasn’t there, she would have broken her knuckles for sure. 

“Come here,” Siyeon sat on the grass and spread her legs for Bora to sit. 

“This is a very ugly memory for you to revive.” Bora sighed and sat between her girlfriend’s legs, pressing her back to her front. 

Siyeon chuckled and wrapped her arms around Bora tightly, “This was the first place we ever spoke. Truly spoke.” 

“I know.” Bora smiled sadly. “I wish it could’ve been under different circumstances.” 

“I don’t. You didn’t have to come. You didn’t know me. Even Minji didn’t come after me. You did. I felt worthy for once in that life.” Siyeon buried her face in Bora’s neck, whispering against it, “You saved me.”

“Don’t say that, pl-“

“Then you took me to see the painting you draw. Again, you didn’t know me but you drew me. You saw right through me. You broke through my walls and made me feel loved. All I wanted was back then to kiss you.” 

Siyeon pressed her index finger on Bora’s chin to turn it slightly to face her, she pressed her lips on her girlfriend’s lips. She kissed her tenderly, thanked her through the kiss. “It was right at this spot I knew I was loved.” Siyeon grabbed both of Bora’s wrists to hold it against her chest in the shape of X, then trapped her with her legs just like Bora had done to her. “This moment, this exact position made me feel the safest person on earth. I knew no one could harm me if you were there.” 

Siyeon started whisper-singing the song Bora sang to her, “far away over there, slowly, I hear and feel the rain, close your eyes and tell me, it’s okay, it’s okay like this… so trust me.”

A sob escaped Bora’s lips and Siyeon shushed her with a gentle kiss. “I love you. In that life, in this life. in the next life. in every life.” Siyeon let go of Bora and crawled right in front of her to kneel, “This is where everything started, it didn’t end the way we wanted it but we have a second chance. I’ll spend my entire life trying to make up the pain I caused you. I know it’s past and we are happy now but I will. I will make you happy as long as I live, I will love you more and more every day, I will cherish you, take care of you, I will be your rock and your safe haven. I’ll protect you from any harm. I can’t promise you I’ll be perfect but I promise to love you unconditionally.” 

She took out the ring box from her pocket to reveal a diamond ring as Bora gasped, “According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” Siyeon smiled repeating the same words Bora had said in their first date. “I have found you. My soul mate, my other half. You are my light. That sounded like a marriage proposal…”

They both laughed at the irony with tears streaming down both of their cheeks, “Will you marry me, Kim Bora?”

“Yes in every life, Lee Siyeon.”

“It’s time!” Minji exclaimed happily. “Oh god, why am I nervous? It’s like I’m giving my child away.”

“Well, I mean I don’t see much difference.” Siyeon chuckled, she checked her light make up one more time, looked at her dress to make sure there was nothing out of place, her long black hair falling down her shoulders. “Let’s do it.” 

“Are you ready?” Minji asked just before opening the door. 

“I was born ready.” 

“Ah… first snow of the year?” Siyeon was looking out of the window with a smile on her face, she loved the peace, the serenity, the silence that came with the snow.

“It’s snowing?” Bora rushed to her side to watch outside. She was cooking them a nice meal for their second year anniversary so her hands were dirty.

Their first anniversary didn’t go the way they wanted it to go, Bora made her promise not to get gifts ever again and they promised not to leave each other’s sides during anniversaries.

Just in case.

Not long after the accident Siyeon recovered but the trauma lingered on Bora, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, Siyeon knew the mention of hospital was enough to give Bora a panic attack. 

Siyeon recalled that one specific moment from the past life, it was one of the few times she felt truly happy. 

“Don’t remember the past, Singnie.” Bora kissed her cheek before going back to the kitchen to finish her business.

Siyeon wanted to revive the memory, but to change it into something better, something that will always be remembered as a happy memory not a sad one. To wash away the first disaster.

She smirked, a new idea popping in her head. She played the ‘Let it snow’ from her phone, connecting it to the speakers. 

She heard Bora laugh in the kitchen at the choice of the song, instead of Baby It’s Cold Outside. 

“Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the meal is so delightful,” Siyeon wrapped her arms around her girlfriend from behind, changing the lyric ‘fire’ to ‘meal’, making her laugh lightly. “And since we’ve no place to go… let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.” She sang along with the lyrics and swirled Bora in her arms to face her.

“Baby, my hands are dirty, let me wash it first.” Siyeon pouted but reluctantly let her go. As soon as Bora finished cleaning her hands, she dragged her outside of the kitchen.

“The other song was stained with a bad memory.” Siyeon shrugged and pulled Bora closer by her waist to connect their bodies together, dancing slowly to the beat of the song.

“When we finally kiss goodnight,” Bora sang along and pecked her lips quickly, “How I’ll hate go out in the storm.” Bora pouted.

“But if you really hold me tight, all the way home I’ll be warm,” Siyeon sang the rest laughing, pressing their bodies closer. “Although you are my home, how about that.” She chuckled.

“And the meal is slowly burning, and my dear we are still good-bye-ing.” Bora changed the lyrics ‘The fire is slowly dying’ to make a point and ran off to the kitchen to fix the mess Siyeon caused. 

It was always the same, Bora trying to cook, Siyeon distracting her, in conclusion, the meal was burnt. 

“But as long as you love me so! Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn!” Siyeon laughed at the top of her lungs.

She sat on the chair, just watched her beautiful girlfriend panic in the kitchen.

One day, she was going to marry that woman.

Siyeon greeted her sister with a kiss on the cheek, smiled at their friends and her family. She was so grateful they all came all the way to Bora Bora to attend their small wedding. Bora’s parents waved at her and she bowed slightly with a smile.

The sun was bright, there were no clouds, the ocean waves were hitting the sand softly. It was a small ceremony, with a live band, food and alcohol. Everything was organized by Yoohyeon. 

Her bridesmaids, Minji and Gahyeon stood behind Siyeon at the end of the aisle. Normally Minji would be Bora’s bridesmaid but Minji wanted to be Siyeon’s.

Singnie was still her Singnie. 

Her palms started to sweat all of a sudden. This was really happening. She was really marrying that woman. Love of her life. 

Love of every life.

As soon as the music started, people stood up from their seats with big, proud smiles on their lips. Bora wanted Dongie to walk her down the aisle instead of her father.

When Bora came in her view with Handong, her breath got sucked out from her lungs. Siyeon didn’t hear the music, she didn’t see anything other than her soon-to-be wife.

She was breathtaking. She was walking down the aisle gracefully with daisies in her hand, her white strapless dress showing her perfect features of her body, a big smile eternally stained on her lips. 

Every jealousy, every fight, every little thing they have been through was worth it.

She would do it all over again.

She wasn’t planning on crying especially in front of everyone but the realization of she was going to grow old with that goddess, and that goddess chose her, loved her, wanted her… It hit her like a slap in the face at that moment as a lone tear traced down her cheek. 

She never thought this could happen that she could feel this much joy in her heart but ever since she met Bora, all she could feel was happiness.

“I told you I could do it!” Siyeon exclaimed and swept the sweat off her forehead.

Bora glanced at her watch, “Congratulations sweetheart, only in three hours.”

“If someone helped I could’ve built it quicker.” Siyeon rolled her eyes playfully and looked at her handiwork. 

As promised, Siyeon took her lovely girlfriend to camping to show tents were much better.

So what she got a little rusty building a tent, she did it in the end. 

They came to one of Siyeon’s favorite spot, she built her two rooms blue colored tent just across the sea and she even tied a hammock between two big trees.

“You didn’t let me help!” Bora said, “You put me in this goddamn chair and thanks to you, my ass is flat.”

“I think your ass is perfect, flat or not.” Siyeon chuckled and unzipped the tent to go inside. She even loved the smell of tents. 

“Ya! My ass is not flat!”

“BoraBoraBora! Come on, get in here!” Siyeon yelled like a kid from inside and jumped on the floor bed. 

“Aren’t we going to suffocate inside this? It’s so hot, oh my god,” Bora mumbled grumpily and let her eyes roam inside the tent. 

“No because look!” Siyeon pointed at the ceiling, the ceiling was completely transparent.

Bora followed her finger and laughed, “Okay, I admit, this is a good one.”

“We can watch the stars!”

“Yes, we can.” Bora laid next to her girlfriend and watched her with a smile on her lips, “Happiness looks so good on you.”

“You make me happy.” Siyeon turned her body towards Bora and leaned in to kiss her soft lips, “You are my sun, Bora. You light up my world. Without you, I wouldn’t exist.” Siyeon repeated the words she had said to her in the old life when all of a sudden Siyeon watched to go to the beach at four am and watch the stars. “I love you little bird.” 

It made Bora laugh loudly, recalling one of the few happy times they had, “Do you want to make a wish too?”

“After your opening night, do you remember I dragged you to the beach and I asked you if you believed in aliens?”

“Yeah, I remember. You asked about aliens in both of our lives. What is it with you and aliens?” Bora chuckled.

“Because it’s fascinating but that’s not the point. I saw that one specific moment of our old life in my dream all the time. I even said ‘Bora’ in my dream. I thought if I could revive it back then you’d feel it too or you know remember it too.”

“Is that why when I asked you to make a wish you said ‘I want to stay like this forever’ because back then, I said ‘I wish this to be forever.’ ?”

“Yes,” Siyeon smiled heartily, “I wish this to be forever, Bora.”

“It will be.”

The weather was too hot and Siyeon was sweating, probably smelled awful, so to annoy her beautifully dressed girlfriend, she crawled on top of her and crushed her with her own body. “So cozy, so comfy bed…” 

Bora whined in protest, tried to push Siyeon off her body while laughing out loud, that unique sound made Siyeon all giddy inside, “You smell like feet, get off me,”

“I thought you loved all of me,” Siyeon pouted.

“God, I love you, not your smell. You smell awful,” Bora tickled Siyeon on her sides and finally managing to get her off of her as their loud laughter filled the small tent. 

“Isn’t this better?” Siyeon asked after their laughter died out as she laid in Bora’s arms.

“Okay… this is better.” Bora admitted, “So thin walls though, poor neighbors.”

Finally, Bora made it. Handong kissed her cheek before handing her over to Siyeon like a father would do. She was handing her best friend to Siyeon to take care for ever.

And she was going to.

Siyeon smiled at Handong before gently holding Bora’s hand to help her stand right in front of her. “You are so beautiful.” She whispered. 

“You are so stunning.” Bora smiled as they stood together in front of the priest, just staring at each other with so much love. Bora’s bridesmaids, Handong and Yubin were standing behind her.

They didn’t hear him talk, nor did they care. There was only two of them with so much light and love in them.

It was a new start, a new sunshine yet to be born, the optimism, the anticipation of good things to come. Every time Siyeon looked at her, she felt the love and inspiration course through her. Death didn’t scare them anymore. Siyeon knew they would find each other no matter what. Heaven or another life.

Siyeon could run forever, search forever but in the end, every path would lead her right back to Bora.

In every life. 

“Bora I don’t think I can do this!” Siyeon exclaimed loudly in order to be heard in the strong wind.

“Siyeon, you are the one who asked for it! Push through your fears remember?” 

“But that’s how you fucking died!” Siyeon tried to back away but because she was tied to a teacher she couldn’t really escape.

The teacher gave them a strange look but Bora understood. 

“I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager. You will be fine.”

Bora took her to do skydiving.

They were in a plane, way too high off the ground and they were both tied to teachers who knew what they were doing and wouldn’t let them die.

Hopefully.

But that’s how Bora died.

Without a parachute, just crashed hard on the ground, her bones broke, her brain too-

“You are so pale oh my god, we don’t have to do this, Siyeon.” Bora watched her closely, she was probably waiting on a panic attack.

But Siyeon kept her shit together. She knew she had to get over this fear of heights and that image of Bora jumping off a rooftop.

She was definitely having second thoughts though.

However, she had a promise to keep. A promise to herself. It’s been nearly three years since she remembered. Old Siyeon was long gone.

It was time.

“Ladies, are we doing this?” The man tied up to Bora asked.

“Singnie-“

“Let’s do it. If I die on the way, just know I love you and I will find you again I swear.” Siyeon said as she tried to calm her breathing and held on to her equipment like her life depended on it.

Because it did.

Bora laughed at her comment and shook her head, “You won’t die, sweetheart. I love you.” Bora smiled so big, so beautiful that Siyeon melted on the spot. 

Her little bird.

It was only Siyeon who screamed on top of her lungs when they jumped, she was sure her vocal cords were gone by the time they reached the ground safe and sound.

It was time for the vows.

“Wolfie,” Bora smiled, her eyes wet with tears, “I vow to always find you. No matter what you do, no matter where you are, I will always find you. I vow to always be here for you. In sickness and health… I will make you so damn happy. For so long I thought, I had to be your light. I had to bring light to your life but it took me a while to realize you were the light. You are THE light, Lee Siyeon. To be honest, I can’t promise you a perfect life but I vow to get less angry when you come home so late, I vow to stop you from embarrassing yourself in public, I vow to always tell you when you have stuff on your teeth instead of laughing. I vow to spend eternity with you. I vow to love you until death do us apart. Then I vow to do it all over again. In every life.”

Siyeon bit her tongue to hold the tears threatened to leave her eyes, but it was useless, they were spilling from her eyes no matter how hard she tried. How could she top this vow? It was perfect.

“Little bird,” They both laughed softly, “Do you remember the very first time you confessed to me? I was so scared to let anyone in, I was terrified of hurting you, I couldn’t even say it back until you were asleep. But I knew, I knew my heart belonged to you from the moment you crashed our table. Both times, actually.” She heard Minji and Yoohyeon chuckle behind her along with Bora. “You know I’m not perfect… I can’t promise you a perfect life either but love isn’t perfect. But I vow to try my best. If you fall, I’ll put you back on your feet just like you had done to me so many times… I vow to never let you sleep mad or sad. I vow to always listen before jumping to conclusions. I vow to put you first no matter what. You are my soul mate, my guiding light, my peace, my home. You are my safe haven I run to. I’ll make you the happiest person in the planet, Kim Bora. In every life.”

When the priest pronounced them as wife and wife, Siyeon pulled her wife in her arms to kiss her softly as all of their friends and family cheered for them. 

Siyeon didn’t hear them, her only focus was the woman in her arms and her soft, warm lips caressing hers slowly. The very first kiss of their beginning of a long and happy life together. A start of a beautiful journey.

“Everyone, I would like to dedicate this song to my wife, to us.” Siyeon said to the microphone as she seated next to the piano. She wanted to sing before their first dance.

She locked eyes with her wife, she had a surprised expression on her face as Siyeon wanted this to be a surprise. She knew Bora would understand every lyric.

“Somewhere where I can breathe, somewhere without these painful tears without anyone knowing, close your eyes until the end of the memories that are getting further apart…”

I couldn’t breathe for so long, I thought I could never love breathing Kim Bora until you became my air.

“I always know what is behind your smile, cover up your heart, make a forest. Even if I try to hide and cover my ears, the noise spreads. Something that cannot be blocked …”

I know how you used to cry whenever I wasn’t around. 

I noticed it all. 

I know you smiled at me, but your heart was crying. 

And I tried for you. I closed my ears, I tried to stop the noise, but I couldn’t stop it. 

I am so sorry.

“Too many colors mixed together like paint. I cannot figure out why the day is repeating. With the people who are trying to change you dulling from within. If you see me…”

I had no colors in that life. It was dark and grey. 

You were my color, my light. But I couldn’t see it. 

Then it happened again. I was back to that colorless life for a while but this time I could see it.

“Run away, somewhere I can breathe. Run away, somewhere without these painful tears. Broken heart as time goes on. Close your eyes, little by little, I start to shake before your eyes…”

I wanted to run away, I wanted to be free but the only way for me to do that was to end it all. 

I was falling apart before your eyes and you couldn’t stop it. 

I know I broke your heart but I was broken too.

“Paradise…”

I wanted peace, a calm piece of mind, without the voices. I wanted to be in paradise.

I wish I could notice you were my paradise.

“Will there be an end for you? You won’t find the answer even in your dream. And it will hurt like this, like this, for now and such a long time…”

There could’ve been an end for you, you could’ve leave me. 

But you didn’t and you tried to put me back together always giving a piece from yourself until there was nothing left to give. 

It left you empty.

“There are still so many colors, mixed together like paint, I can’t figure out why I keep returning to that day. With the people who are trying to change you, dulling from within, if you see me…”

We broke the cycle, Kim Bora. History did not repeat itself.

I don’t ever want you to change the person you are or give me your pieces. 

I’m not broken anymore.

“Now open your eyes, you’re not alone, not alone, not alone now. You don’t have to be sad anymore… You’re always in my heart.”

Now look at me Bora. 

Look at our lives. 

I will never let you cry alone anymore. 

If you cry, I’ll cry with you. 

You don’t have to think if your suicidal girl is still in there. 

It is not.

I will never let you be sad because of me. 

I will never leave you broken again. 

You were in my heart back then and you are still in my heart, you will always be in my heart.

“Don’t you cry no more… Far away, far away open your eyes, I will cross the long night before your eyes…”

I’ll never be the cause of your tears Kim Bora.

“Paradise… I’ll never leave you alone. I’ll never leave you… Paradise.”

You are stuck with me now. Now I promise you won’t get rid of me.

Did you know when a wolf’s mate die, the other would follow?

I’ll follow you anywhere. 

Because I’ve found you. I will never leave you. You are my paradise.

When Siyeon finished off her song, all the people who knew what it was really about, was weeping.

Minji, who would never let anyone see her weak, was sobbing on Yoohyeon’s shoulder. They were both a mess. 

Handong’s lips were trembling, she was looking up at the sky to keep the tears where it belonged.

Yubin was staying strong, but only for the sake of Gahyeon because Gahyeon was clutching at her dress, crying. It took them almost a week to convince Yubin to wear a dress, now Gahyeon was soaking it with tears. 

Although, Bora’s dark lashes brimmed with tears, she had a smile on her lips. Siyeon knew Bora understood what she meant by every lyric, the meaning, unspoken words between the lyrics.

Every eye in the ceremony was on her as Siyeon made her way to Bora. It was time for the very first dance as a married couple. The band started playing the song chosen by them. The song conveyed their feelings for both lives. It was basically made for them.

Siyeon smiled heartily, she extended her hand to Bora. They walked in the middle of dance floor all alone and Siyeon placed her hands on her small waist to pull her wife closer, dancing slowly with so many eyes on them but they were alone in their own worlds.

You and me were always with each other, before we knew the other was over there.

“You and me we belong together, just like a breath needs the air.” Siyeon whispered the lyric in her ear.

I told you If you called I would come running, across the highs, the lows and the in-betweens.

“I see what you did there, with the song.” Bora said, smiling softly against her shoulder. “Thank you…”

You and me we’ve got two minds that think as one and our hearts march to the same beat.

“I knew you would. Just another song I write for you. It’s piling up.” 

They say everything happens for a reason… you can be flawed enough but perfect for a person.

“Promise me, even at your darkest times, you will always look for a light.” 

Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart, guiding your direction when you’re riding through the dark.

“You are my light in the dark Kim Bora.” Siyeon kissed her forehead, pulling her wife impossibly closer to her body. 

You and me, we are searching for the same light. Desperate for a cure to this disease.

“No… You are the light.” 

Some days are better than others, but I fear no thing as long as you are with me.

“I remembered something else Singnie. After I died.” Bora tilted her head to gaze at her wife adoringly. 

“What did you remember, baby?” 

“In your letter, you said you’d be my light when my time comes. I saw the light. I saw you. You were waiting for me. You said…’Welcome to our paradise.’” Bora paused before continuing, “Is this our paradise?”

That’s you and me.

“Paradise is where you are.” Siyeon kissed her wife with so much love and desire. 

She was eager to grow old together, laugh together, cry together, make the best out of this new chance, new life together. Then die together only to meet in the next life to do it all over again. 

She couldn’t wait to wake up to this beautiful woman every day for the rest of her life. 

She whispered against her lips, “I love you, little bird. I’ll love you in every life.”

“In every life, wolfie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this sequel of Light In The Dark. My twitter is @singniecult if you'd like to follow me or have questions please hit me up. Feed backs are appreciated, please leave comments of your thoughts :') happy new year <3
> 
> song; PINK you and me.


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